3 Tiny Conversation Tricks The Most Charming People Use To Get People To Like Them
The easiest and most subtle way to get other people interested in you.
lifestock | Canva While we imagine the process of getting a guy to like you to be magical, mystical, and mostly out of our control, the fact is that there is a formula for triggering romantic feelings in another person. Some people are naturally seductive and can’t help but spread a little "amore" wherever they go. Everyone seems attracted and easily falls in love with them. But knowing how to be more attractive isn't about looks. We say those folks have some charisma or "it" factor — an instant appeal that transcends physical appearance, talents, wealth, and all other qualities you may think you need to find a quality mate. Charm can be learned — you don’t need to be born with it and you certainly don’t need to be extraordinarily blessed with beauty or wealth to create attraction in others.
We can’t cover every nuance of creating instant attraction in this article, but the formula itself is simple: Bypass your date’s rational mindset and trigger his romantic instinct. When you bypass his rational brain, you seek to impress others with your accomplishments, physical appearance, and smarts. This will trigger your date’s rational mindset and encourage him to assess and evaluate you, logically, and throw ice-cold water on more tender and protective feelings.
"Is she a 10 or a 2?" When we activate a man’s rational brain, we unwittingly get in the way of his mating/bonding impulse. And to trigger his impulsive or instinctive mindset, and create a mood that allows his instincts to take over. In an impulsive state, we don’t rationally evaluate someone’s amazing qualities and qualifications. (That comes later when we’re considering a committed relationship.) Both men and women delight in an attraction that "doesn’t make sense" or that we can’t quite explain that instinctive pull toward someone we barely know. So, what makes someone attractive and not just on a physical level (like being a man's "type," for example)? How can you trigger romantic instincts in a real-world situation, like when you're on a date?
Here are 3 conversation tricks the most charming people use to get people to like them:
1. Practice the art of gentle conversation
Constant chatter and noisy activity are ways to avoid the potential awkwardness of silence. But all that buzz suppresses our instincts. The next time you have a conversation with someone — a friend, a coworker, anyone — try to observe the natural ebb and flow of your words. Do you frequently interrupt, fill space, or work doggedly to "get your point across"? Instead, practice engaging with people more gently — floating on the surface of the conversation is one way to visualize it — and let go of the need to direct everyone toward your opinions and views.
2. Spread peace
When you settle into a friend’s sofa for a long chat and a cup of tea, you are naturally welcoming, open, and languorous. Your friend knows she can talk about anything with you, without judgment and that she has your full attention. That’s the peaceful feeling you want to bring with you on dates. Put away your phone, remove your watch, and move slowly, as if you have all the time in the world (everyone knows you don’t). If you're meeting them for the first time, then agree ahead of time to keep it appropriately brief but that doesn’t mean you should act rushed, distracted, or like this date is yet another “task” in a long day of multitasking.
3. Let your eyes do the talking
More than 20 years ago, social psychology researcher Arthur Aron demonstrated that sustained eye contact can produce feelings of love between total strangers. (Some of Dr. Aron’s study participants went on to marry their randomly selected gazing partner.) That’s how powerful eye contact can be in creating a feeling of intense emotional connection.
If you’re practicing "gentle" conversation and bringing a peaceful quality to your interactions with men, your eyes will naturally begin to speak for you. Be careful: aggressively seeking out a stranger’s eyes can be interpreted as an invitation — a signal you may not have intended. But, in conversation, returning a man’s gaze and holding sustained eye contact are wonderful ways to show respect, and interest, and build rapport and connection. These tips have shown you how to be more attractive and appealing. And, soon, he'll start falling in love with you.
Robyn Wahlgast is a highly experienced Certified Dating and Relationship Coach with a career spanning several decades, she has dedicated her life to helping women navigate the complex world of dating and relationships.