Sex & The Curvy Girl
How overweight women manage sex, love—and stereotypes.
Last month during an intimate girls' night in, I publicly posed the question that many overweight women wonder but never say aloud: "Is someone only going to marry me to get US citizenship?"
I don't mean to knock cross-cultural love, but the fear I'd always had confronted me a few days before. A woman I knew—a good-looking gal with a great job and also about a hundred excess pounds—just got engaged to a weird-looking guy who I don't think speaks English.
And, apparently, my fears are pretty commonplace among bigger gals. Says Wendy Wimmer, a blogger for the popular fat acceptance blog ElasticWaist.com, "The bumper sticker says it all: 'No fat chicks.' I have a lot of guy friends and they kind of forget that I'm a chick sometimes, so I have a glimpse into this male mindset, and I see the societal expectation for them to have a trophy girlfriend."
Jenny* rarely dated when she was in college or in her early twenties. "I wouldn't get a lot of attention," she says. "All my friends would be getting chased, and I wouldn't." AJ Feuerman, a graduate student at the University of Southern California, has had similar laments: "I have had a couple guys tell me that they didn't want to date me because of [my weight]. I had one guy tell me health is such an issue that he couldn't imagine being with someone who looked so unhealthy. It was one of those few instances where I wished a guy had lied to me."
While it seems shocking that a guy might say that, maybe it shouldn't be. A Yale University study this year found that the average woman starts to experience discrimination when she becomes thirteen pounds overweight, while an average man can be nearly 70 pounds past a six-pack before his size interferes with his relationships or his work. The authors of the study also noted that "sizeism" was more socially acceptable than discrimination based on sexual orientation, ethnicity or nationality, and disability.
This discrimination, Wendy thinks, is what drives curvy women to settle: "You can only be a strong-willed woman... for so long," she's written. "How many times can you be turned down because you're a fat chick? If someone doesn't push you down because of your weight, you're just like, 'Oh, thank God.' Do you live your whole life without your sexy time, or do you just go with this person?"
Hardly surprisingly, many women take the rejection to heart. Says AJ, who is currently dieting, "It's one thing if a guy rejects you because your personalities don't match or you have a habit he doesn't care for, but those are all things you can't do anything about—that's your personality, that's you. But when a guy rejects you because of how you look, it hurts more, because it's something you can change and it's something you can't change fast enough to please him."
Discussion
I think it's just another excuse someone is giving because they can't get a date! I've been told by men that I'm beautiful... BUT NOT ALL MEN. I have been stood up on a date or never asked out. I never dated in high school and only had sex for the first time, when I was 19. I've never been fat, so what could have been the reason. My ex married a short, ugly, fat, women... so how did she do it. Everyone in my department is fat, but only 1 isn't married.
It's not that these women are fat, it's that they let being fat make them self conscious! Men are attracted to women PERIOD... but what gets a girl a date is confidence.
It is seriously ridiculous to keep calling fat women curvy. There are no euphemisms for men. We simply get fat. Well that Budda roll is not an attractive curve. This is not at all to say that a few extra pounds arent appreciated because it means the girl doesn't feel like a rock. There is a constant call for women to not be made sex symbols but there are fairly basic reasons for this. Women bear children and have better looking secondary sex characteristics. Just as beautiful art is prized and published all over, so are women's bodies, because they are beautiful. Secondly, for hundreds over years women were viewed as property and as a way to produce a male family heir. These things arent going to change. Of course the media portrays only one "type" of good looking female and that is pathetic, but the basic facts that an attractive("better" hip to waist ratio, pretty face) female will get looked at more because a man's caveman instincts tell him that that is a better female to have a child with. Deal with it, and dont whine so much about something you CAN change
"the basic facts that an attractive("better" hip to waist ratio, pretty face) female will get looked at more because a man's caveman instincts tell him that that is a better female to have a child with. Deal with it, and dont whine so much about something you CAN change"
Men in many societies are attracted to women with a certain waist-to-hip ratio, but how much your waist goes in has more to do with age and childbearing than being fat or thin. In different times and place very fat women have been considered the most attractive.
You might want to think twice before calling on evolutionary biology. Fat women are more fertile. Fat on a woman is a sign of health and fertility. It would make sense for men to actually be attracted to overweight women.
Fat men, on the other hand, have lower testosterone. They are less fertile and less able to hunt or protect a woman. It would make sense for women to find overweight men unattractive.
Evolution has also made if very hard if not impossible for all of us to lose weight, though it may be a little harder for women due to hormonal differences.
Maybe what we should focus on is our human nature. We have evolved to be intelligent moral beings capable of love. That helps us adapt and survive. That is natural for us.
Have you ever met a man that doesn't like boobs? I've never! And here's another one question: have you ever met a curvy girl without boobs? That's right! NEVER! So, what's the issue to discuss? I know a lot of sexy guys who have a preference for "curvy" women. It's so simple, at least, to start cycling together. The result- the girl's shape becomes more attractive but not less curvy.
P.S. and don't forget about sexercices that also help burning your calories. If you are alone, chose the appropriate sex toy
Good heavens. You with the gut are not curvy. Instead of hiding behind some euphemism, and then being mad with how the world reacts to you, take charge of your health. The real, curvy women like myself, have hips, boobs and a small waist while maintaing a healthy weight. I'm lucky that I have good genetics so it takes minimal effort ( 20 min workout) to maintain a healthy weight, I realize it may be harder for others, but I think it would be well worth whatever it takes to be healthy.
I've read all these comment's and can honestly say I feel most are true in some regard. As an overweight woman of a certain age, I have had to deal with the stereotype's presented time and again. I have been overweight most of my life, and I must say this has lead me to make many bad decision's, blaming all of course on my weight. The horrible choice I made in a mate was of course because I was fat and didn't think I could get someone better, (as in, someone who keep's a job, doesn't abuse me or my kid's, and doesn't cheat with everything that breathes). This of course, was wrong. Leaving school to be with him was because I knew that it was smarter to marry him than ensure that I could have the tool's to get a job where I could make a living wage, instead of scraping by and subjecting my children to a life of, "I'm sorry, baby, Mom can't afford shoe's right now. Let's try next paycheck."
Yes, this was because, I was fat. No one else would want ME. When he left me saying " don't hate me for wanting something better" This was because of course, he was an a#$#hole. But you know, what could I expect.
The next was a bit better, but still couldn't keep a job, and finally left without a word. Leaving me in a new city, not knowing a soul, no transportation and no job.
At this point, you know what, I did some soul searching, and finally figured out. This has nothing to do with weight. This is my perception of it, and that of myself. It's not because I'm a big ole girl. It's because I buy into all that crap about how you have to be thin to be accepted. Me. All along. Damn. I was a hypocrite. I didn't want a big man. I wanted someone who, when he was beside me, people would wonder, "How did she get him?" Not knowing what it cost. How could they? I had a good sized martyr complex. I got off on how they, once they knew the situation, would wonder why I stayed. It was good attention. Not like being Moo'ed at in school. WOW! Time to freakin' grow up.
Some of it, yes, is societies view of the ideal. A young girl is easily manipulated into thinking she is not good enough if she has no support. Sometime's even if she has it.
Today folk's, believe it or not, while we still have our, Megan Fox and our Jennifer Aniston, we also have, Queen Latifah and Mo'nique. There aren't many, but there are more role model's for girl's growing up now, than there were in the 70's and 80's, who are larger than the idealized view of women we see in Maxim. My girl's at least stand a chance of being able to see someone more real than an airbrushed, never to be attained image of how they are supposed to look. That's a good thing. It's also good that both the aformentioned women lost weight for their health. Not all of us are predispostioned to be thin. But we should never allow ourselves to view ourselves as subpar because we are not a Playboy centerfold. Most are not.
We are human being's worthy of love, respect, and all the good thing's a person should be able to expect from life. We need to see that we are wonderful and fascinating people on our own. We can't blame our weight, large or small for our mistake's. Our mistake's are our own, and we need to take responsibility for them.
By the way, I am now married to a man who love's me as I am. He is gorgeous, funny, smart, and all the thing's a woman could want in a man. All I had to do was be myself.
And, oh yes baby, the sex is awesome.
i am a curvy young woman almost 20 years old. i'm so lucky though. i am married to a great sexy man who loves all of my curves. he used to be a big fella when he was young but now he is a stud. he says if he were with a skinny girl he feels like he would snap her into like a twig. we have the best marriage and little son too. today is our 1 year wedding anniversary!
well, maybe if the media could show that ALL women have sexual sides, not just skinny ones that would help. im overweight. and i love sex. and ive gotten catcalls and wistles from guys, im sexy. i know it. they know it. i just happen to be bigger than the "norm". maybe if us plus size gals could embrace OURSELVES, more people would follow the example.
I am going to give my male thought, I am a heavy set man, I prefer a woman with some meat on her. I do not like the skinny barbie doll model looking girl. I have dated them, back when I was 5'10 170, blond, blue, nice clothes and money to spare. and found then the most shallow women I ever meet. Since then I have only dated women who had a little more. I do not mean the obese either. I find that they are generally more involved with being intimite. They are much more likely to be more involved in having a relationship. My biggest complait. is that the women, even the slightly heavy, or curvy woman, is still looking for Ken doll, instead of the Kevin James doll.
There are men who like curvier women...there may be fewer, and you may have to wait a few years for them to mature and stop caring about what their friends will think about them dating a non-maxim model lookalike, but they exist! ;)
I'm working on my weight with the help of dance classes, smaller portions, and Alli (http://www.healthbeautyncs.com/rd_p?p=186122&t=9530&a=28136-yourtango&gi...); but that doesn't mean you have to sit out the dating game while you get healthier.
I just think it's an "to each their own" kind of thing. I don't like when articles are put out about "I didn't get this because I'm fat" or "I didn't get this because I'm _______ color" etc. If you're going to let it limit you enough to debilitate you, that's on you. It can't be put on the guys who don't find you attractive.. what about all the ones that do that you're missing? If you are in a situation, and you only think with that mindset w/o being open to options, then you get tunnel vision.. what you put out is what you will receive. If you think no one thinks your attractive, maybe you should look at your insight of yourself, whether the cause be color, weight, religion etc. If you don't like it, change it.. if you can't change it, change your attitude about it.
I think it's unfair to throw this on men. Just like women, men have their ideas about what they find attractive. I know plenty of women who won't date a man because he is too short, or not muscular, or "dumpy". Discrimination is when something is withheld from a certain group that is usually affordrd to everyone. A man's desire for a certain type of woman is not something that everyone in the population can ever hope to attain. He may like skinny women, he may like not-skinny women, but that is HIS preferance. And really, many people (men and women alike) aren't nearly as picky when trying to find a one-nighter as they are when looking for a relationship.
I am by no means skinny and I have a laundry list of personal issues with my body, but the man I'm with tells me I'm beautiful and that's enough for me. I was no smaller when I met him than I am now, and I have never been at a loss to find a man when I had the right attitude about it.
I've struggled with weight all my life. I agree with the discrimination factor against overweight people; I've heard all those kinds of comments the authors notes were made to her.
At least " I have a pretty face." Seriously, being 20-60 pounds overweight never hindered my opportunity to get a job, or sex, or to find a man. I did have to wait longer to find a man because I had to filter the losers out :)
That 20-60 pound weight range over the years was caused by "yo yo" dieting. I would lose 20 pounds, and regain it after a couple of years, and then 5 pounds more. Your body has a setpoint and we have to make heroic and active habits to overcome that. That's the reality. It's easier for those not born with fat genetic material--we're all different.
I think the marketing messages we get of be super-thin or you are nothing make us feel completely unaccepted, and result in overeating and depression/anxiety.
I don't have a solution, other than to keep trying to be the best you can be. Don't devalue yourself if you aren't perfect: no one is perfect.
If you're in the market to find a partner: be decent with others, don't be fake, and go for someone with similar values as you. If they are shallow, they aren't for you.
As someone who has been fighting her weight for decades, I agree with this article. I've gone up and down, from kind of overweight, to really overweight, and it does affect how you are perceived. When I'm kind of overweight, men will hit on me because the weight lowers my status enough to be approachable (ie, fat girls try harder), but when I'm very overweight I'm invisible. My sister, who is extremely obese, just got laid off, and now she is desperately dieting because she knows she is unhirable at her current size.
The funny thing is, I've found something else that is even more unattractive to men: brains. Jan Brady was right: Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. Back in the dating days, I got tired of hearing "Wow, that's amazing! You're really interesting to talk to." but he winds up getting the phone number of a fluff-head. I found that if I liked a guy, I needed to dumb down to get and keep his interest, and if I wanted to get rid of a guy, be myself.
Ways to dumb down (so he'll like you): Talk about stuff you saw (don't say read) in Cosmo, Redbook, Elle, etc. Time, Popular Mechanics, National Geographic, anything with the words 'science' or 'tech'is off limits.Talk about celebrities. Gossip about people you know. Make sex jokes, the more juvenile the better. Say more than 3 sentences about your outfit, hair, makeup, shoes. Talk about chick shows and chick flicks. When he tells a joke, pause for a moment, then start laughing, like you had to take a minute to figure it out. Never, NEVER, talk about the news, science, art, culture, history, politics, books (unless they are trashy), or finances (unless you are complaining how complicated they are). Use a lot of slang and common mis-pronunciations and bad grammar (say 'on accident' not 'accidentally). Ask how to spell words, don't ever answer the question on how to spell something unless you get it wrong. Take off the glasses. Instead of figuring out a new device, be helpless and confused. Never do math unless it's simple math like figuring up change, then say that you used to be a cashier, and never ever do it in your head. Don't discuss classic movies unless you are commenting on clothes and hair. If you are in college, talk about psych, art, and english classes; complain how hard the rest of them are.
I'm sure this works, but don't you end up with a fluff-headed boyfriend? It seems to me that if you're looking for a relationship, you need a guy as smart as you are. Being yourself is a way to weed out the ones you aren't good enough for you.
People try to argue that its acceptable to not want to be with an obese partner b/c it they are unhealthy. Well that's complete crap? Would you say it was acceptable to not be interested in someone who had a health problem that didn't affect their appearance. Would you not like someone b/c they had cancer and were "unhealthy"? The truth is most ppl who say they don't like big girls b/c they are unhealthy wouldn't have a problem dating someone who was skinny and had high cholesterol (yes, it's possible, and not *that* uncommon for a thin person to have high cholesterol).
I can agree with how these women feel. People act like being skinny and wearing a size zero to two is sexy. It's not!! I gained all my weight after I had my son and I felt so ugly, I didn't want to go anywhere, I even hated being naked in front of my boyfriend because i felt like he didn't like me. But three years later I'm coming to terms with what I look like, I mean I'm losing some weight for me because this is what I want to do, but I think that women who are plus size are beautiful!!! People may think that skinny women are happy when I think in reality they want some of what us "big girls" can offer. Being skinny doesn't make you beautiful and I think that any man who turns down an woman based on what she looks like is superficial and was never meant for you. Don't give yourself to just anyone because you don't want to be alone, carry yourself with pride and dignity and know that you are beautiful. There is someone out here for everyone. BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN< STAND UP!!!!!
Okay. I read the article and the posts here. I understand everyone's point of view. I am overweight about 60 lbs. I wasn't always this way, I have two children and I have become too relaxed in my free time. I don't blame my pregnancies or the dad. I know my shortcomings, so I can't fault a guy who looks like Brad Pitt to say "Hey, your not my type." and that's putting it nicely. I know that if I am looking for a particular guy who is well built and atheletic, well then it would only make sense me to pursue a more active lifestyle considering what type of female he is used too and is looking for.
Yes, we all say you should love somebody for who there are not what they are...... Okay, sure we should, but we don't. I'm sure every overweight person is not satisfied 100% with themselves. you may say you are, but that moment comes when you step out the shower and look in the mirror. There is nothing sexy or cute about rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, dimples, a lady gut...no sorry....just not cute. Look at the comedian Mo'Nique, all the speeches she did about accepting fat women, and poof! Months later she has dropped 80-90 lbs due to health concerns......well duh, being overweight is unhealthy, but I'm sure her satisfaction of her overall appearance was a motivating factor.
There are people out there that are attracted to heavy individuals, that's great. However, the majority of society is at looking for a healthy individual overall. Appearance and Health play critical factors in a relationship. I've come to find a lot of overweight women have to be strong to make up for their image. I don't blame society....sorry I blame us. If I am overweight it is only my own fault, no one else. I can get up and be more active, I can eat right, I can say no to that ice cream bar. Only you can change yourself. If you keep trying and failing, it's because you don't really want it, you just want to give up and be fat. Believe me I know, I struggled with diets and exercise and used all the excuses... no time, too expensive, too tired. All bull. Then the tables were turned.
I dated an overweight guy, largely overweight. This was my first time ever. It seemed like he carried all the same insecurities about himself and made the same excuses. This is what made me change my ways. I stopped eating crap, because when I saw him eating I would think, "Is that how it really is with me?" After that, I drank more water, ate more fruits/veggies, used small portions. And you know what? After two days, I felt great! More energy, I actually wanted to go out and be active and do things! It really hit home when I saw all these things affecting this guy that really turned me off, his personality was great, he was even cute, but he was way overweight. He complained he didn't like it but was too lazy to change his lifestyle. He actually admitted it.
That's what it took for me too see. So no, I can't blame people for not wanting to date fat people, because I have been there and done it and no matter how many times you try to say "It's okay." It'll work"....you are just lying to yourself. That may be fine with you, but what about the person you are with, they deserve the consideration of you maintaining your body. It takes self control and the right attitude to reach your goal. Plus as you start dropping pounds you feel yourself getting happier and happier. Believe me it's worth it.
my friend (who is 6'3 and she is overweight) and she and her boyfriend (who is much thinner than her) have been dating for over 4 years now. I asked her how did they meet and she said that when you are overweight you cant really flaunt your looks but you can flaunt your personality.
On another note i know a few men that are attracted to heavier females. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, he doesnt like you because of your weight thats on him. Loneliness comes around for everybody and for some people it stays around. So i can understand but i also think if none of the guys your around have interest to you then its time to meet some new people. You are only as good as the friends you keep.
It's one thing to be more attracted to people who are a healthy weight. It's another to abandon someone if they change. Women gain weight after they have babies. Sometimes it doesn't all go away. How can a guy walk away from a woman because she used her body to help his kid grow and that made her body look less attractive to him?
Women and men gain weight as they age, even if they are eating the same amount as before. It's harder to lose weight as you get older. Dieting usually doesn't work. Don't judge people too harshly.
You also have to remember that your body will change in other ways as you get older. No matter how hard you try to control it, at some point you're going to look old. You might be ill and disabled someday. At some point love has to come in.
My ex's mom asked him why he didn't try to make things work with me, especially because we have a son together. he told her because I was still too fat from the pregnancy and he couldn't stand the way I looked. It hurt, but you know what, screw him! And it's funny because I have a new BF of 3 months and I didn't realize how much at first, but my curves make him go absolutely crazy! He jokes that I can workout if it's what I want but begs me not to lose the curves - especially the a**. Ha! It takes all kinds...
Almost imposible to believe. Most men,self included, think pregnant women look beautiful. And of course it takes some time to loose that weight again. But if your almost just as heavy one year later---That's another story.
The really hard part of your story is believing he left you because you are still overweight. Oftentimes their is an attitude that goes along with being overwieght.
My gal looks good. Six weeks after having our child she was back in her old jeans. Many women can't do that. My gal is highly motivated. I love her attitude. I think it would be an insult and complete disreguard for her if I let my belly hang over my belt. It did once-too much consumption and not enough activity. Besides, I read once that our "sexual being" is much based on our self image. Now that goes much further than just physical self image, but it's a good part of it. When my belly hung over my belt-I didn't feel very physically appealing. My libido even started to wane.
I don't look down on "Plus Sized Women". But I think it's quite delusional for Big,Big gals(60-70lbs overweight is BIG) to look at the fact that most handsome men aren't attracted to them and therefore they are jerks. In about as much as my buddy that has a H.S. GED and sells bagels on the street -keeps hanging out in uptown Manhattan cocktail lounges and complains that the really nice chicks with executive jobs look right past his personality and turn their backs on him. He claims it's not his fault he's not smart enough to have a more impressive job. I say he ought to either accept it or go back to school. Of course he says he's tried but can't seem to finish even one course;and that besides-he says he's happy with who he is-why can't they be? Hmmm.
OK ladies. I guese I'm the first male here. Yes, men like attractive shapely women. They don't have to be Elle McPherson or Carrie Prejean-in fact most average men would be intimidated by such a perfectly shaped body unless they thnk they themselves are God's gift to women and then they are really just searching for something to appease their ego. But aren't women also attracted to a man that has an attractive physical appearance? A man that obviously has the discipline to take care of his body and not allow himself to become very overwieght? It says much about one's self esteem -particularly their ability to address reality and overcome issues that may be preventing them from being an attractive and desireable mate. I take exception to the statement in the article that claims women are overweight at 13lbs. but that a man can be 70 lbs over before weight is considered an issue-in the real world. For a woman that is 60-70 lbs overweight to expect that a man that watches his diet and weight and has a BMI within standard limits (it takes a concious effort) should be equally attracted to them is about as real as expecting a woman that watches her weight and is within standard BMI limits to be attracted to a man that is 60-70 lbs overweight. Could happen, but not most likely. Most all people that have attractive physics have had to exercise considerable discipline to stay that way. It's a lifestyle. Most have all had several lbs of excess weight at one point or another and made an effort to change their lifestyle because they didn't like being overweight. Encountering someone that is obviously well past that point speaks volumes. If for no other reason it is not sexually attractive. And like it or not, that is what sparks desire in most all men and women. True, there are men-AND WOMEN that are very discriminatory and even cruel toward overwieght people,but for the most part they would just rather court someone that appears to have the same physical ideals as themselves. Thus STARTS the basis for attraction in many relationships.That's reality. While there are some issues beyond consumption vs activity that may account for a persons physical shape -MOST has to do with calories consumed and calories burned; thyroid conditions and family traits(family lifestyles??) are greatly overstated. Eighteen hundred calories per day is considered average. Some may NEED 2000, while some may only need 1500 particularlly if they want to loose weight. It depends on activity levels -and SOME metabolism levels. I enjoy eating potato chips and dip and drinking soda's -I rarely ever do it. It would be real easy to come home after a long day at work and just lay in front of the TV and watch a video (or two) but I know that vigorously working in my yard or taking a few laps around the track will keep me where I want to be. I'm not going to be inclined to date someone that doesn't share those ideals.
I agree with pretty much everything you said. I realize that most of the ladies will not appreciate what has been said, but maybe just maybe one will be open minded enough to truely understand what is being said. This has nothing to do with being cruel to women. I think it is cruel to tell a man he is wrong because he wants to be attracted to the person he is with.
This is not about men wanting size 00 women. Like this gentlemen has tried to explain. If you are obese and 40,50,60 lbs over weight it cannot be defened by saying, well Im just not going to be a size 00 woman. Who said anything about size 00, or size 1 or 2 or 3 or 4, etc?
I too passed through the discrimination when i was pregnant and had grown big. Some men can be cruel how can a man not love his wife just because she put on a few pounds of weight. But i think the more reason why men dislike fat women is because they are Unfaithful,Greedy and selfish. They dont follow the vows" For better or worse." People should love someone for who she is not what she looks like. I gree with most of you here. Men are D....
I honestly can't believe some of the discrimination that gets thrown at bigger women.. it's disgusting, it makes me livid. People have these seriously damaging misconceptions about obesity and health/beauty - guess what, just because a woman is overweight doesn't mean she's unhealthy. In fact, most of the health problems attributed to obesity actually stem from the repeated attempts at dieting, which can really f**k up your body. People assume I'm some health queen, because I'm a size 00 and seriously underweight, but I got that way from being very very sick. Christ, there's nothing healthy about me. And then some girl who actually is fit, but is just a little bigger, gets s**t like that thrown at her. What a backwards society we live in.
Not sure what "sh*t like that " you're referring to. You mean what Watersland had to say. I don't see how anyone could find it offensive. I think it's -as he said-"reality". No-one called you 'fat chicks'.Sometimes reality initially hurts. But as I've heard it said, "The truth hurts but it WILL set you FREE." I've got some real good friends-female-that are fat. I love em. But I'm not physically attracted to them. Many people are. But I don't attempt to denegrade women that for some reason or another(I'm almost bald-look at my avatar) don't find me attractive. I suppose if I were single and it seemed most women were put off by my large forehead( I have to draw a line on my forehead in the bathroom-so I know where to stop washing my face at) I might consider a hair-weave or something(NOT-bald is in....but 30yrs ago it wasn't and I was considering ) but I wouldn't complain about it. Hey, maybe fat will be in one day.
With all due respect, some of you women may be fat, but some of you sound really ugly-and thats not a physical thing. Maybe it's not just the weight the men are responding to.
I dont understand where you are coming from? I havent seen anyone that said anything bigger than a size 00 is bad? The problem is that women defend themselves when they are obese by doing exactly what you are doing. Saying "do you want me to be a size 00?". I dont think many guys, if any at all, want to be with a size 00 lady. There is a huge difference between size 8 and size 20. A size 8 is not obese, not even close. So when you say something like, "And then some girl who actually is fit, but is just a little bigger, gets s**t like that thrown at her." What is a little bigger? A BMI of 30 is not a little bigger, a size 20 is not a little bigger. Going from size 00 to size 6 or size 8 is a little bigger and not concidered obese. I believe this is where things break down when it comes to weight. Conversations go to an extreme. Men just like women would like there partner to be an appropriate weight. Obeses people are not healthy, that is why its called being obese. Being size 00 through unhealthy means isnt healthy either. There is an appropriate weight which gets skipper over in defense of being overweight.
I think there is something wrong with society but I dont agree with your reasons. We are an extremely overweight society and find more and more reasons why it is acceptable. It isnt acceptable.
For anyone that is overweight and is not not happy about it, why are you settling? Why are you ok with being overweight? In a single year, 12 months you can change your whole body. In the next 12 months that will pass no matter what, change yourself. Just do it, stop saying you cant because you can, it happens every day.
Just my 20 cents.
Before being married, I was the one that guys never talked to other than friendship. My other two girlfriends were the typical Southern California Girls...blonde hair and thin. They were the ones always getting attention and hit on when we would go out. Looking back, I would not change it! I am now 2 years into a wonderful marriage with a guy who treats me like every woman should be treated. He loves me for the way I am inside and not the way I look, though he calls it the added bonus.
I have always told myself (when single), why waist my time with all the heartaches and drama that come with guys only wanting to talk to you because of the way you look. That is not a true relationship. If they can not see pass the exterior they are not worth your time or effort. Don't sell yourself short! Every woman needs to find the guy that will treat her like a princess...if he doesn't then go kiss another frog! Happy Kissing!
Another horrible assumption and defense mechanism of being overweight. The only thing you can gather before talking to someone is the way they look. We are each attracted to different types of people. The way someone looks, the way they take care of themselves is a good indication of their personality also. If someone takes care of themselves it says they have self respect and discipline. If they don't it tell mes they dont really care about their body. If they dont care f their body and complain about it, it tells me they dont care of their body and don't posses the will power to change it.
I think it is wrong to judge people that are physically attracted to other people. Sure there are people that are only with other people because of the way they look, but what is wrong with being with someone because they are attractive to you and you like their insides. This isnt an either or equation.
The man you are with does love you for the way you look and who you are. Wouldnt it be more appropriate to say to someone, "You are very beautiful inside and out".
Been there done that. I am still part of all this because I am a plus size and in my culture its a big no no. I have been listening to my parents and looking at all my family shaking there head in disapproval of my size and telling me that i will never get married with this body. But personally i believe all these people are shallow and they don't want to look at my achievements. I never had a hard time finding a date I always attracted decent amount of boys. I am currently in nyc where half of the population is stick thin and proud of it.
I was in a relationship where my ex bf will taunt me n tell me i am not good looking enough and i don't have a sexy body and i don't look good when i stand next to him. It was all bs because i was still getting more attention then he was. So, I asked him you don't have a problem F*** me but u have a problem with my weight then y are u with me?
I am now engaged to a loving person who loves me for who I am and appreciate my curves. Its about time we face reality and stop symbolizing women as sex objects. I never had an issue while i was having sex and yes I was never an easy target. It is just a stereotype.
No matter what someone tells me I keep my head high and work on what I believe is right. Being big is not a crime or it is any kind of disability.
Being curvy is real and sexy !
I was about 200 (at 5'3") pounds a year ago, and finally decided to lose the weight. I am now at 145 and can honestly say it has not made me much happier. Healthier, yes. More energetic, check. Happier? If anything I'm more frustrated. Going from the fluffy girl the guys wanted to talk to because I was interesting to the hot girl that guys want to talk to to get laid... Not so much fun. I'm very disillusioned. Even guys that I've known for a few years that I considered friends are trying to crawl into my pants. My advice to all women who think that it would be fantastic to be hit on by everyone: it sucks. Because you will be hit on my EVERYONE you have EVER known and it's torture because you'll never know who to trust ever again. It really is true that men only care about one thing and one thing only...
I'm not saying that I'm wishing for the weight back (I'm really healthy now), I just wish people didn't look at my body before looking at "me".
So you had just as many men wanting to talk to you when you were overweight that you do now that you are at a more healthier weight? Or do more guys talk to you in general now? It isnt true that all guys want is one thing. This is a very easy situation to fix. Don't sleep with them. Any guy that hangs you with you and accepts that you aren't going to have sex with him, will be one to keep around. Plain and simple. It just might happen that you have a lot more guys talking to you now.
I also don't think you'll get any simpathy from the women when you say so many guys hit on you now. Maybe since you lost weight you change the way you act or dress? maybe you are trying to flaunt what you have accomplished so it is attracting the wrong kind of guy?
How could they not look at your body before looking at you? It doesn't make any sense. The major different is how they act towards you. I think what you mean is you would rather guys respect you. Im guessing guys are making inappropriate comments or touching you, or just trying to convince you to have sex with them. That is really different than looking at your body before looking at you.
Being hit on by everyone probably can suck, but you might just need to find a way to present yourself in a way that doesnt make it look like you are ok with it.
AMEN!!!!! Nobody is perfect.. I am 5'7, with a very straight body type.. All my measurements are 40+.. I also am from Texas, and I have to say, I have been with a man for 4 years who thinks he is Gods gift to women.. Has one of the biggest ego's I have ever seen in a man.. But can't live without my hips and butt.. HaHa.. So yes, there are stereotypical guys in Texas who love the fluffy girls.. Me personally, I would be the same way.. Bones break, and girls that small.. May as well be having sex with pillows strapped to them or somebody's gonna get hurt.. Jeez.. I didn't used to be this big.. So, I can say that with experience.. On the other hand though, there is a limit to what size you should let yourself get to.. Unless burdened by genetics or some other glandular problem, take care of yourself.. You just don't have to go overboard with it... Most of all. learn to be happy with how you look. Find things that make YOU feel better about YOURSELF!!! You are what's important in your life.. And life is short.. Enjoy it..
We live in a society where women are to be attractive to men. We are encouraged to be pretty, and "what men want", this is what we all strive for. I have no problem with that, for at the same time, this is what women also look for when we look for friends, hire employees, and even go shopping. I live in Texas, and in this state overweight, even obese women are desired sexually and romantically. Normal, average sized women, and "model" types aren't attractive past college graduation. Even here, clothing is sized larger! So with most of the women in the country at least a size 12 or larger, overweight is now the norm.
Wow, what part of Texas are you in? I have lived in Austin, College Station, and currently in Houston and I am fat. I have never been asked on a date, most of my friends who are also overweight have also experienced difficulties dating. My thin and averaged sized (I'm going to call that 6-12) have not had too many problems getting dates. Granted, its sometimes a "odds are good, but the goods are odd" situation, but whatever they're still ahead of us heavier girls in the dating game. Also, I've lived in other states and the clothes are the same size everywhere. When I go shopping I'm often hard pressed to find clothes over a size 10 unless I go to a specialty store like Lane Bryant. Not to say that there aren't any overweight women dating here, because there are, I see them. But I think they are not the norm. And just a sidenote....I wouldn't imply that a size 12 automatically means someone is overweight. When I was a teenager I wore at size 12. At 5'6" and 140 pounds I was not overweight. Too say that the "normal" sized women aren't desired is just I dunno.... I will say most men I know require their women to have a pretty face as well as a "model type" body.
Even sites like this play into the "perfect female body" type with every single one of their stock photos (how many "normal" women look quite so hot in all of the lingerie on display, I wonder?). Why even bother to run stories like this, when the pictures are saying that a woman just ain't worth it if she doesn't look like a model or porno....?
"Sexualizing the female body" is exactly what has to stop. As a woman you cannot go "anywhere" that you are not bombarded by images of sexualized female images. Even woman's magazines buy into this damaging idea to market their product. But why? BECAUSE WOMEN ALLOW IT. If we want our daughters to have a different world we have to make it different and stop giving men the power to categorize us according the stereotypes they have created.
IM A LARGE SIZE GAL. I LOVE MY BODY I GET PLENTY OF SEX. GOOD SEX THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Men are so much less forgiving of a woman's body type. If a man is overweight, but smart or funny, no one thinks twice. But a woman in the same situation is discriminated against, not just in social settings but in professional settings as well. This is what happens in a society that sexualizes the female body. It is ridiculous. But the only way to change it is for women to stop criticizing other women and their bodies.
I agree completely Lyz.
I'm a belly dancer and while I'm not a large girl, I dance with some women who are. I also dance with real tiny women. They get criticized too. I also dance with 20 somethings and 50 somethings! I've learned to look at them and see women, pure women, nothing more or less. They can dance in public, show their bellies, whatever and be proud. Some people don't like watching us. But most reaction is quite positive, and women who watch us perform are delighted to see us having so much fun, no matter our ages or sizes.
