When it came to her recent breakup, Suzie agrees. “Because there was nothing really wrong or "mean" I could point to directly as the catalyst to break things off, our relationship meandered along for MONTHS before I got the courage to break it off. I kept thinking there was something wrong with me or what I was bringing into the relationship.” The truth was that there was nothing wrong with either of them—they just weren’t right for each other.
So how do you know if you are staying in a relationship with a nice guy for the wrong reasons? Ask yourself the following:
• Am I staying because I think this is “as good as it gets?”
• Am I trying to convince myself to love him?
• Am I staying because I think I should like him?
• Am I staying because he’s nice, it’s comfortable and I don’t want to be alone?
• Am I staying until some thing (a new job, a raise, a puppy) or someone better comes along?
Then ask yourself:
• Do we have chemistry? (Is there a natural spark? Am I attracted to him?)
• Does he bring out the best in me?
• Does he challenge me to be a better person?
• Do we encourage each other to try new things?
• Do I respect him and does he respect me?
• Am I proud of who he is alone and who we are together?
• How do I imagine us ten years from now?
Asking these questions now may be all you need to find the courage to move on. It worked for Suzie. “I imagined myself 10 years into the future with this guy, and it scared the daylights out of me. I realized I'd rather be alone then drag things along with someone I knew there was no long term future with.” In the long run, settling doesn’t make for a happy and fulfilling relationship for either of you. “I had to let him go,” Suzie says. “I wasn’t going to lead him on and let him think that I felt the same way he did about me—when I really didn’t. It was painful because it was hard to tell someone that ‘there’s nothing really wrong with you, but I don’t feel anything for you.’ The only thing that makes me feel better is that I know he’ll have no trouble finding someone who will feel for him the way I couldn’t. He deserves that.”
We all deserve a relationship where we are cherished and respected, not just “good enough.” How would you feel if you knew your boyfriend was just “settling” for you? Pretty painful, right? So here’s the most important reason you shouldn’t settle for a “nice enough” guy. If you’re hanging on to the wrong guy—albeit a “nice” guy—you’ll miss out when the right one comes along for you.