... featuring an interview with YourTango Expert Joe Amoia.
Welcome to YourTango Experts' Online Dating Bootcamp: Day 2! Today is all about getting to the bottom of the burning question: is online dating really worth all the hard work and headaches it can cause? Our editorial team sat down with YourTango Expert Joe Amoia to find out. (Wanna brush up on Bootcamp Day 1 ? Start here.)
With thousands of single guys and sites to choose from, the thought of online dating can be pretty daunting. However, if you've reached the conclusion that online dating is more stressful than it's worth, think again. In the interview below, YourTango Expert Joe Amoia discusses the many perils of online dating. As it turns out, it isn't so scary after all ... and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
YourTango: Hi, Joe. Let's dive right in. What's the most common complaint women have about online dating?
Joe: Women are discouraged. A lot of them have tried it, had bad experiences, and adopted a been-there, done-that attitude. They're convinced that if it didn't work the first time, it never will.
YourTango: Interesting. Do men feel the same way?
Joe: Well, first you have to differentiate between the men and the boys. The boys are the ones who are out there just looking to prey on women, and they aren't frustrated or discouraged at all because they're taking advantage of women who are vulnerable. The men, on the other hand, are just as frustrated as the women. They ask, "Why can't I meet a good woman? I know they're out there."
The trick for both men and women is to understand how to play this game. Unfortunately, a lot of people waste their time looking for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. Then, as soon as someone better comes along, they lose interest. Then what happens is that they miss out on great opportunities that are right in front of them.
YourTango: Wow, that's interesting. So, here's an important question: how can women distinguish the men from the boys?
Joe: The biggest thing is for women to get clear on what exactly they are looking for. You know, what's the type of guy they want? Once you're clear on that, it makes it easy to identify if the guy you're talking with is even that type of guy. Very often in this online dating world, they're looking for someone just because he's a guy. Okay, well he's a guy, but whether you are really good for each other is a whole other question.
YourTango: So, your advice is for women go into online dating with a clear understanding of what they want?
Joe: Yes. I call it starting with the end in mind. What end results are you trying to get? Are you trying to find a guy who will willfully walk you down the aisle? Are you just here to have some fun and need the guy to bring you to a concert because you have nobody else? Are you here to just date a lot? Really, what's your purpose? What are you here for?
YourTango: Okay, so for those of us who have tried online dating and can't help but feel a little bit like it's a last resort, like, "I'm not meeting guys any other way, so I'm just gonna try online dating." How do we get over that?
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