Why Staying At One Job Too Long Can Leave You Feeling Stuck, Even If It Looks Perfect On Paper
lexi M | Unsplash I was happy to have landed my first professional job in 1989. I remember it well: fresh out of grad school and ready to move to the big city of Toronto to start my grown-up life, I packed up my 1980 Honda Prelude with all of my worldly possessions and my ornery orange tabby cat, Hundleby.
The job I was going to was a one-year contract at a health unit as a tobacco use prevention health educator, and this was the first of four contract positions I would come to have. I never thought about a contract job being less than ideal until one of my employees at the third contract position started talking about how thankful she was that she finally landed a full-time, permanent job. Interesting. I guess because I was only in my mid-20s, I didn’t fully appreciate why a permanent position was so desirable.
Two jobs later, I finally found my full-time (and permanent) position. It was then that I finally understood why permanent jobs were a big deal — I started to feel a different sense of relief and security. I got engaged, and my kids came quickly — three babies in three-and-a-half years.
I was thankful to have a permanent job with benefits for three maternity leaves, that was for sure. My babies soon after grew into adolescents, and the braces soon followed. Again, thankful to have the wonderful benefits package that accompanies my permanent position.
Why staying at one job too long can leave you feeling stuck, even if it looks perfect on paper
Leiada Krözjhen / Unsplash
Something started to shift about 15 years into the job
Maybe it was a combination of dealing with some large and difficult life events — a huge house flood to the tune of $40,000 damage (thanks, Hurricane Katrina), my best friend’s sister's death, leaving her to care for her young niece, and moving to another house. I started to feel different, and I couldn't figure out why, so I saw my doctor about it, and she said that it wasn't depression, but rather stress. I needed some time off, and with her support, I was granted a year off unpaid leave.
The leave from work was just what the doctor ordered. I needed to regroup and slow down — to use the time to reduce chaos in my life and get back to basics. I didn’t “do lunch” with my girlfriends or take on any large projects during that year off.
I decided to reduce my life to pure simplicity
I started to feel better, but I also started to question how content I was at my job — I didn't want to go back. Several reorganizations at work, several job description changes, made my job start to look very different from the one I accepted way back in 1989.
In turn, I started to explore my options. I looked at different courses and careers online, spoke to people about courses, and wondered how I could capitalize on and leverage my education, degrees, and experience. I knew I needed a change, but was fearful, and I was unable to clue into what I really, truly wanted. I was stuck.
Then I got laid off. So much for permanence and security. Suddenly, my fear of leaving my "good", long-term job was gone, and I was forced to move on. My (now non-existent) job had been both a blessing and a curse. It provided me with what I needed while I held the position, but it made me fearful and insecure about leaving; I lost my sense of self because I had, for so long, defined myself by my job instead of doing something I really wanted to do.
I had forgotten how to dream
The experience of taking a break, then leaving my job entirely, was invaluable. Why hadn't I just chosen to leave a long time ago? I had talked myself into thinking I "needed" this job instead of growing within myself.
Suzy Rosenstein, MA, is a master certified life coach, midlife coach, mentor, and host of the popular podcast for midlife women, Women in the Middle.
