To The Girl Who Tries To Save Everyone But Herself
You can't fix everyone's problems for them, and you can't save everyone.
Bricolage / Shutterstock By Jessica Niziolek
Anyone who knows me knows that there are two specific parts of my personality that will always be with me.
The first part is the need to mother everyone. I’ve always been the mothering, nurturing type, and that is both a good thing and a bad thing.
The good thing is that I care, but the bad part is that I sometimes care way too much.
It took me a long time to realize that not everyone will feel or think the way that I do.
When a long friendship, or at least what I thought was a friendship at the time, ended unexpectedly, I realized that not everyone will do the same for you as you’ve done for them.
While I still help those I love and care about, I now know that I need to put some of that love and care on reserve for myself and for any future relationships I may have.
It took me a long time to learn the importance of setting boundaries for myself and how truly vital it is for my overall well-being.
If it wasn’t for that friendship unexpectedly ending, I wouldn’t have changed into the person I am now.
I make it a point now to listen to myself and my instincts more than ever before. My problem was that I became so interested in friendships or relationships that I didn’t take my brain with me.
I just went with what my heart was saying.
It’s not a bad thing to have a big heart, but there are those in this world who find it entertaining or worthwhile to take people’s hearts and playing with them without giving it a second thought.
I struggled for a long time. I didn’t understand what made people have no reaction or remorse towards the people who gave them so much without hesitation. In the last couple of years, I’ve realized that I can be a better person if I stop giving my time and attention to anyone who does not deserve it.
I got used to being a people pleaser; I always thought and if I said “yes” all the time and showed up every single time someone needed me, that that would automatically mean that I was on the top of someone’s VIP list.
Now that I’m older, being on someone’s VIP list is not a top priority in my life now.
I’ve realized the importance of quality over quantity. You don’t have to have a big circle of friends or family to support you throughout your life. If you can only count on one hand how many people you can truly trust in this life, then you are truly blessed.
It took me a long time to grasp that concept, but now at almost 36 years old, I can finally say I embrace that concept with my entire heart.
While I will always be one who wants to help everyone and fix what I can for those in need, I know that I do not have the ability to fix all the problems in the world.
No one’s superhuman; we’re all just human.
There’s this quote that goes, ”Use your smile to change the world; don’t let the world change your smile,” and I remember it every time I do help people.
People think you start finding yourself around your 20’s, but the reality is that as long as you’re breathing, you’re always trying to find yourself; you’re always trying to find a place where you can save everyone.
But, perfection does not exist, and you can’t save everyone.
You can’t fix everyone’s problems for them, and you can’t save everyone.
What you can do though, is be part of their support team in a healthy way. That means putting up boundaries and allowing yourself to say “no” every once in awhile. I assure you that the world will not end simply because you said “no” to something or someone.
So, for all those fixers and savers out there, take it from someone who knows. The only person you can truly help or fix is yourself.
Jessica Niziolek is a writer, poet, and founder of the Abler Blog. She's a contributor to Thought Catalog, The Mighty, Medium, Unwritten, and more.