I find monogamy makes it much easier not to be jealous. I don't spend any time wondering if my hubby is flirting with someone at work because I know I can trust him. I don't worry about whether or not he's attracted to other people, because I know he won't do anything.
For me the way to deal with jealousy has been a combination of things. We have been together a long time and we have been faithful and honest, so we can trust each other. We have built our lives together to the point where I can't imagine someone else replacing me (or him). And we are close enough that I know I am loved and appreciated and don't need to worry.
BTW, I don't think of our relationship as "closed" as we have family and friends we care about. We are free to spend time with other people. Monogamous is better, although a bit long.
Thank YOU!!! Thank You, Thank YOU!!
We have just opened up our relationship, and are figuring out the boundaries and ways to make it custom fit for us. I have an incredible partner, trust is huge for me, and I can be a jealous person. Strangely, if I can see it, and how my partner is with someone else, it feels just fine! Funny... so for us it is all about letting each other see and be a part of what is going on for the other.
And on that note, my trust in my partner is greater then ever before. For some reason knowing this about him, and exploring it with him, has made us much, much closer.
It is also much, much scarier, for me, but the pay off for both of us is huge, and I find it ironic that this has helped us more then any book, therapist, or long talk. Having Coitus in front of people did the trick! What!?
It's us just being us, and it is extremely comfortable, so much so, that I am shocked at times.
I am getting your book today, and want to Thank You for being so out and open with your situation, and inspiring people to explore their true happiness, while feeling safe.
To me, marriage is a bit out-lived, an institution that today, really should be customized. The happiest couples I know, in every social group, have a unique twist in their marriage, and do it their own way. It's a partnership, and all partnerships are unique and different.
I pray you are at Barnes and Noble!!
Thanks for sharing your story; I am going to head out to get your book. I have been thinking about an open marriage. Not sure if my husband would be up for it.
I wish I could have an open marriage like you. My husband is a jealous person, he is a great husband and fantastic dad, he is my best friend and I would never want to lose him, I love him, and yet I want more. I don't understand why I have been feeling this way, I've tried to bury it, but these feelings keep coming back. I feel trapped. Do you have any advice?
I am not a jealous person, but my husband is. I wish I could have an open relationship like you. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, we have two kids and we have a lot of history together, he is my best friend and yet I want more. . . I feel trapped and not sure what I can do about it. Any advice?
I also have an open marriage. We're doing very well and are yet another example that it can work. Neither of us is involved with anyone else at this time, and we don't need to be in order for us to happy. We don't go to sex parties or swing with other people, we just don't feel the need to restrict any other relationships to being platonic. Especially since my wife is bisexual I believe it would be cruel of me to expect her to deny that part of her simply because we fell in love and decided to share our lives together.
Thanks again, Jenny, for putting yourself out there on the front lines of bringing non-conventional relationships out of the closet. I do look forward to meeting you in person someday, even if only at a book signing!
I think it's nice that you have what you need in relationships and your husband and girlfriend are (I assume) happy with the arrangement too. I think a similar arrangement would be wonderful for us, as my wife is bisexual, probably a bit more lesbian than straight, and she doesn't really have enough in the way of close friendships. I think she needs that intimacy with a woman. I am older than she is and I suspect her sex drive will be going strong long after mine dwindles, so this isn't your typical "I want to watch" thing on my part. I have no need to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone else, I just really believe my wife would be so much happier with a girlfriend, like the way you've described your relationship with yours. I don't think it will ever happen, though, as we both come from very strict religious backgrounds. We've gotten over the "sex is evil" bit, but I cannot in my wildest dreams envision a situation like yours being OK with our extended families, and I'm sure my wife would have a lot of guilt issues around it. I'm happy for you though...
Hi-
No, he sure doesn't. But they are very good friends!
Best,
Jenny Block
Author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage"
www.jennyonthepage.com
Hi-
Thanks for your question. It's a tough one to be sure. First, you have to ask yourself a few questions.
1. Are you a jealous person?
2. Have you ever been in a fully satisfying monogamous relationship?
3. Do you find yourself always wanting additional partners no matter how happy and healthy your primary relationship may be?
4. Do you have more than one best friend?
This is an extreme over-simplification to be sure. But if you answered "no" to 1 and 2 and "yes" to 3 and 4, than you may be someone who should explore the possibilities open relationships have to offer.
If you answered "yes" to 1 and 2 and "no" to 3 and 4, well, this might not be your cup of tea. The key to open relationships is communication. But the cornerstone is two partners who are both on-board.
A good way to find out if it might work for you is to read everything you can get your hands on that addresses this topic. You can find information all over the web and in your local bookstore. If you find yourself nodding along page after page, you just may have your answer!
Wishing you all the best,
Jenny Block
Author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage"
www.jennyonthepage.com
