6 Telltale Signs It's Not Over Between You And Your Ex
Does your love deserve a second chance?
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock Breakups can come in all shapes and sizes and happen for many different reasons. They're often messy, heartbreaking affairs that leave us bedridden with a tub of ice cream or joyous occasions that send us out celebrating.
Occasionally, a couple will call it quits, only to realize they’ve made a huge mistake. But what’s next? They broke up for a reason, so why should they give their relationship another shot? Sometimes two people must fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.
If you’re debating whether or not you should give your relationship another try, here are six reasons to first consider before getting back together.
6 Signs You Should Forgive Your Ex and Get Back Together
1. You’ve had time apart.
The first couple of days after a breakup are uncomfortable. On top of returning belongings and cutting off ties with your ex, you’re also faced with answering unwanted questions from your friends and family members. During this time and in the weeks to follow, it’s normal to wonder whether or not breaking up was the right move.
If you decide that you’d like to rebuild a relationship with your ex, first give them time and space. Avoid communicating with your ex for about a month before reconnecting with them. Doing this will give them time to miss you and the opportunity to let go of any negative feelings they may have toward you.
If, after some time apart, you still find your life empty without your ex, let them know you’re thinking about them. Now that emotions have settled, it's possible you can work on starting a new relationship together.
2. Change is possible.
Regardless of who broke up with who, there was a reason why your relationship ended. Now is the time to think about those reasons as well as the changes needed to make a new relationship work.
Ask yourself whether or not the necessary changes are possible and, more importantly, if they're reasonable. For example, let’s say you broke up because you wanted your ex to spend less time at the bar and more time with you. Asking them to make this change is a reasonable request.
However, asking them to move back to your city is unreasonable if you broke up because your ex was leaving to pursue their career. Consider why your love didn’t last, and if it’s only a matter of making some changes, you may want to pursue round two and start the relationship fresh.
3. Your friends and family approve.
Your loved ones only want what’s best for you, so if your relationship was unhealthy, they definitely noticed while you were together. If you ask them whether they think you should get back with your ex, they will certainly want to share their opinions.
If they say your relationship is best left in the past, you should consider taking their advice. On the other hand, if they seem enthusiastic and supportive about you trying to revive your relationship, then that’s a good indicator that restarting is a great idea.
4. You want the same things.
As you mature, you and your interests and priorities change. This means that what was important to you before may not be what you want now.
Not all hope is lost if you and your ex broke up because you wanted different things. After a breakup, seeing the bigger picture and considering your wants and needs is easy.
For instance, the ex-boyfriend, terrified of marriage, may now realize that he wants to settle down with someone, or the ex-girlfriend who was focused on her Master's degree may have tackled that goal and be looking to move on to other things.
If you and your ex broke up because you thought you wanted different things, but now you want the same things, then considering a reunion is a good idea.
5. You felt loved when you were together.
Often times it’s easy to look back on your relationship and only see the good. By doing this, the reasons you broke up become ignored.
If you’re considering getting back together with your ex, be honest with yourself and look at the entire picture. Were you genuinely happy in your relationship? Did your ex make you feel appreciated and loved? Do you regret breaking up? Do you still love them? If you answered “yes” to those questions, it's worth another shot.
Before you start repairing your relationship, have a conversation with your ex about the problems that caused you to break up. This type of chat will allow you to address issues upfront, and it can tell you a lot about if another relationship together could work.
6. You’re ready to forgive.
Breakups tend to bring out the worst in us and are usually packed with cruel words, hurt feelings, and regret.
If you’re considering getting back together with your ex, it’s crucial that you first forgive each other for the things you said or did in the past. Bottling up past arguments or feelings of resentment will not make for a successful second shot at your relationship. Instead, you both must start with a clean slate.
Forgiving someone you love is tough, and it takes time. But, despite how hard it is, if you want to rebuild your relationship and start a new chapter with your ex, you first need to let go of the past.
Brad Browning is a relationship coach and expert from Vancouver, Canada with over 10 years of experience working with couples to repair and improve relationships.