A Mom's Son Told Her He's 'Scared' Of Her So She Taught Him A Valuable Lesson
They both learned something that day.
TikTok A mother has received praise after sharing a candid conversation she had with her 11-year-old son.
In a video, TikTok user Samantha, who is a mother of three and often shares information on her platform about intentional parenting and socio-emotional health, revealed an honest open dialogue she recently had with her son after he told her something that he had been hesitant to bring up.
He told his mother that he is sometimes 'scared of her' when she becomes angry.
In Samantha's video, which was a clip she had reposted from a TikTok live she'd done, her son, Nathan, admitted that there was something that he needed to get off of his chest. "Can I tell you something that you might actually find quite surprising?" he asked his mother.
When she told him to go ahead, Nathan revealed he has moments where he fears both her and his dad. Immediately, Samantha asked why he felt that way and which parts of both of them he found to be scary and caused him to be fearful of them.
"I would have to say when you're upset," he responded. "Like when you're really, really mad." He continued, saying that when his dad gets mad at him, it's a "fight situation," but when she gets mad at him, it's a "flight situation."
"I'm fighting Dad, like sometimes when [we] get into an argument [and] he's upset at me, I try to defend myself — being defensive," Nathan continued, admitting that it's a trait he's trying to work on. "But if it's you, I get kind of sad and a little scared."
When Samantha expressed concern over his admission, Nathan pointed out that it may seem a bit shocking for her to hear it. "What part of me is scary?" Samantha asked her son. He acknowledged that his fear of her comes when she is fighting to not be like his grandmother, her mother.
"When my childhood resurfaces," she clarified. Samantha then proceeded to directly apologize to her son for him having those feelings directed toward her. "I'm sorry you're experiencing that."
She told her son to make sure that if it happens in the future, he makes sure she's aware of it.
Samantha made sure to tell Nathan that if he feels even an inkling of fear or sadness in the future, to not be afraid of pointing it out for her to notice as well. "When it's happening, please call it out," she informed him.
"That allows me to understand what behaviors I'm not doing a job mitigating," she added. "I'm literally shocked. Thank you for sharing that."
Continuing their open conversation, Nathan further admitted that he was scared of telling his mother about how he felt when she was angry with him, and when she asked what the "worst case scenario" would've been, he explained that it would have been her walking away and not hearing him out.
"I'll tell you why there are times that I'm upset and I walk away," Samantha said after hearing how upset it made Nathan when she left during arguments. "I could tell in my own body, I don't have the capacity to handle the situation well."
"I might say something or exhibit some behaviors that I would not want to happen, and I would not be proud of. So I literally have to make the call to flight, go get myself together, go get my mind right, and then come and address you in the way that you deserve with boundaries and respect."
In the end, Samantha reiterated that she was glad Nathan told her. In the caption of her post, she explained that in their household, "fear does not equate respect," and that "it's a dynamic we worked not to be in our parent-child relationship but it [crept] in nonetheless."
Samantha was praised for validating her son's feelings and having such an honest conversation.
"The tons of money I could have saved in therapy if I had this kind of communication with my caregivers growing up! You’re doing a fantastic job, Mom and Dad!" one TikTok user wrote. "He feels safe and is able to communicate his feelings so succinctly! Yes, emotional intelligence."
Another user added, "He is an incredibly emotionally intelligent kid, and it really shows what good parents you two are that he felt comfortable to not only express that to you but do it well."
Open communication between parents and children is essential for the healthy development of a child. It also allows trust to form, as children feel more comfortable talking to their parents about anything, including their problems, fears, and concerns.
It's also imperative that parents continually validate the emotions that their children feel. "When you validate a child’s experience, you are letting them know they have a safe space to talk and process what they experienced,” Laura Fonseca, a licensed clinical social worker, told PsychCentral.
By doing so, parents can help create a stronger bond between them and their child, which can also help that child feel more connected to their parents, like Samantha and Nathan, who seem to have a healthy parent-child bond.
Parents need to remember that validating a child's emotions does not mean they have to agree with their child's behavior or decisions. It simply means acknowledging and accepting their child's feelings and providing support and guidance to help them healthily navigate their emotions.
From encouraging open dialogue and listening to a child's opinions or thoughts without immediately trying to dismiss them, parents can help their children develop essential life skills and create strong family relationships.
Nia Tipton is a Brooklyn-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.