5 Deep, Emotional Needs Your Partner Must Meet In Order For A Relationship To Last
A lasting relationship is about more than just the basics.
Monkeybusiness Images / Shutterstock If you want to have a successful relationship, it is important that your needs are met, and that the things that make you feel healthy and whole are present so you can be the best partner possible.
Of course, no one person can meet every person’s needs — that is what your friends are for. But an ideal partner will be able to meet most, if not all, of the things that are important to you.
It is key that you identify your most important needs in a relationship so you can share them with your partner. Knowing them is the only way your partner will understand how important they are to you, and how they must work hard to meet them.
Here are 5 emotional needs that must be met for a relationship to last.
1. To be heard
The cornerstone of every healthy relationship is communication. The ability to have an open and honest conversation about all things, whether good or bad, can keep a relationship on an even keel and moving forward. A key part of communication is knowing that your partner feels heard.
For many of us, we believe that we are excellent communicators because we are able to express our wants and needs, and emotions, and therefore, all will be well. What many of us don’t understand is that being able to speak your truth is not enough. Being able to hear what the other person is saying is what is most important.
When your partner is sharing, do you truly listen or are you thinking ahead to what you are going to say next? If your partner asks you to repeat what they just said, can you do so? Do you work hard, in the moment, to make sure that your person is feeling heard? And, most importantly, do you just listen without trying to fix it?
When you have a relationship you feel is healthy, you can talk about anything with your partner. But sometimes, when the same issues arise again and again, it turns out your partner may not be truly hearing you. So, make sure that your person feels heard in your relationship.
2. To be seen
Many people often feel invisible to their partners. The words of affirmation and physical affection that were a wonderful part of their relationship at the beginning, have now faded away. As a result, they feel unloved and unhappy.
But rather than thinking to yourself, “We have been together so long, they must know that I love them,” if you want to have a successful relationship, it’s important that both people feel not only heard but seen.
That means being celebrated for successes, being complimented on appearances, being touched with affection, and being told you are loved. And doing the same for your partner.
So many people, as time goes on, start to take their partner for granted. The energy that they put into the relationship in the beginning is energy that has been directed elsewhere. It is the absence of energy that can make it so that someone doesn’t feel seen.
Have you made your partner feel seen today? Have you made them feel like you are important to them and that you are glad they are in your life? Have you checked with yourself that you aren’t taking them for granted? For a relationship to last, both people in the partnership must make their partner feel seen.
3. To be respected
In toxic relationships, partners don't feel respected. They feel like their person looks down on them and judges them for everything they do. They feel like their person is embarrassed by their presence and never wants to be with them.
And the effect of this lack of respect? Not only does the relationship erode, but so does your self-esteem, which only makes things worse.
When you're at the bottom of your partner's priority list — they see their friends, disappear without contacting you, or don't keep their word — it's a clear sign they don't respect you. Your partner doesn't think you're important enough to make you number one on their priority list.
So, it's essential to ask yourself: Do you make your partner feel respected? Do you recognize who they are and what they have accomplished and do you make them a priority regularly? If you can’t make your partner feel respected, with your words and deeds, your relationship will never be a successful one.
4. To be touched
Touch is one of the most important things in the world for someone’s emotional health. And when the touch isn’t there, things can spiral downwards quickly.
Often, couples break up or separate due to a lack of physical touch and affection. While emotional intimacy is important in relationships, affection can easily make or break the connection between partners.
When there's an absence of touch, it deeply affects your self-esteem and the bond you have with your partner. You may get massages, ask loved ones for a back rub, or seek out affection in some not so great ways. But none of those can make up for physical touch in a relationship.
That doesn't necessarily mean it has to be sex. In fact, they say that a 10-second hug can have a huge effect on a relationship, even one that is struggling.
Have you hugged your person today? If not, do so if you want to have a lasting relationship.
5. To be satisfied
"Satisfied" can mean a lot of things but, in this instance, it means that someone is truly happy with their life and who they are in it. They feel loved and supported, self-confident and hopeful, settled and all the other things someone needs to feel truly content.
When people go through divorce, they may flounder around in short-term relationship after short-term relationship. With each relationship that flounders and dies, a little piece of them goes with it. The things they want more than anything, to feel settled and loved, feels out of reach.
But a big part of feeling confident and happy in your skin is because of your relationship. Not because of you and your partner as individuals, but the bond you have together. The two of you in the world makes it a better place, both in the big picture and small.
So, is your need to feel satisfied with your place in the world being met? Do you feel at peace? Do you know what tomorrow will bring? If you do, you're in a happy and healthy relationship that can stay the course.
Many people don’t understand that just being happy in a relationship isn’t enough. To be in a successful relationship, it’s important that everyone’s needs are being met, or at least most of them.
One person can’t be all things to another person, but one person should make every effort to take care of the needs of the person they love. Only by doing so can their relationship be the happy and healthy one they desire.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.