By Tristan Coopersmith — Written on May 20, 2010
Guys can do the most puzzling things. Those things that make you go "WTF?!", lose sleep over, and ultimately call in your troop of girls to figure out. From phonaphobia to in your face flirting and post sex snoozing, here, ten of the most common man mysteries cracked to give you the dish on why guys do the idiotic things they do.
1.He texts ALL the time, but never calls.
MYSTERY SOLVED: Sure his texts brighten your day and you'd miss them if they disappeared but it would be nice to get a call every once in awhile, too. Doesn't seem like much to ask for, does it?! Well, there are two reasons your man is a phone-a-phobe. Most likely—he just hates the phone. You'd be hard pressed to find a guy who wants to chat about your day's drama—your awful co-workers, your BFFs sad breakup and so on. He'd rather spend his time working, sleeping, drinking, playing Mario Kart with his friends. The other explanation for his text obsessive behavior is that there is someone in his life that he doesn't want listening in on your convo. Could be a boss, a roomie, a nosy mom, or worse case, a current girlfriend. In either circumstance, texting gets the job done (engages you enough and allows for logistical planning) and if you aren't putting your foot down about it, he has no incentive to change his behavior.
2. He acts differently (i.e. distant) around his friends than when it is just the two of you.
MYSTERY SOLVED: When it is the two of you, your man is a living, breathing Valentine card—pure mush, but as soon as you two walk into guy's turf he barely acts like he knows you—at best you get a high five. Guys innately want to be one of the pack and oftentimes girlfriends ruin that. Sure in theory the guy with the girlfriend is the luckiest because he's the one who isn’t cold and lonely at night, but having a smoochy girlfriend hanging on him at the sports bar significantly decreases his macho cred. It simply is not cool for his friends to see him stroke your hair, whisper sweet nothings and Eskimo kiss you—rest assure if he does, when he hits the locker room later, he is going to get razzed pretty badly.
3. You've been having sex for awhile, but he never stays through the night.
MYSTERY SOLVED: Not much beats waking up to a warm, cuddly guy but yours keeps bolting like a thief in the night. Unless your bed is supremely uncomfortable, you snore like a freight train or he has some other reasonable excuse for vanishing (and no—I like to floss in my own bathroom doesn't cut it), chances are if he isn't staying to see the sun come up with you, he might have intimacy and/or commitment issues, or you have been relegated to booty call status. Either way, this is a guy who doesn't want to deal with tomorrow. He wants to be in his own bed. He wants freedom. He doesn’t want to spoon, go out to brunch in the morning or potentially be pressured into spending the whole next day with you—those are all things women crave, but men, not so much, unless they really like you.
4. He said, "I love you, but I’m not IN love with you."
MYSTERY SOLVED: Hearing these words sting and confuse the heart like no other sentiment. Sugarcoating aside, any way you cut it, this statement translates to "You are completely amazing, but you are not the girl for me." It could be coming from a guy who used to be in love with you but isn't any longer or it could be from a guy who has put you permanently in the friend zone, regardless of if you have been intimate of not.
5. The less interest you show in him, the more he wants to be with you.
MYSTERY SOLVED: It feels like you are reliving third grade all over again. You pay attention to him—he ignores you; you don't and he can't get enough! This is a classic case of immature game playing coming from a guy who enjoys the chase of dating more than the idea of an actual relationship which offers little opportunity to win or to lose. Baked into this type of guy's being is the thrill of the pursuit—it gives him a high of power and if you play into it, well you are playing his game. Show him zero interest though and eventually he will find another opponent because it is no fun to play against yourself.
6. He flirts with other women... IN FRONT OF YOU!
MYSTERY SOLVED: His ace flirting skills may be just the thing that scored your interest but seeing him perform in front of you on other women has you steaming mad... and rightfully so! This man mystery can occur for a few reasons depending on the guy and his intent. First, he could just be a disrespectful pig, who is well, just not that into you and is scouting alternatives right there in front of you. If that's not the case, he may possibly be trying to make you jealous. He wants you to know that you aren't his only option—that you need to stay on your toes. Further this could be his subversive way of showing you that you aren't paying him enough attention. Finally, he might not be flirting at all and maybe you are just being paranoid. The thing is he could just be a friendly guy and just because you are dating him, although he needs to be respectful of your feelings and needs, doesn't mean he has to stop being friendly.
7. He won't stop for directions.
MYSTERY SOLVED: You've been lost for an hour but your man swears he knows where he is going. Despite your bubbling aggravation, he refuses to stop for directions. This one universally applies to men because universally, men don't like to be one-upped by other men, especially around their lady. If he pulls over to ask someone else for directions, you might see the other guy as smarter. Caveman like indeed, but you can’t really blame him for wanting to impress you—his heart is in the right place, even if his ego isn't.
8. He doesn't know what to do/say when you are upset.
MYSTERY SOLVED: There they are—your guts all over the floor. As you reach for a tissue to wipe away your runny mascara and some words of comfort or advice from your man, you receive a blank stare in return. Did he hear a word of what you just said? It isn't that he wasn't listening, doesn't have anything to say or doesn't care, he is likely afraid of saying the wrong thing and you, as a result, getting upset with him. Most guys aren't as confident in expressing feelings or offering advice as women are but rather solve problems logically. The last thing he wants to do when you are vulnerable is disappoint you by offering the wrong words.
9. He acts as if he likes you so so much, but he never actually asks you out.
MYSTERY SOLVED: All signals point to him liking you—he pays you compliments, makes an effort to be where you are, all your friends swear he is into you but he seems to be stuck at a yellow light when it comes to making his move. If you've ruled out him being married or otherwise committed to someone else, chances are this guy is just a wuss. He simply can't get up the nerve to ask you out. He might be inexperienced with women, shy, intimidated by you, or misinformed as to your single status.
10. He falls asleep after sex.
MYSTERY SOLVED: So you want to snuggle, talk, go for round two—do anything but pass out, but your guy always falls asleep! Well simply, when man was made, he was made flawed in this respect. Due to a variety of biochemical and evolutionary reasons—both direct and indirect—a guy actually can't control his level of sleepiness post-sex, so it is nothing to take personally. Just be happy he doesn't fall asleep during sex—in a recent study 48 percent of men admitted that they had at least once before!