Stop Settling for So-So Sex!
By Ky Henderson. Posted on .
Everyone has dealbreakers.
They're the unalterable qualities in your prospective partner that eliminate the possibility of a happy relationship. Some are shallow: gnarly feet, freakishly small hands, a CD collection that's a little heavy on the Limp Bizkit. But others are critical indicators of compatibility: he doesn't want kids and you do. Or his deeply held religious convictions don’t mesh with your own.
But one potential dealbreaker defies categorization: bad sex. Is it a shallow concern that shouldn't matter if two people care about each other? Is it the ultimate indicator of compatibility because it's so primal? Or is it not a dealbreaker at all because, with enough time and effort, it can be fixed?
"Sometimes people just need a little physical training," says Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of Sex So Great She Can’t Get Enough. "But since passion is practically a philosophical concept, bad sex almost always results from emotional, mental, and physical issues."
Before you can figure out whether you can improve the bad sex you're having, you have to figure out if you're having bad sex. Every couple has an unsatisfying or disappointing encounter now and again.
You're tired, or the kids interrupt you, or the 11 happy-hour mai tais you accidentally drank make it impossible to get even one leg out of your pants. Using movies—which almost always depict couples having perfectly lit, simultaneously orgasmic sex (Check out some erotic flicks you'll both like)—as a yardstick will only make you feel needlessly inadequate. So what, exactly, qualifies as bad sex?
