Why Powerful Men Cheat
John Edwards is just the latest powerful man to stray from his wife.
We've been around the block. We've seen enough political figures dropping trou to, if not yawn at the John Edwards scandal, then to certainly not be surprised by it. We've learned that even those politicians with an upstanding rep, adorable kids, and a kick-ass wife—maybe even especially those—seem to stray. The thing we've yet to uncover, though, is why.
We get the human nature thing. A USA Today/Gallup poll conducted in March of this year — right after the Eliot Spitzer scandal broke — found that 54 percent of Americans know someone with an unfaithful spouse. We're no math whizzes, but it seems to reason that unless each of the 1,025 people polled was referring to the same couple, that means half of all relationships in the U.S. suffer from infidelity—and people talk about it. But, with so much at stake and so many falling before them, how can men in the public eye cheat on their wives—and expect to get away with it? Read Diary Of A 23-Year-Old Mistress
Edwards, for one, wanted to explain, and so he did, on ABC's Nightline last Friday:
"This is what happened," he told a stone-faced Bob Woodruff. "I grew up as a small town boy in North Carolina. And I came from nothing, worked very hard, dreamed that I'd be able to do something hopeful and helpful to other people with my life. I became a lawyer. Through a lot of work and success, I gained some acclaim as a lawyer. People were telling me, 'Oh you're such a great person, such a great lawyer, such a talent. You're gonna go—there's no telling what you'll do.' And this was when I was 30, 31 years old. Then I went from being a senator— young senator—to being considered for vice president, running for president, being a vice presidential candidate, becoming a national public figure. All of which fed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe that, that you can do whatever you want. You're invincible. And there will be no consequences."
To paraphrase: "I used to be poor. Then I got rich and important. Then I thought I was so awesome that not only did I deserve to sleep with another woman, I also thought I wouldn't get caught. So I did it." Interesting, for sure, and a much more thorough (albeit scripted) explanation than we've gotten from a politician before. But reading his sentiment—and seeing him deliver it on camera all earnest blinks and furrowed eyebrows—makes us want to call BS. Can we?
Discussion
Well, Elizabeth Edwards seems to blame herself for it all. Here's my opinion on that:
http://www.yourtango.com/200925478/kind-wife-who-gets-cheated
It wasn't that he had an affair, it was how did he pay for it that started this. Politicians, Rock Stars, Oil Men, Truck drivers, Sales men, military, ministers, spouses of the terminally ill.....now lets start on their wives.....
We hear about it because they are public figures. Has nobody noticed how much Enquiring Mind crap you have to weed through in the news to get to the Informative Mind News? As sad as it is I know of 3 brother-in-laws who had affairs, I am the bratty baby sister....yet, all sisters stopped having sex for 5-16 years due to cancer treatments or terminal illness surgeries....don't forget his wife is going through how much treatment and surgeries for how long? Yes, I would have an affair as well. So let's be fare here shall we? This all got brought in because of the question on how it all was paid for, she originally did not want him to run because she knew it would come out.....Standing by your spouse during these times is one thing, but I can say I am human and sexually aware enough, as my brother-in-laws, that I would be in need of an affair if I was in the same situation. She can't...so he did...
Men can and will always cheat if a man aint cheating I bet you he is thinking about it or he's thinking if an oppurtunity came about he would do it. Well I dont see it as cheating because couples that been married for a long time eventually start doing there own thing and still stay together whats wrong with that even I get tired of my girlfriends food from time to time what I do go out to eat that dont mean I wont ever eat her food again it so much women in the world you make us look like horrible people how could you stand being around someone 24/7 for twenty thirty years I mean some people divorce after that long if it were me I would've divorce years before so you cant come with your sexiest bull because I know women who live double lives and will take it to the grave everybody saying look at Bill and Hilary. Hilary is a ride a die till death do us part there is no other man out there for her and she knows that were human I wish women would just honest with us guys for once I think about other women all the time is that cheating is it cheating if I look what I cant have females friends anymore remember there is 10 women to 1 guy. can a women say that no too emotional it will crush your spirit make you feel dirty in the inside if you were married to this powerful guy and you know he cheated would you leave him. mind you said powerful guy I bet you no because you already knew what you were getting into another reason why no cause you wont find another powerful guy unless you were powerful yourself
So do powerful men cheat disproportionately more than "non-powerful" men, or do they just get a lot more publicity?
And do men really cheat more than women? The latest statistics on *that* show the gap is narrowing perceptibly.
Powerful men cheat because they normally have bigger ego's. They got the money, witch a lot of women like. And the power alone is worth the woman bragging. But generally the rest of us are to blame for helping people like this get to where they are. We just keep patting them on the back and telling them how great they are. Of course they are going to believe it, and start to test their boundaries. Any of us in their shoes would probably do the same thing.
Men, powerful or not, cheat because they can. Some men seem to believe it is the way it is – here I find myself on a business trip, my wife is not here, and I know a lady friend who wants to take care of me for the evening – no one will ever know. For most of these encounters – no one ever does. Not all folks kiss and tell and I believe many understand the fling for what it is – a fling. Now powerful guys have many disadvantages here and should know better. The crazy thing is that powerful guys CAN get away with a lot more than most and I believe for every affair discovered; there are at least 5 more hidden.
While I cannot speak for powerful women, I believe powerful women get off differently. I absolutely believe that every time a powerful woman hears the roar of the crowd, wins a business deal, or gets one of her children an advantage – she scores. I see this celebration in my wife and I understand just as you see the wives of powerful men stand by these men after the affair – these wives also understand.
I think a big reason powerful men cheat is because they can. They face a lot more temptation than other men. Younger women offer to show them their thong underwear. Fans want to be able to say they slept with a rock star. Dedicated campaigners tell them they're like Gandhi, even though they're cheating on their wife with a woman they picked up in a bar. Employees or students look up to them and admire them. And sometimes they do get away with things and that may add to their feeling of being above the rest of us.
The real question to me is why don't powerful women cheat? Are they less attracted to adoring younger men who don't match their achievements? Are they less able to believe that they are still attractive because of what we hear about older women? Do powerful women see through flattery and idolization better? Are they more worried about what it would do to their careers?
Spitzer is still a mystery to me, though. What he did was so clearly foolish and self-inflicted.
Well stated, I agree 100%. Powerful men tend to have charisma and there is no short supply of adoring followers who would jump at the chance of having some of that attention being focused on them.
As for powerful women, I like to think that they are more immune because, often, it doesn't seem like it's charisma that got them where they are but sheer talent and determination. Just compare Bill to Hilary.