7 Honest Reasons You're Terrified Of Commitment (And How To Get Over It Fast)
Why you've never been in a long-term relationship.
bbernard | Shutterstock When you find someone you care about, do you take the opportunity to commit to them?
If you're not in a relationship and you want one, you can commit yourself to understanding why you are not in one.
Here are some things that keep people from committing to a relationship. Which, if any, apply to you?
Here are 7 honest reasons you're terrified of commitment — and how to get over it fast:
1. I am afraid I may choose the wrong person
What if I don’t love this person?
What if there is someone better around the corner? What if I am being used or manipulated for intimacy, money, citizenship, etc?
What if I find out later that my partner has some big secret they are hiding?
2. I am afraid of giving up my freedom
What if l have to give up something important, like nights out with my girlfriends or golf with my buddies?
The relationship will become stifling and not fulfilling.
3. This person could decide to leave me
What if I give myself to the one I love, and they abandon me? I would be devastated.
I would feel vulnerable. Maybe I’d better not risk it.
4. This relationship might get boring
What if I get bored with this relationship, with nothing new or exciting happening?
I may want more variety in my relationships than one relationship can provide.
5. I may lose my identity and sense of self in the relationship
I may always try to please my partner, keep compromising, ignore my own needs, and never be really happy.
I am afraid that I will become the person my partner wants me to be, with no room to be my real self.
6. This will take too much work
I am too busy to spend hours working things out in this relationship.
We are too busy and exhausted to deal with everything.
I feel like I might be better off just being alone and not being responsible for so much.
7. I might get stuck
What if the relationship doesn’t work out? What if we buy a house and/or have kids together, I might feel trapped, guilty, and miserable.
If any of these fears resonate with you, the next question you have to ask is whether your partner knows you feel this way.
By communicating together, you may clarify where the obstacles are.
People get scared of giving their word to someone or something, no matter what it is.
But, even with all these fears, people still want to be in a relationship. Don’t let these fears prevent you and your partner from forming a lasting commitment.
The only way to get through your commitment problems is with open and honest communication with your partner.
Drs. Peter Sheras and Phyllis Koch-Sheras are clinical psychologists and founders of Couples Coaching Couples, a national non-profit organization committed to the creation and maintenance of profoundly fulfilling relationships.