Sex & The Curvy Girl
How overweight women manage sex, love—and stereotypes.
Last month during an intimate girls' night in, I publicly posed the question that many overweight women wonder but never say aloud: "Is someone only going to marry me to get US citizenship?"
I don't mean to knock cross-cultural love, but the fear I'd always had confronted me a few days before. A woman I knew—a good-looking gal with a great job and also about a hundred excess pounds—just got engaged to a weird-looking guy who I don't think speaks English.
And, apparently, my fears are pretty commonplace among bigger gals. Says Wendy Wimmer, a blogger for the popular fat acceptance blog ElasticWaist.com, "The bumper sticker says it all: 'No fat chicks.' I have a lot of guy friends and they kind of forget that I'm a chick sometimes, so I have a glimpse into this male mindset, and I see the societal expectation for them to have a trophy girlfriend."
Jenny* rarely dated when she was in college or in her early twenties. "I wouldn't get a lot of attention," she says. "All my friends would be getting chased, and I wouldn't." AJ Feuerman, a graduate student at the University of Southern California, has had similar laments: "I have had a couple guys tell me that they didn't want to date me because of [my weight]. I had one guy tell me health is such an issue that he couldn't imagine being with someone who looked so unhealthy. It was one of those few instances where I wished a guy had lied to me."
While it seems shocking that a guy might say that, maybe it shouldn't be. A Yale University study this year found that the average woman starts to experience discrimination when she becomes thirteen pounds overweight, while an average man can be nearly 70 pounds past a six-pack before his size interferes with his relationships or his work. The authors of the study also noted that "sizeism" was more socially acceptable than discrimination based on sexual orientation, ethnicity or nationality, and disability.
This discrimination, Wendy thinks, is what drives curvy women to settle: "You can only be a strong-willed woman... for so long," she's written. "How many times can you be turned down because you're a fat chick? If someone doesn't push you down because of your weight, you're just like, 'Oh, thank God.' Do you live your whole life without your sexy time, or do you just go with this person?"
Hardly surprisingly, many women take the rejection to heart. Says AJ, who is currently dieting, "It's one thing if a guy rejects you because your personalities don't match or you have a habit he doesn't care for, but those are all things you can't do anything about—that's your personality, that's you. But when a guy rejects you because of how you look, it hurts more, because it's something you can change and it's something you can't change fast enough to please him."
Discussion
I think it's unfair to throw this on men. Just like women, men have their ideas about what they find attractive. I know plenty of women who won't date a man because he is too short, or not muscular, or "dumpy". Discrimination is when something is withheld from a certain group that is usually affordrd to everyone. A man's desire for a certain type of woman is not something that everyone in the population can ever hope to attain. He may like skinny women, he may like not-skinny women, but that is HIS preferance. And really, many people (men and women alike) aren't nearly as picky when trying to find a one-nighter as they are when looking for a relationship.
I am by no means skinny and I have a laundry list of personal issues with my body, but the man I'm with tells me I'm beautiful and that's enough for me. I was no smaller when I met him than I am now, and I have never been at a loss to find a man when I had the right attitude about it.
I've struggled with weight all my life. I agree with the discrimination factor against overweight people; I've heard all those kinds of comments the authors notes were made to her.
At least " I have a pretty face." Seriously, being 20-60 pounds overweight never hindered my opportunity to get a job, or sex, or to find a man. I did have to wait longer to find a man because I had to filter the losers out :)
That 20-60 pound weight range over the years was caused by "yo yo" dieting. I would lose 20 pounds, and regain it after a couple of years, and then 5 pounds more. Your body has a setpoint and we have to make heroic and active habits to overcome that. That's the reality. It's easier for those not born with fat genetic material--we're all different.
I think the marketing messages we get of be super-thin or you are nothing make us feel completely unaccepted, and result in overeating and depression/anxiety.
I don't have a solution, other than to keep trying to be the best you can be. Don't devalue yourself if you aren't perfect: no one is perfect.
If you're in the market to find a partner: be decent with others, don't be fake, and go for someone with similar values as you. If they are shallow, they aren't for you.
As someone who has been fighting her weight for decades, I agree with this article. I've gone up and down, from kind of overweight, to really overweight, and it does affect how you are perceived. When I'm kind of overweight, men will hit on me because the weight lowers my status enough to be approachable (ie, fat girls try harder), but when I'm very overweight I'm invisible. My sister, who is extremely obese, just got laid off, and now she is desperately dieting because she knows she is unhirable at her current size.
The funny thing is, I've found something else that is even more unattractive to men: brains. Jan Brady was right: Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. Back in the dating days, I got tired of hearing "Wow, that's amazing! You're really interesting to talk to." but he winds up getting the phone number of a fluff-head. I found that if I liked a guy, I needed to dumb down to get and keep his interest, and if I wanted to get rid of a guy, be myself.
Ways to dumb down (so he'll like you): Talk about stuff you saw (don't say read) in Cosmo, Redbook, Elle, etc. Time, Popular Mechanics, National Geographic, anything with the words 'science' or 'tech'is off limits.Talk about celebrities. Gossip about people you know. Make sex jokes, the more juvenile the better. Say more than 3 sentences about your outfit, hair, makeup, shoes. Talk about chick shows and chick flicks. When he tells a joke, pause for a moment, then start laughing, like you had to take a minute to figure it out. Never, NEVER, talk about the news, science, art, culture, history, politics, books (unless they are trashy), or finances (unless you are complaining how complicated they are). Use a lot of slang and common mis-pronunciations and bad grammar (say 'on accident' not 'accidentally). Ask how to spell words, don't ever answer the question on how to spell something unless you get it wrong. Take off the glasses. Instead of figuring out a new device, be helpless and confused. Never do math unless it's simple math like figuring up change, then say that you used to be a cashier, and never ever do it in your head. Don't discuss classic movies unless you are commenting on clothes and hair. If you are in college, talk about psych, art, and english classes; complain how hard the rest of them are.
I'm sure this works, but don't you end up with a fluff-headed boyfriend? It seems to me that if you're looking for a relationship, you need a guy as smart as you are. Being yourself is a way to weed out the ones you aren't good enough for you.
People try to argue that its acceptable to not want to be with an obese partner b/c it they are unhealthy. Well that's complete crap? Would you say it was acceptable to not be interested in someone who had a health problem that didn't affect their appearance. Would you not like someone b/c they had cancer and were "unhealthy"? The truth is most ppl who say they don't like big girls b/c they are unhealthy wouldn't have a problem dating someone who was skinny and had high cholesterol (yes, it's possible, and not *that* uncommon for a thin person to have high cholesterol).
I can agree with how these women feel. People act like being skinny and wearing a size zero to two is sexy. It's not!! I gained all my weight after I had my son and I felt so ugly, I didn't want to go anywhere, I even hated being naked in front of my boyfriend because i felt like he didn't like me. But three years later I'm coming to terms with what I look like, I mean I'm losing some weight for me because this is what I want to do, but I think that women who are plus size are beautiful!!! People may think that skinny women are happy when I think in reality they want some of what us "big girls" can offer. Being skinny doesn't make you beautiful and I think that any man who turns down an woman based on what she looks like is superficial and was never meant for you. Don't give yourself to just anyone because you don't want to be alone, carry yourself with pride and dignity and know that you are beautiful. There is someone out here for everyone. BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN< STAND UP!!!!!
Okay. I read the article and the posts here. I understand everyone's point of view. I am overweight about 60 lbs. I wasn't always this way, I have two children and I have become too relaxed in my free time. I don't blame my pregnancies or the dad. I know my shortcomings, so I can't fault a guy who looks like Brad Pitt to say "Hey, your not my type." and that's putting it nicely. I know that if I am looking for a particular guy who is well built and atheletic, well then it would only make sense me to pursue a more active lifestyle considering what type of female he is used too and is looking for.
Yes, we all say you should love somebody for who there are not what they are...... Okay, sure we should, but we don't. I'm sure every overweight person is not satisfied 100% with themselves. you may say you are, but that moment comes when you step out the shower and look in the mirror. There is nothing sexy or cute about rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, dimples, a lady gut...no sorry....just not cute. Look at the comedian Mo'Nique, all the speeches she did about accepting fat women, and poof! Months later she has dropped 80-90 lbs due to health concerns......well duh, being overweight is unhealthy, but I'm sure her satisfaction of her overall appearance was a motivating factor.
There are people out there that are attracted to heavy individuals, that's great. However, the majority of society is at looking for a healthy individual overall. Appearance and Health play critical factors in a relationship. I've come to find a lot of overweight women have to be strong to make up for their image. I don't blame society....sorry I blame us. If I am overweight it is only my own fault, no one else. I can get up and be more active, I can eat right, I can say no to that ice cream bar. Only you can change yourself. If you keep trying and failing, it's because you don't really want it, you just want to give up and be fat. Believe me I know, I struggled with diets and exercise and used all the excuses... no time, too expensive, too tired. All bull. Then the tables were turned.
I dated an overweight guy, largely overweight. This was my first time ever. It seemed like he carried all the same insecurities about himself and made the same excuses. This is what made me change my ways. I stopped eating crap, because when I saw him eating I would think, "Is that how it really is with me?" After that, I drank more water, ate more fruits/veggies, used small portions. And you know what? After two days, I felt great! More energy, I actually wanted to go out and be active and do things! It really hit home when I saw all these things affecting this guy that really turned me off, his personality was great, he was even cute, but he was way overweight. He complained he didn't like it but was too lazy to change his lifestyle. He actually admitted it.
That's what it took for me too see. So no, I can't blame people for not wanting to date fat people, because I have been there and done it and no matter how many times you try to say "It's okay." It'll work"....you are just lying to yourself. That may be fine with you, but what about the person you are with, they deserve the consideration of you maintaining your body. It takes self control and the right attitude to reach your goal. Plus as you start dropping pounds you feel yourself getting happier and happier. Believe me it's worth it.
my friend (who is 6'3 and she is overweight) and she and her boyfriend (who is much thinner than her) have been dating for over 4 years now. I asked her how did they meet and she said that when you are overweight you cant really flaunt your looks but you can flaunt your personality.
On another note i know a few men that are attracted to heavier females. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, he doesnt like you because of your weight thats on him. Loneliness comes around for everybody and for some people it stays around. So i can understand but i also think if none of the guys your around have interest to you then its time to meet some new people. You are only as good as the friends you keep.
It's one thing to be more attracted to people who are a healthy weight. It's another to abandon someone if they change. Women gain weight after they have babies. Sometimes it doesn't all go away. How can a guy walk away from a woman because she used her body to help his kid grow and that made her body look less attractive to him?
Women and men gain weight as they age, even if they are eating the same amount as before. It's harder to lose weight as you get older. Dieting usually doesn't work. Don't judge people too harshly.
You also have to remember that your body will change in other ways as you get older. No matter how hard you try to control it, at some point you're going to look old. You might be ill and disabled someday. At some point love has to come in.
My ex's mom asked him why he didn't try to make things work with me, especially because we have a son together. he told her because I was still too fat from the pregnancy and he couldn't stand the way I looked. It hurt, but you know what, screw him! And it's funny because I have a new BF of 3 months and I didn't realize how much at first, but my curves make him go absolutely crazy! He jokes that I can workout if it's what I want but begs me not to lose the curves - especially the a**. Ha! It takes all kinds...
Almost imposible to believe. Most men,self included, think pregnant women look beautiful. And of course it takes some time to loose that weight again. But if your almost just as heavy one year later---That's another story.
The really hard part of your story is believing he left you because you are still overweight. Oftentimes their is an attitude that goes along with being overwieght.
My gal looks good. Six weeks after having our child she was back in her old jeans. Many women can't do that. My gal is highly motivated. I love her attitude. I think it would be an insult and complete disreguard for her if I let my belly hang over my belt. It did once-too much consumption and not enough activity. Besides, I read once that our "sexual being" is much based on our self image. Now that goes much further than just physical self image, but it's a good part of it. When my belly hung over my belt-I didn't feel very physically appealing. My libido even started to wane.
I don't look down on "Plus Sized Women". But I think it's quite delusional for Big,Big gals(60-70lbs overweight is BIG) to look at the fact that most handsome men aren't attracted to them and therefore they are jerks. In about as much as my buddy that has a H.S. GED and sells bagels on the street -keeps hanging out in uptown Manhattan cocktail lounges and complains that the really nice chicks with executive jobs look right past his personality and turn their backs on him. He claims it's not his fault he's not smart enough to have a more impressive job. I say he ought to either accept it or go back to school. Of course he says he's tried but can't seem to finish even one course;and that besides-he says he's happy with who he is-why can't they be? Hmmm.
OK ladies. I guese I'm the first male here. Yes, men like attractive shapely women. They don't have to be Elle McPherson or Carrie Prejean-in fact most average men would be intimidated by such a perfectly shaped body unless they thnk they themselves are God's gift to women and then they are really just searching for something to appease their ego. But aren't women also attracted to a man that has an attractive physical appearance? A man that obviously has the discipline to take care of his body and not allow himself to become very overwieght? It says much about one's self esteem -particularly their ability to address reality and overcome issues that may be preventing them from being an attractive and desireable mate. I take exception to the statement in the article that claims women are overweight at 13lbs. but that a man can be 70 lbs over before weight is considered an issue-in the real world. For a woman that is 60-70 lbs overweight to expect that a man that watches his diet and weight and has a BMI within standard limits (it takes a concious effort) should be equally attracted to them is about as real as expecting a woman that watches her weight and is within standard BMI limits to be attracted to a man that is 60-70 lbs overweight. Could happen, but not most likely. Most all people that have attractive physics have had to exercise considerable discipline to stay that way. It's a lifestyle. Most have all had several lbs of excess weight at one point or another and made an effort to change their lifestyle because they didn't like being overweight. Encountering someone that is obviously well past that point speaks volumes. If for no other reason it is not sexually attractive. And like it or not, that is what sparks desire in most all men and women. True, there are men-AND WOMEN that are very discriminatory and even cruel toward overwieght people,but for the most part they would just rather court someone that appears to have the same physical ideals as themselves. Thus STARTS the basis for attraction in many relationships.That's reality. While there are some issues beyond consumption vs activity that may account for a persons physical shape -MOST has to do with calories consumed and calories burned; thyroid conditions and family traits(family lifestyles??) are greatly overstated. Eighteen hundred calories per day is considered average. Some may NEED 2000, while some may only need 1500 particularlly if they want to loose weight. It depends on activity levels -and SOME metabolism levels. I enjoy eating potato chips and dip and drinking soda's -I rarely ever do it. It would be real easy to come home after a long day at work and just lay in front of the TV and watch a video (or two) but I know that vigorously working in my yard or taking a few laps around the track will keep me where I want to be. I'm not going to be inclined to date someone that doesn't share those ideals.
I agree with pretty much everything you said. I realize that most of the ladies will not appreciate what has been said, but maybe just maybe one will be open minded enough to truely understand what is being said. This has nothing to do with being cruel to women. I think it is cruel to tell a man he is wrong because he wants to be attracted to the person he is with.
This is not about men wanting size 00 women. Like this gentlemen has tried to explain. If you are obese and 40,50,60 lbs over weight it cannot be defened by saying, well Im just not going to be a size 00 woman. Who said anything about size 00, or size 1 or 2 or 3 or 4, etc?
I too passed through the discrimination when i was pregnant and had grown big. Some men can be cruel how can a man not love his wife just because she put on a few pounds of weight. But i think the more reason why men dislike fat women is because they are Unfaithful,Greedy and selfish. They dont follow the vows" For better or worse." People should love someone for who she is not what she looks like. I gree with most of you here. Men are D....
I honestly can't believe some of the discrimination that gets thrown at bigger women.. it's disgusting, it makes me livid. People have these seriously damaging misconceptions about obesity and health/beauty - guess what, just because a woman is overweight doesn't mean she's unhealthy. In fact, most of the health problems attributed to obesity actually stem from the repeated attempts at dieting, which can really f**k up your body. People assume I'm some health queen, because I'm a size 00 and seriously underweight, but I got that way from being very very sick. Christ, there's nothing healthy about me. And then some girl who actually is fit, but is just a little bigger, gets s**t like that thrown at her. What a backwards society we live in.
Not sure what "sh*t like that " you're referring to. You mean what Watersland had to say. I don't see how anyone could find it offensive. I think it's -as he said-"reality". No-one called you 'fat chicks'.Sometimes reality initially hurts. But as I've heard it said, "The truth hurts but it WILL set you FREE." I've got some real good friends-female-that are fat. I love em. But I'm not physically attracted to them. Many people are. But I don't attempt to denegrade women that for some reason or another(I'm almost bald-look at my avatar) don't find me attractive. I suppose if I were single and it seemed most women were put off by my large forehead( I have to draw a line on my forehead in the bathroom-so I know where to stop washing my face at) I might consider a hair-weave or something(NOT-bald is in....but 30yrs ago it wasn't and I was considering ) but I wouldn't complain about it. Hey, maybe fat will be in one day.
With all due respect, some of you women may be fat, but some of you sound really ugly-and thats not a physical thing. Maybe it's not just the weight the men are responding to.
I dont understand where you are coming from? I havent seen anyone that said anything bigger than a size 00 is bad? The problem is that women defend themselves when they are obese by doing exactly what you are doing. Saying "do you want me to be a size 00?". I dont think many guys, if any at all, want to be with a size 00 lady. There is a huge difference between size 8 and size 20. A size 8 is not obese, not even close. So when you say something like, "And then some girl who actually is fit, but is just a little bigger, gets s**t like that thrown at her." What is a little bigger? A BMI of 30 is not a little bigger, a size 20 is not a little bigger. Going from size 00 to size 6 or size 8 is a little bigger and not concidered obese. I believe this is where things break down when it comes to weight. Conversations go to an extreme. Men just like women would like there partner to be an appropriate weight. Obeses people are not healthy, that is why its called being obese. Being size 00 through unhealthy means isnt healthy either. There is an appropriate weight which gets skipper over in defense of being overweight.
I think there is something wrong with society but I dont agree with your reasons. We are an extremely overweight society and find more and more reasons why it is acceptable. It isnt acceptable.
For anyone that is overweight and is not not happy about it, why are you settling? Why are you ok with being overweight? In a single year, 12 months you can change your whole body. In the next 12 months that will pass no matter what, change yourself. Just do it, stop saying you cant because you can, it happens every day.
Just my 20 cents.
Before being married, I was the one that guys never talked to other than friendship. My other two girlfriends were the typical Southern California Girls...blonde hair and thin. They were the ones always getting attention and hit on when we would go out. Looking back, I would not change it! I am now 2 years into a wonderful marriage with a guy who treats me like every woman should be treated. He loves me for the way I am inside and not the way I look, though he calls it the added bonus.
I have always told myself (when single), why waist my time with all the heartaches and drama that come with guys only wanting to talk to you because of the way you look. That is not a true relationship. If they can not see pass the exterior they are not worth your time or effort. Don't sell yourself short! Every woman needs to find the guy that will treat her like a princess...if he doesn't then go kiss another frog! Happy Kissing!
Another horrible assumption and defense mechanism of being overweight. The only thing you can gather before talking to someone is the way they look. We are each attracted to different types of people. The way someone looks, the way they take care of themselves is a good indication of their personality also. If someone takes care of themselves it says they have self respect and discipline. If they don't it tell mes they dont really care about their body. If they dont care f their body and complain about it, it tells me they dont care of their body and don't posses the will power to change it.
I think it is wrong to judge people that are physically attracted to other people. Sure there are people that are only with other people because of the way they look, but what is wrong with being with someone because they are attractive to you and you like their insides. This isnt an either or equation.
The man you are with does love you for the way you look and who you are. Wouldnt it be more appropriate to say to someone, "You are very beautiful inside and out".
Been there done that. I am still part of all this because I am a plus size and in my culture its a big no no. I have been listening to my parents and looking at all my family shaking there head in disapproval of my size and telling me that i will never get married with this body. But personally i believe all these people are shallow and they don't want to look at my achievements. I never had a hard time finding a date I always attracted decent amount of boys. I am currently in nyc where half of the population is stick thin and proud of it.
I was in a relationship where my ex bf will taunt me n tell me i am not good looking enough and i don't have a sexy body and i don't look good when i stand next to him. It was all bs because i was still getting more attention then he was. So, I asked him you don't have a problem F*** me but u have a problem with my weight then y are u with me?
I am now engaged to a loving person who loves me for who I am and appreciate my curves. Its about time we face reality and stop symbolizing women as sex objects. I never had an issue while i was having sex and yes I was never an easy target. It is just a stereotype.
No matter what someone tells me I keep my head high and work on what I believe is right. Being big is not a crime or it is any kind of disability.
Being curvy is real and sexy !
I was about 200 (at 5'3") pounds a year ago, and finally decided to lose the weight. I am now at 145 and can honestly say it has not made me much happier. Healthier, yes. More energetic, check. Happier? If anything I'm more frustrated. Going from the fluffy girl the guys wanted to talk to because I was interesting to the hot girl that guys want to talk to to get laid... Not so much fun. I'm very disillusioned. Even guys that I've known for a few years that I considered friends are trying to crawl into my pants. My advice to all women who think that it would be fantastic to be hit on by everyone: it sucks. Because you will be hit on my EVERYONE you have EVER known and it's torture because you'll never know who to trust ever again. It really is true that men only care about one thing and one thing only...
I'm not saying that I'm wishing for the weight back (I'm really healthy now), I just wish people didn't look at my body before looking at "me".
So you had just as many men wanting to talk to you when you were overweight that you do now that you are at a more healthier weight? Or do more guys talk to you in general now? It isnt true that all guys want is one thing. This is a very easy situation to fix. Don't sleep with them. Any guy that hangs you with you and accepts that you aren't going to have sex with him, will be one to keep around. Plain and simple. It just might happen that you have a lot more guys talking to you now.
I also don't think you'll get any simpathy from the women when you say so many guys hit on you now. Maybe since you lost weight you change the way you act or dress? maybe you are trying to flaunt what you have accomplished so it is attracting the wrong kind of guy?
How could they not look at your body before looking at you? It doesn't make any sense. The major different is how they act towards you. I think what you mean is you would rather guys respect you. Im guessing guys are making inappropriate comments or touching you, or just trying to convince you to have sex with them. That is really different than looking at your body before looking at you.
Being hit on by everyone probably can suck, but you might just need to find a way to present yourself in a way that doesnt make it look like you are ok with it.
AMEN!!!!! Nobody is perfect.. I am 5'7, with a very straight body type.. All my measurements are 40+.. I also am from Texas, and I have to say, I have been with a man for 4 years who thinks he is Gods gift to women.. Has one of the biggest ego's I have ever seen in a man.. But can't live without my hips and butt.. HaHa.. So yes, there are stereotypical guys in Texas who love the fluffy girls.. Me personally, I would be the same way.. Bones break, and girls that small.. May as well be having sex with pillows strapped to them or somebody's gonna get hurt.. Jeez.. I didn't used to be this big.. So, I can say that with experience.. On the other hand though, there is a limit to what size you should let yourself get to.. Unless burdened by genetics or some other glandular problem, take care of yourself.. You just don't have to go overboard with it... Most of all. learn to be happy with how you look. Find things that make YOU feel better about YOURSELF!!! You are what's important in your life.. And life is short.. Enjoy it..
We live in a society where women are to be attractive to men. We are encouraged to be pretty, and "what men want", this is what we all strive for. I have no problem with that, for at the same time, this is what women also look for when we look for friends, hire employees, and even go shopping. I live in Texas, and in this state overweight, even obese women are desired sexually and romantically. Normal, average sized women, and "model" types aren't attractive past college graduation. Even here, clothing is sized larger! So with most of the women in the country at least a size 12 or larger, overweight is now the norm.
Wow, what part of Texas are you in? I have lived in Austin, College Station, and currently in Houston and I am fat. I have never been asked on a date, most of my friends who are also overweight have also experienced difficulties dating. My thin and averaged sized (I'm going to call that 6-12) have not had too many problems getting dates. Granted, its sometimes a "odds are good, but the goods are odd" situation, but whatever they're still ahead of us heavier girls in the dating game. Also, I've lived in other states and the clothes are the same size everywhere. When I go shopping I'm often hard pressed to find clothes over a size 10 unless I go to a specialty store like Lane Bryant. Not to say that there aren't any overweight women dating here, because there are, I see them. But I think they are not the norm. And just a sidenote....I wouldn't imply that a size 12 automatically means someone is overweight. When I was a teenager I wore at size 12. At 5'6" and 140 pounds I was not overweight. Too say that the "normal" sized women aren't desired is just I dunno.... I will say most men I know require their women to have a pretty face as well as a "model type" body.
Even sites like this play into the "perfect female body" type with every single one of their stock photos (how many "normal" women look quite so hot in all of the lingerie on display, I wonder?). Why even bother to run stories like this, when the pictures are saying that a woman just ain't worth it if she doesn't look like a model or porno....?
"Sexualizing the female body" is exactly what has to stop. As a woman you cannot go "anywhere" that you are not bombarded by images of sexualized female images. Even woman's magazines buy into this damaging idea to market their product. But why? BECAUSE WOMEN ALLOW IT. If we want our daughters to have a different world we have to make it different and stop giving men the power to categorize us according the stereotypes they have created.
IM A LARGE SIZE GAL. I LOVE MY BODY I GET PLENTY OF SEX. GOOD SEX THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Men are so much less forgiving of a woman's body type. If a man is overweight, but smart or funny, no one thinks twice. But a woman in the same situation is discriminated against, not just in social settings but in professional settings as well. This is what happens in a society that sexualizes the female body. It is ridiculous. But the only way to change it is for women to stop criticizing other women and their bodies.
I agree completely Lyz.
I'm a belly dancer and while I'm not a large girl, I dance with some women who are. I also dance with real tiny women. They get criticized too. I also dance with 20 somethings and 50 somethings! I've learned to look at them and see women, pure women, nothing more or less. They can dance in public, show their bellies, whatever and be proud. Some people don't like watching us. But most reaction is quite positive, and women who watch us perform are delighted to see us having so much fun, no matter our ages or sizes.