I'm embarrassed to admit that I was an "Insert Groom" bride-to-be. You know the type: the woman who fantasizes about her wedding in such detail that when she finally meets Mr. Right, and he proposes, planning the event is a snap.

In just two weeks, I'd booked all the big-ticket items. All I had to do for the rest of our engagement, I figured, was register for gifts, be feted by friends, and, of course, revel in my luck. I'd kissed a lot of frogs, so I knew how right my fiancé was for me.

When I started to feel sad, anxious, and irritable, I was confused, to say the least. At times I became a complete Bridezilla—a bitchy, self-absorbed, entitled, wedding-obsessed, perfectionistic, stressed-out nightmare of a person.

I felt a deep pit of sadness in my stomach about leaving my single life. I felt paralyzed by fear of the future. I felt isolated and alone, unsupported by my family and friends, none of whom seemed to understand what I was feeling.

Worst of all, the emotional roller-coaster scared me. "Oh my God," I thought. "If I'm feeling this upset, does it mean I should call off the wedding?"

The rare times I admitted to my conflicting emotions, I generally heard one pat response: "It's a rite of passage," family and friends would say. "Of course you're having a hard time." But what was a rite of passage, and how could I go through mine more gracefully?

I'd just completed my master's degree in counseling psychology, so I took myself on as a client, so to speak, to explore and understand what the hell was going on with me.

All that self-analysis paid off: Six weeks before our wedding, the clouds lifted, and I felt genuinely happy and ready to get married.

Now I try to help other brides feel the same way. Most are afraid to give in to their sadness and fear, thinking that once they turn on the faucet, it'll never shut off. In reality, emotions work the opposite way.

When strong emotions are not felt, they grow in power. Facing—and feeling—negative emotions cleans house of fear and sadness, doubt and worry, and makes room once again for feelings of joy, excitement, and happiness.

What helps brides most, I've found, is to embrace reality instead of remaining wedded to their fantasies.

Fantasy: Once you're engaged, the decision to marry your fiancé is final.

Reality: During your engagement, you evaluate your fiancé and the relationship all over again, with even more intensity.

Why? When you were just boyfriend and girlfriend, self-protectively, you may have held yourself back from fully imagining a lifetime together. Now that he's about to become your husband, a future with your fiancé has become very real, and you're (understandably) looking at him with a more critical eye.