How To Tell When Someone Is Overcompensating For Their Own Insecurity, According To A Confidence Expert
"Confident people don’t do that."
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels Self-doubt is a sneaky attribute, one that lodges itself deep within us and ripples outward, changing the way we interact with the world around us. We might think it only affects how we see ourselves, but in reality, it affects the way we treat others, too.
A confidence expert shared the ‘super easy’ way to tell when someone is overcompensating for their own major insecurities.
Kasey Jones coaches people on how to “transform self-doubt into empowerment.” She recently revealed one way to decipher when someone’s seemingly-confident behavior is actually hiding deep-seated insecurity.
Jones qualified her thought process on the issue of hidden insecurity, saying, “I’ve seen this a lot in my life but I’ve really been noticing it lately. I’ve started to really think about who these people are and what makes them them, and all the rest.”
“There is one kind of common theme that I see in people that are really, really insecure and are just, like, filled with self-loathing and hope that other people don’t notice,” she said. “They are the people who, a big part of their personality, their vibe, is making fun of other people.”
“Sometimes, they are commenting on things that are kind of silly or are a little cringey, but it’s like a big part of who they are,” she continued. “They love being the one making the snarky little remarks, and sometimes, they’re really freaking funny.”
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Jones believes that being snarky is one way people shield themselves from their own self-loathing.
“No truly confident person enjoys talking trash about other people,” she revealed. “No truly confident person is, like, a gossiper. They are not someone who loves making sarcastic jokes about other people... Confident people don’t do that.”
She shared how making fun of other people in social situations creates this hall-of-mirrors effect, where the person doing the teasing deflects judgment from other people, just by virtue of talking about someone else.
Jones noted that teasing is a trick that makes someone seem cool and confident when really, they’re not.
“I know that a lot of those people who do that, they come across as confident, like, they’re the life of the party, they’re making jokes, everyone’s laughing. It would seem like they’re confident. They’re not. Deep down inside, they truly hate themselves, and they are just desperately hoping you don’t notice.”
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The person who’s commenting on what everyone else is doing is someone who doesn’t trust their own instincts, or even particularly like themselves.
True confidence is rooted in our own sense of self-worth and has very little — actually, nothing at all — to do with what other people think of us. While it might not seem easy to master, the more we love ourselves, the more confidence we project to the world around us, which makes us magnetic to other people.
So, the key to being the most interesting person in the room is simple: Be kind, both to yourself and others. Treat people with compassion, and soon, they'll flock to you.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers relationships, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.