16 Signs You're Way Too Nice For Your Own Good
There's nice. And then there's too nice.
Yuliya Yafimik / Shutterstock When someone tells you that you're too nice, it's not a compliment — it's a warning. They're trying to tell you that you're easily taken advantage of because it's practically impossible for you to say no.
You're a master at sucking it up, no matter how much of a jerk someone is being to you. It's not that you should be a jerk; it's just that if you're overly nice, you will be a doormat and be walked on for the rest of your life.
What does it mean to be 'too nice for your own good'?
Being nice is a great quality to have, but there is a difference between being nice and being too nice. The latter can actually be detrimental to one's mental health.
People who are too nice put other people's needs before their own. They rarely say no when people make requests or ask for favors. They often completely disregard their own personal needs and desires and put others above them.
They are also often described as a "people pleaser." Sound like you?
Knowing you, you're thinking, "I'm not too nice. I'm just polite and I care about people." If that's the case, you should take a look at these 16 signs you're way too nice.
Here are 16 signs you’re too nice for your own good.
1. You always allow people to go in front of you at the grocery store.
Even if you have just three items and they have well over the 12-item limit. You're positive they wouldn't ask if it wasn't a matter of life and death to get out of the store three minutes before you.
2. There's no such thing as an error in your favor.
If the grocery checker gives you too much change, even if it's only a few cents, you'll return it. If there's a mistake in your bank balance, you'll be sure to alert someone to it.
You don't want anyone to suffer at your gain, even if that means you got an extra order of fries at the drive-thru.
3. You have a rapid apology rate.
If someone bumps into you or interrupts you, you apologize. You take responsibility for everything, including other people's rudeness.
4. You donate to everything you can.
You've never met a crowdfunding campaign that you could refuse or a walkathon you couldn't support, and you're everybody's first draft for volunteer work.
5. You're overly-sensitive towards other people.
The idea of sending something back to the kitchen when they've got your order wrong has never crossed your mind, nor has correcting someone when they mispronounce your name. Well, you wouldn't want them to feel bad because of you.
6. You're extremely polite.
You'll give up your seat on the bus even if you can barely stand, hold the door open, and always say please and thank you.
7. You're haunted by other people's negative emotions.
Although you try to keep people happy, sometimes they get angry with you. If you unintentionally angered someone or hurt them, it will keep you up at night and you'll try to think of how you could've handled the situation differently.
As long as it doesn't involve confrontation, you'll do practically anything.
8. You over-tip like it's a law.
The waiter or waitress is going to like you the same amount whether you tip them fairly or over-tip them. They may think you're a boss for a minute or two, but then they're back to work.
The wait staff aren't your friends and neither is the maid service at the hotel. Oh, and the valet isn't going to write an essay about the person who gave them a $10 tip instead of the required $2.
9. 'Thoughtful' is your middle name.
During the holidays, everyone from the mail carrier to the UPS person gets a gift card from you. You're so considerate of others that you leave a full roll of toilet paper in the bathroom after you move out.
10. You have a reputation as a softie.
If anyone needs any kind of favor, you'll do it. Ride to the airport at two in the morning? Yes. Cat-sit even though you're allergic? Absolutely. And if someone needs money, you'll go without it so that you can lend it to them.
11. You care more about whether other people are having a good time.
If you're the host of the party, you don't have any fun because you're too busy making sure everyone else is having a good time. When you're a guest, you're doing everything you can to help the people throwing the party.
By now, everyone knows to look for you in the kitchen, because whether it's your party or not, you're doing the cleaning up.
12. You can't hide the nice.
Your niceness radiates off you, letting everyone know how approachable you are. And that means everyone. You don't have to respond with a smile and a thumbs up when someone catcalls you or a homeless person makes a comment about you.
13. You're always available to cover for someone.
You're already doing the job of three people, but that doesn't stop you from covering for someone when they need it. If you suspect that your company isn't in the black, there's no way you'll ask for a raise — even though you were promised one year ago.
14. You fall for scams easily.
Because you're so busy seeing the best in people, you never see the truth. You believe every sob story and are vulnerable to every scam artist.
15. You rarely ask for help.
The last thing you'd ever want to be is a burden to someone or put them out in any way. People may owe you but you'll never collect.
16. You're the best listener.
Your friend always tells you everything that's happening in their life in excruciating detail, yet never has time to listen to you, but you still take their calls.
When an older person corners you and goes on and on about how society has gone to rack and ruin, you listen intently because you don't want to hurt their feelings.
How To Stop Being 'Too Nice'
If you're too nice for your own good, there's no time like the present to learn to say "no." Saying no is one of the first steps to setting healthy boundaries which is something many of us need to do. Start letting people down, because you should come first. Always. Period.
Being nice and polite aren't bad qualities to have unless you're destroying your own self-confidence and self-esteem in the process. Try to find a balance between being nice and being a doormat. Practice kindness without sacrificing yourself in order to do it.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer and performer. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Bustle, Medium, and Woman's Day. Visit her website or her Instagram.