Lawyer Says Moms Who Won't Let Their Kids See Their Fathers Need To 'Do Better'
Is it the mom's job to do better or the dad's? This lawyer has a controversial answer.
TikTok A Floridian lawyer posted a TikTok telling mothers who don’t want to let their children see their fathers that they need to “do better.”
In her TikTok, Shamika T. Askew calls out mothers who don’t want their children to have regular contact with their fathers solely on the basis that they believe they are better parents. “This video is for the mothers who believe that they are better-fit parents to raise their child or children and don’t allow the fathers to be actively involved. I have a problem with that,” Askew said. Askew stated that excluding fathers can hurt kids, because “ultimately, they need the dad as much as they need you.”
This lawyer believes that children need to have relationships with both of their parents, as long as it’s safe for them to do so.
Askew emphasized that her advice only applies in certain circumstances. “I’m only talking about situations where there is no safety concern, no drug issue, just that the mom thinks she’s the better parent,” Askew explained. “I truly believe that the children, or child, should be involved with both parents.”
At the end of her video, she responded to commenters who had accused her of favoring mothers in her other videos, claiming that she is “an equal opportunity lawyer.” “I represent both mothers and fathers, and I tell it like it is,” Askew states.
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For kids, having a strong relationship with their father when possible can be crucial for healthy development.
If a child is aware of their father but isn’t allowed to see him, they may not understand why. They could come to the conclusion that their father doesn’t want to see them, which could lead to the development of a father wound or related issues.
If the father is able and willing to co-parent their child, this could also reduce the burden on the mother. According to the United States Census Bureau, about 23% of households in the US are single-parent households, and 80% of these single parents are mothers.
Single moms are forced to juggle household and childcare expenses, transportation, their career, their child’s well-being, and their own health. Support systems are crucial, and although co-parenting certainly introduces its own complications (think custody and visitation problems, lifestyle conflicts, and so on), having at least one other person to look out for your child could be beneficial.
Comments on Askew’s TikTok had questions about their individual circumstances, serving as a reminder that peoples’ interpersonal lives are often far too complicated for one TikTok to fully address.
However, Askew made sure to point out that her video only applied in certain situations, and that if the child’s safety could be endangered through contact with their father, her advice would not apply. If the main issue is that the mother simply thinks she’s the better parent, Askew would advise them to either let the children be involved with their father or “go to a different lawyer.”
Jessica Bracken is a writer living in Davis, California. She covers entertainment and news for YourTango.