How To Seduce A Woo Girl In 10 Steps

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woo girls
Learn how to seduce a Woo Girl with liquid courage.

Woo Girl*: Noun. A woman who drinks to excess and commonly squeal, "woooo" when something favorable occurs (such as quaffing another tequila shot or the DJ playing "All The Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It).")

The woo girl can be found in all matter of watering holes but seems to eschew low-key establishments such as a piano bars and places that don't serve hard liquor. The Woo Girl can often be seen wearing cowboy hats and tight, animal print clothing. But they are equally at home wearing a Laura Ashley sundress. While the Woo Girl is traditionally in her 20s, ages can range all the way into the 40s or 50s. The Woo Girl is outwardly quite confident but some amount of her blustery bravado comes from liquid courage and the fact that Woo Girls travel in packs. While she may think of herself as a 3rd Wave Feminist, her esprit de femme comes more from the Spice Girls school of Girl Powah than the Gloria Steinem brand of female empowerment. Though often single, the Woo Girl has a tendency to internally define herself by her romantic interactions.

With so much as prologue, the obvious question is, "How do I get lucky with one of these mythical creatures?" Woo Girls are too clannish, guileless and, often, drunk for the subtleties and herd-thinning approach of pickup artistry. "Opening Up A Set" or using a neg can prove frustratingly fruitless. Like the Irish and Psychoanalysis, Woo Girls are largely immune to The Game. But using Mystery's ways to woo a Woo Girl is blowing 10 grand on fishing gear when the bass are willing to jump into the boat. The Woo Girl really wants to go home with someone but she wants attention and not head games.

1) Steps One Through Ninety-Nine of seducing a Woo Girl involve alcohol. But one of the classic blunders of seducing a Woo Girl involves overdoing it with the alcohol. Too much booze and coherence (and ability to consent) goes the way of the saber-toothed tiger. Too little booze and she'll probably realize that you've been quoting Wedding Crashers for the last 2 hours. Another thing to consider is that even if they only weigh 115 pounds, most Woo Girls can hold their liquor. To my knowledge, no woman has ever found it attractive to be able to drink her (potential) mate under the table.

2) Self-deprecating humor works if and only if they know how awesome you really are. A few comments like "Well, I'm only the second best salesman at the firm, maybe if I was a kiss-ass like Hannerhan I'd be number one. Life's just too short for that noise?" Many a Woo Girl is an eyelash away from becoming a member of DABA (Dating A Banker Anonymous), be careful with these types. Keep it breezy and keep it cool.

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