10 Most Relatable Truths About Being Single Nobody Talks About

Being single comes with its own unique challenges that aren't talked about enough.

Woman talks about the relatable truths of being single. andresr | Canva
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I've watched my friends pair off for as long as I can remember. Temporarily and fleetingly in high school, longer and more lasting in college, and now, permanently. Throughout it all, I've remained single. Too shy, too insecure, too ... whatever. I got used to my role as the "Single One" — I was even okay with it.

As an introvert, I not only like my alone time, I need it. But, somewhere along the line, I stopped just being single and started being lonely. Most days I'm both. There. I said, "I'm lonely." And try as my paired-up friends might, they don’t seem to fully understand what it's like to watch everyone around you fall in love. They don't understand that I'm lonely and what it means to be so. 

Here are the 10 most relatable truths about being single that nobody talks about:

1. You are nobody's first priority

man looking down cottonbro studio / Pexels

Between boyfriends and girlfriends and spouses and kids and church, there's always someone before you on the priority list. I don't have that one person I come home to at the end of the day, with whom I share all the mundane details of my life. So I parse them out between friends and family, sometimes oversharing because I just need someone to validate my existence.

I'm not saying it's wrong that I'm not the top priority (of course family should come first). But for the perpetually alone sometimes it'd be nice to be first. Just once. Just for a day.

RELATED: I'm 40 And I've Never Had A Boyfriend — 'Nobody Ever Noticed Me'

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2. Physical touch is a thing for other people

woman lonely and isolated cottonbro studio / Pexels

When you're not part of a couple and you're living alone, physical touch goes out the window. And not just hot, intimate touches. I'm talking mundane, every day, almost-no thought-put-into-them touches.

Last week, I realized it had been months since I’d been touched by another person. For as much as I value and need alone time, nothing is more isolating than realizing no one has touched you in over a month. Nothing. Humans need affection, with one study from 2020 that shows physical contact reduces feelings of loneliness and depression.

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3. Jealousy is green and ugly and real

woman jealous Liza Summer / Pexels

I don't want to be a jealous person. I don't like being a jealous person. But when the loneliness is overwhelming and all-consuming, I can't help it. I can't help but be jealous of the fact that other people have someone to come home to — that they have the occasional unthinking brush of their hands and take so much for granted.

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4. There's physical pain associated with being lonely

woman in pain and lonely MART PRODUCTION / Pexels

It's not something you know until you've experienced it, and it's hard to describe. But it hurts to be lonely. It's an ache in your chest, a heaviness that you can't shake, a longing that only the touch of another person can soothe. Loneliness harms, one study confirmed.

RELATED: 6 Essential Things You Should Always Ask For In A Relationship (If You Don't Want A Divorce)

5. Being the third wheel stinks

woman third wheeling MDV Edwards / Shutterstock

No matter how much I like my friends' significant other (and really, they're great!), I don’t want to be the third or fifth wheel. Although some may argue there are benefits to being a third-wheel, a little part of me dies every time I have to plaster a smile on my face and joke to the waiter that the bill is going to be split, "Two, two, and me. Just me."

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6. Friendship isn't always enough

woman upset because friendship isn't enough RDNE Stock project / Pexels

This one is hard. I have an outstandingly good group of friends and family, but as much as I want them to be (and as much they wish they could be), they aren't enough. I've tried really hard to make them enough, but it's like forcing a puzzle piece into a spot where it doesn't belong. You can push and push and push, but it's never going to quite sit right.

7. It can feel like everyone else is part of a couple

lonely woman noticing couples Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock

Or maybe it just seems that way when you're not. But from my point of view, everywhere I look, I see couples. Even events are geared toward couples. Have you ever tried cooking for one? It's not pretty.

RELATED: The Honest Reason You're Still Single, According To Your Personality Type

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8. The grass isn't always greener

man lonely because he wants a relationship Andrew Neel / Pexels

Stop telling me how you'd love to have some peace and quiet, or a night where no one touches you. Because that's not what I'm talking about. There is a profound, bone-deep difference between "alone time" and being lonely. Comparing the two or romanticizing something I consider painful undermines my feelings and makes me hate you a tiny bit.

9. Being single isn't always a "lifestyle choice"

woman upset because lonely isn't a lifestyle Engin Akyurt / Pexels

Plenty of folks choose to be single. Nobody chooses to be lonely. That's part of the problem. I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. But it's not something I can fix on my own.

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10. Not everybody gets it

woman upset because no one gets it Austin Guevara / Pexels

It’s kind of like the "Dead Dad's Club." (Please lower your pitchforks and allow me to explain.) Until you lose your dad, you don’t know what it's like. You can sympathize and you can think, "Oh, that's horrible," but you can't empathize.

And it's true for loneliness, too. Unless you've experienced it — unless you know what true, deep, painful loneliness is like — you don't get it. And, well, that just makes things all the more lonely, doesn't it?

RELATED: I Decided To Talk To People Who Have Been Single For 10 Years. Here's What Life Is Like For Them.

Shireen Dadkhah is a freelance writer, photographer, and blogger who writes about depression and her relationship with it.