Why Guys Hate Date Movies
Guys just don't like date movies. One man explains why.
Allow me to make three outrageous assumptions, so I don't have to keep saying "Of course, not all women…" and "That being said, some men…" and so forth. Here goes: 1) Women love romantic movies. 2) Men love action movies. 3) Men love women, and women, for some reason, love men.
I'm totally overgeneralizing and I know it. Somewhere, at this very moment, a heterosexual man is renting Beaches. But Guy Movies and Chick Flicks clearly appeal powerfully to their respective genders.
Hollywood's solution for the middle ground, the Date Movie, is supposed to appeal perfectly to both men and women. I'm talking about films like Jerry Maguire, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, or Say Anything. They look good on paper: a little bit of pink syrup, a little bit of blue syrup; the spine of a love story and an evolving relationship for the ladies; some edgy jokes or a hot lingerie scene for the fellers. You pray you get Knocked Up, and not Gigli. What's your favorite movie to watch together?
But guys never love these movies. Oh, we go all right—but we're there because we want to see YOU. We always find something to watch and/or laugh at, but don't kid yourself: we definitely feel like we're taking one for the team. Jen Aniston in a towel is nice but doesn't erase the sneaking suspicion that we've been tricked into watching a chick flick in disguise.
Here's why: Movies are about getting lost for two hours in a communal dream, and men and women, generally, dream different dreams.
What WE want from a movie, our escape, is heroism. Reluctant, individual, improbable heroism. Guy Movies always have this at the heart: Regular schmoe digs deep and overcomes superior forces. Think Wanted. Die Hard. The Matrix. Star Wars. Normal dude is swept up by circumstance and rises to meet the occasion, ideally with automatic weapons.
And here's the key insight: The hero does not change. It's counterintuitive—Hollywood loves a "character arc"—but it binds virtually all Guy Movies, from spy films to boobs-y comedies to space epics. Bond is always Bond; Clint leaves town on the horse he rode in on. The Blues Brothers do not repent. When a regular guy overcomes the odds and survives intact, the subconscious takeaway is: If the Federation came calling, you too would kick major alien ass.
Discussion
I have to, for the most part, agree with the article. I go to movies to relax and escape. Often, the further from reality the better. I am very involved in my own life, love, surroundings, etc... so for me, a movie should be a getaway.
I can find humor, entertainment and a little bit of retrospection in a well written rom com, with witty dialog and colorful characters, but am very content waiting for the dvd release and watching it at home with a girlfriend, a bottle of wine and the ability to pause and rewind. I prefer to save my $20 tickets - $40 popcorn&snacks for explosions, fast cars and the creative breaking of limbs and necks. A sexy make-up kissing scene with some classic Sade kicking in the background is great, but let's face it, a waste of a 200 foot Imax screen with Dolby 12.0 hi-def surround sound. My 26 inch flat screen in the bedroom will more than suffice. Plus, if my girlfriend gets caught up in the romance of the moment, she can plant one on me and not feel the awkwardness of public displays of affection.
That being said, some of my all time favorite movies are "relationship chronicles", creative analysis of various types of relationships, that were most likely crafted with a primarily female audience in mind. (in other words, chick flicks that aren't rom coms. Just sounds more manly my way!) Beaches; Steele Magnolias, Forrest Gump (borderline - I know). Yes, I said Beaches. I like watching it, but for some reason it seems to stir up dust in my house, which always irritates my eyes right at the very end of the movie...
Romance movies like Romance novels are fantasies which feed many unrealistic expectations in people's heads. This is true for many of the movies women like to see and we men enjoy. Life is far more mundane and full of hard experiences that have a few high points along the way. I often wonder what did people do before movies? Maybe people were more realistic and lived less in a fantasy world back in those days.
Wow! I must be from another planet. I am a guy and I enjoy “chick flicks” (as my wife describes them). I must admit that I rent these movies from blockbuster and normally watch on my laptop with headphones but I do watch and I enjoy it. I find these movies help me communicate better with women and understand some of their ideas. These movies also helped me relate to my wife. You see, I grew up in house with four younger brothers and a younger sister. As the oldest, I was in charge and if anything happen to any of my siblings or if they did anything they were not suppose to do, my dad held me responsible – we did not do “time outs” when I grew up. Therefore, I have no problem being the tough hard guy with all the answers and do it my way approach to any problem. Spending five years in the Marine Corps did not help either. When I met my wife, I needed to find a way to relate – to back off from having all of the answers. I read many books on relationships including the “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus” series and eventually found the chick flicks helpful as well. I find I can relate and that conversations with women are easier. I learned to listen – no answers required. I enjoy the chick flicks, perhaps I am not the only guy who does.
Romance Comedies combine two types of movie I least like. Well, if you threw in kung-fu and beat-em-up/shoot-em up (maybe even with 'Monster Mud Trucks') then I'd have to say it IS the least type of movie I like. While I have enjoyed some romance type movies-Franco Zefferalli's 'Romeo&Juliet', and 'Pretty Woman' , I like movies that have suspense and complicated plots.
Not that romance can't be complicated, but wondering whether the 'he' is going to actually bump into the 'she' that his 9yo son wants him to meet at the observation deck of the Empire State Bldg is just not my kind of suspense. It just doesn't leave me trying to think ten steps ahead for the plot. I want to be able to utilize all my life's learned experience's in trying to figure out what I can expect next.
An entire movie,no more than an entire life, should not be DEDICATED to PERSUING romance. While just like anything else in life-the romance will always need some attention and fine tuning but the persuit of it shouldn't need be all consuming of all resources. As a subplot, it's fine. As in "Ghost" , although Demi and Patrick were sharing an 'all eternal love' , there were many other things going on-just as in real life. Perhaps it's that unrealism that makes many men find the 'Romance/Comedy' genre so boring.
Even Humphrey Bogart often always had strong romantic interests in most all the movies he preformed in but their the romance was not the entire focus of the film. Couldn't you just see him giving up his life of adventure and living life on the edge to persue Lauren or Kate and become a domesticated house-husband drying the dishes as she washed or picking up the kids at the daycare?
I like movies that challange my intelectual abilities. I tend to often go with stars that choose to be in movies that have previously given me reward. Al Pacino(loved 'Scent of a Woman' 'Serpico' etc), Robert DeNero is usually great, Anthony Quinn almost always preforms in quality movies, as does Kate Blanchette just to name a few. I've almost always liked Jack Nicholson in his movies(Chinatown was EXCELLENT, as was 'One flew over....') but 'As Good As it Gets' I thought exhibited lives in "As Worse as it Gets'. I couldn't imagine ANYONE watching that and hoping" I pray I never experience the despair of any one of those characters"(I was impressed with and could identify with the only memorable line in the movie-"You make me want ot be a better man"). Having seen a Hugh Grant rom/com, once was enough(if it hadn't been for Julia Roberts or Andie McDowell I probably wouldn't even have bothered).Well, I guess I did see two. Anyone that would pick-up a street hooker with Elizabeth Hurley sitting at home with 'needs' makes me want to gag.
Even Humphrey Bogart often always had strong romantic interests in most all the movies he preformed in but their the romance was not the entire focus of the film. Couldn't you just see him giving up his life of adventure and living life on the edge to persue Lauren or Kate and become a domesticated house-husband drying the dishes as she washed or picking up the kids at the daycare?
Although like many men, 'rom/com' are not my favorite, I've seen a few, and enjoyed them to an extent .I enjoyed 'The Notebook' very much. The 40's era was a great setting. Gosling and McAdams were magnificant(couldn't believe when my daughter said that she was the same girl from "Mean Girls").I wanted the guy to do all that he could to express his love and win over the girl-and for them to have a life together.AND GET ON WITH LIFE and enjoy one anothers companionship-forever! I didn't enjoy the parts,found them actually b-o-r-i-n-g, when there he was sixty years later---still being rejected by the woman he loved and having to 'do all he could' to gain her affection. I wouldn't hesitate for a minute(I do some crazy things) to go racing after the girl I know I was meant to be with, jumping from one car rooftop to another, with the boombox blaring out our 'favorite song', if that 'sealed the deal'. I would want her to know that I loved her more than any other. And that yes, as Gosling said in ;The Notebook' we'll most likely have some God awful-times, but I don't enjoy seeing a whole move or a whole life being about the persuit of love.
Love is what you enjoy at the end of the day. When all the intelectual challanges have been met. The crooked judge has been arrested, the mystery of 'The Red Violin' has been solved, and the plot to overtake the government has been averted. Then, you come home,enjoy a martini-stirred-never shaken(does anybody drink them anymore?), and enjoy romance.
In the interview with Andrea Miller, you referred to the movie Sweet Home Alabama. Both Harry and Andrea made comments about the wrong guy. The guy other than "McDreamy" is Josh Lucas, not Matthew Mcconaughey.
OMG Q you totally just proved my theory. I think my DH hates rom-coms because he thinks if he watches them, then I'll expect him to develop a British accent and by me flowers all the time. Fortunately, I am not that much of a fan either. I like mystery, suspense and MURDUUUR (said in a British accent).
But I think a lot of guys get afraid that girls take them too seriously and its just pressure they can't take. So they avoid them. Also, rom-coms=rom-convos. Romantic conversations. ooooh boy. No boy likes that :)
Very well put! And I'm a guy that likes date movies! There is immense truth in what Keith is saying, especially towards the end. Yes, I secretly wish to be the hero kicking major a$$ and not taking names, but its fantasy. I recognize that and its a fun outlet. I went and saw "Must Love Dogs" with a friend when it came out in the theaters. I found it cute, a little hasty and formulaic in the story telling, but otherwise not a waste of money for a matinee price. My friend, on the other had, asked the dreaded question exactly ten minutes after we stepped out of the theater.
"Do you think its really possible to find love like that?"
Seems innocuous written, but you'd have to hear the weighted, dreamy tones of her voice to get the full spine tingling effect. May, my friend, was 25 at this time, had recently gotten back to Hawaii from an art school in the mid-east, and really wanted to believe that the Hollywood version of love was totally attainable.
It stands to reason she didn't like my answer.
In the context of THAT movie, there is a possibility of finding a real life equivalent. Maybe not to the romantic extremes that the couple went to, but the fact that this was about 2 people who have both lived some fairly full lives, have been married already and seen the realities of that, and have enough experience to have a pretty good idea about what they want in a prospective life-long partner. Hell, I even accept The Pillow Book as being almost valid because of a lot of the realities presented; the fighting, the familial pressure leading to seperate marriages, etc, etc. Not the typical Hollywood syrupy hype.
In general date movies and their ilk are akin to romance novels. They are great when they are confined to the world of fantasy and responsibly used to escape reality, but when you start basing the state of your life or your relationships on them then you are just asking for trouble. The Hollywood romance move, date movie, action movie, etc, is just not real. Its larger than life for a reason...it takes us out of our own lives for an hour or three. Reality is a lot messier and takes a lot more work. You don't see life after the happy ending in a movie because that is when reality really starts to move in. If Romeo and Juliet lived then eventually Juliet would see that Romeo is some spoiled rich kid who has trouble keeping his "sword" in its scabbard, and Romeo would just see Juliet as another pampered little daddy's girl who will still expect to have the life she was accustomed to and won't be able to handle living poor(er) in Manchua.
But we don't want to see that. We don't want to ruin the illusion that true love is eternal, flawless, and conquers all. True love is grueling, awkward at times, frought with pit-falls and insecurities, but is breathtaking when you see it and have obtained it and have really worked your a$$es off to get it.
Man, I got some serious silent treatment on that drive.
