Tips To Get Men More Into Foreplay
Sexologist Dr. Brian Parker doles out pointers for ladies with foreplay-resistant men.
Why do men seem to have a hard-wired disdain for generous servings of foreplay?
Women have probably internally wondered for centuries why men devour sex like a two-bite dollar meal instead of savoring like a five-course feast. Let's be honest, more times than not, a metaphorical bill has arrived before most women have even had a chance to finish buttering the bread.
Do they think we don't want foreplay? Are they just super-selfish? Lazy? Take us for granted? Secretly inexperienced?
These are all pretty valid questions.
Hitchedmag.com tackled this aged old sexual dilemma recently. Mostly, sexologist Dr. Brian Parker attempts to defend his gender as Dr. Trina Read claims men just want to "pop off a couple of orgasms" and hit the hay.
(We couldn't have said it better ourselves.)
Below are Dr. Brian Parker's explanations and tips to get your fella more interested in tasting all the appetizers before paying the check:
1.) Maybe he's just trying to be a manly man: "At a very young age boys are taught that things like hugging, kissing and touching are feminine," says Dr. Parker. "And, God forbid, any Wrangler wearin’, meat eatin’ man with a shed full of tools seems ‘girly.’"
2.) Men are embarrassingly clueless: "Truth is, most men don’t know diddly squat about the female body’s erogenous zones and her sexual response cycle," he says. "So gals, you can simply ask your man directly what he likes to give and receive during foreplay. Then you can share your response. And if you can’t bare to tell him, show him. Guide his hands over your "hot" spots showing him just how you like to be touched."
3.) Use the "sensate focus" tool: "Here, couples explore their partner’s entire body," Parker says. "Remember, we are sexual beings from the ends of our hair to the tips of our toes. Mutually exploring your bodies will help your partner learn exactly what you like. And you might learn a little bit about him too. Yes, guys don’t just want to be touched there!"
4.) Play on his selfishness: "Tell him that foreplay lasts longer than sex (generally about 12 minutes) and that the longer you touch, slurp and fondle, the more explosive the orgasm is for you…and him."
Discussion
I like to think of the hours proceeding sex as "foreplay time" in most cases. The series of touches at dinner, acting like teenagers in the car, it all helps further things along once we finally make it into the bedroom.
I'm not sure if it's more sad that the sex might only last 12 minutes, or that someone was bored enough to count it...
I hadn't thought of asking him to just let me love him any way I want...Including kissing him wherever I wish etc I have done what I like in an abreviated way, getting to what he ultimately wanted quickly, but I've never teased him with that much foreplay...I wonder how he'll take it when I tell him what I want to do to him...lol This will be fun!
It's important NOT to always make men the bad guy because most men do want to be good lovers. Generally, once men know what their gal wants with foreplay, they are more than happy to comply. In fact, men love the sensual side of sex just as much or more than women. It's all about communication.
Dr. Trina E. Read, Sexologist
