9 Things I Learned About Women From Editing Maxim
A former Maxim editor reveals the wisdom he gathered while working at the famed men's magazine.
I edited Maxim for four years, and let me tell you, we knew everything there was to know about guys. Like this: All guys really care about is girls. Our sex and relationship pieces tried to break down the great female mystery, and they were consistently the highest-rated articles in the magazine aside from, well, the pictorials. And we learned a lot ourselves. Here are nine interesting nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from my job presenting women to men.
1. Women like when you play with their hair.
Not while she's in the front seat reasoning with the state trooper, maybe… but during sex for sure. This female-only erogenous zone is news to most guys. (For us, hair is nothing but a nuisance.) Men who figure this out, and learn to run their fingers through her tresses, can log major brownie points. And here's the key: They don't tell other guys, because that would give up a competitive advantage. If you don't say something—or at least coo invitingly when his fingers accidentally stumble through your hair—odds are he'll go to his grave never knowing.
2. Arguments are ALWAYS about the relationship.
When it comes to fighting, women get a bad rap for being irrational and melodramatic. The real problem? Men foolishly think the thing you're mad about is the thing you SAID you were mad about. Let's say he's once again left his dirty socks on the floor. A 4-year-old girl would recognize you're steamed because he's taking you for granted. But an adult male will take you at your word. And—stay with me—if he thinks you're complaining about the socks, well, jeez, what kind of nagging, shrieking harpy are you? Do you want me to pick up the goddamn socks—is that it? Men should figure out what the argument's REALLY about BEFORE opening their big fat mouths, yes, but we almost never do. I know you're all holding out for us to magically develop intuition just because we love you, like the romantic leads do in the movies, but in the real world, that is a fantasy. Be direct and precise when expressing your frustration with guys and it will yield better results. Aww… isn't that sweet?
3. Women have a raw deal.
This will sound like I'm just sucking up, but I'm not. We actually catalogued the details in one of the earliest Maxim pieces, "50 Reasons It's Great To Be a Guy." You know: "you don't have to carry a purse around," and "just one mood, all month long, ha ha!" and so on. Well, as the guys brainstormed, our list kept growing ("haircuts are cheaper!" and "more pay for the same work!" and "nobody is ever, ever looking at your ass!") and it started to dawn on us that this wasn't just a funny conceit: Biology and society have conspired to stack the deck unfairly against the fairer sex in dozens of ways. So, uh… sorry.
4. Women want a simple, clean apology.
Men feel an aching need, when apologizing, to tell you WHY they screwed up, incorrectly assuming this information will be of some interest to you. But women interpret this as waffling; they think the guy's trying to say: "Here's why it's not really my fault." Mitigating factors can come later, maybe, but only after a solid, clean, "I'm sorry" with no strings attached. On average, it takes men seven years and three relationships to learn this one on their own. To speed up the process, be blunt: Cut him off and say "Could you just apologize? For once?" He might get mad, but you're already fighting, so who cares; he really will start to absorb this once it's brought to his attention.
Discussion
I LOVED this article =^-^=
Maybe I'm a rarity among women, but I actually have read Maxim on a few occasions more than just to have stuff to complain about.
I found some of the articles on sexual positions to be rather new and fresh ideas, stuff that I later implemented in the bedroom with my at-the-time boyfriend. Given, the pretense of the article was very silly, and I probably could have gotten the same ideas from Cosmo...But Cosmo is so much more...boring? (I'm sorry, pictures of clothes and shoes I can never afford to own, and quite frankly don't give a s**t about, just don't spell out entertainment for me)
Anywhoo, this article was pretty helpful. I'm going through a break, or breakup (I don't know which...I'm so confused T.T)
Now I know why he literally can't understand me when I bring up something that bothers me (How many times have I found myself declaring "It's not about the crumbs on the counter and the dirty dishes, it's about the fact that you act like a child and have no sense of responsibility", well, in all honesty, I'm probably not that blunt...)
That being the tip of the fatty iceberg that is our relationship mess.
Anywhoo, awesome article. I loved it, and it made me giggle =^.^=
Maxim is a horrible mag. Of course any guy is going to say something like the guy above said. Because there men!!!!!!! There are pics of practically naked girls posing in provocative ways on the page. It's horrible. There is hardly any articles.
This entire thing hits the nail on the head for the most part...only the checking out other women thing doesnt sit well with me regardless. I say unless im lacking something you want then you should'nt look elsewhere. But the " Just say you're sorry all ready!" part fits perfect for me its like they cant just say hey im sorry i treated you that way. They have to justify why they did it what they were thinking at the time before they even say hey im sorry. Trying to make me see things from the guys ppoint of view is okay but not when it's trying to make it okay that you did something wrong. I do dress up for guys but its true that sometimes we dress up for our friends too. I also love my hair being played with but wont admit it in public lets find that out in private instead. AND guys really do always try to fix your problem instead of giving you a little sympathy but when something is going wrong for them they want your sympathy too I just think men and women need to trade places every once in a while (figuratively of coarse) tthink about how the other person is feeling. LOVE this article!
I agree with all of this. Everyone (especially women) should read the book "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendine, M.D. It's absolutely brilliant and it explains WHY we are so different, and takes some of the mystery out of our own behaviour that befuddles us too! really good stuff.
Lyz: I like all the comments I've read of yours so far. I agree completely with not reading books that perpetuate stereotypes about gender. I'm not "befuddled" with my behaviour because I know that I am clear headed and take each person by what they show me and not what I expect. If more people did away with their expectations, then they'd see that just about ALL of the supposed differences are created by people and not biological in basis. I find people who live by stereotypes so boring, indeed. It's like trying to weed through a canned response to attempt to get to the essence of the person within.
Wait, motherhood and breastfeeding are positive aspects of being a woman?
How on earth is having to carry a baby for 9 months and then having to deal with a screaming, largely useless offspring afterwards for the next 18 years a positive?
Well, the good news is we live in the 21st century, so you really don't have to carry a baby for 9 months or raise children.
Breastfeeding can be enjoyable and very satisfying if it works out. It is hard work and takes a lot of your time, but I'm glad I had a chance to do it. Mothers sometimes dream about it after their children grow out of it.
Pregnancy varies a lot, but if you are in decent shape and things go well, it can be exciting and satisfying. I would not want to do it too many time in my life for physical reasons, but I'm actually glad it wasn't my husband's job. Childbirth I could have skipped, although I have a kind of macha pride about it.
Children are just something you like or you don't. If you like them, having them enriches your family and your life.
Well, before Maxim I had only worked at women's magazines after college, so the general m/f workplace inequality wasn't a reality for me...I was in one of industry's few female-dominated hotspots. Being aware of the technical details of inequality, as we of course were, isn't the same as putting two and two and two and two and two together; that synthesis was the point of the item.
Keith, very good reply about to the sarcastic "question" about inequality in the work place. I, too, am one these people who need empirical evidence to understand or accept a concept or situation. Just because someone says it's true doesn't mean it is true. I understand what you're saying in your reply.
i totally agree with #4, most of the time guys dont like to apologize and as women all we need is im sorry baby.
1. You can't photoshop women in real life
2. Never tell a girl she's fat even if she is because it might ruin your chances of getting her into bed
3. If you can't get her drunk, get yourself drunk
4. Learn to say, "yes, dear" to everything
ETC.....
This is what I was sure your rules would look like when I saw the headline. I was totally wrong and yes, I can admit it.
thank you very much. I married a wonderful communicator, and grew up with two sisters, so that was helpful in counteracting some of the testosterone saturation of that particular job.
