Mom Wants To Stop Yelling At Her Kids 'Constantly' But Doesn't Know How— 'I'm Running Out Of Patience'
Parental burnout is very real, but it can also be navigated with community support systems.
Keira Burton / Pexels A stay-at-home mom with a 3-year-old and an 18-month-old wrote to the r/parenting subreddit asking for advice on how to find balance while feeling burnt-out on parenting.
She explained that has no outside support, as neither she nor her fiance have family around, and her fiance works 14-hour days and sleeps when he’s home. “I’m alone with them practically all day, every day," she wrote.
The mom said she yells at her toddler ‘constantly’ but doesn’t know how to stop herself.
She described her 3-year-old son as being “so hard” to handle, especially since she has no time to herself. She shared that she’s “extremely overwhelmed and stressed, [and] running out of patience.”
The mom also acknowledged that she, herself, was raised in a toxic environment, and doesn’t want to replicate that for her own kids. Despite her hopes to break the cycle, she still finds herself “literally constantly yelling.”
She’s so burnt out that she “hardly ever” plays with her son, leading to him playing on his own. She also mentioned that she hasn’t sent him to daycare, because she’s concerned that he “may have some behavioral issues and I don't feel it's fair to put that on someone else.”
“I feel like the worst mom ever at the end of the day,” she said. “I am so guilty for this and I have tried everything I can to fix my negative mindset and constant yelling.”
Photo: Sarah Chai / Pexels
She noted that she’s looking for a therapist, in order to gain an outside opinion, but has yet to find one.
“I feel like I'm stretching and stretching all that I have and there's nothing left to give,” the mom said. “Is it too late to change my behavior and help get him on a better track? I don't want this for my children or myself.”
According to a licensed clinical therapist, who spoke under the agreement of anonymity, it’s not too late for her or her kids. “She’s not getting nurtured, herself,” the therapist noted. “If she can take care of herself a little better she’ll have more fuel to give her children.”
The therapist suggested reaching out for community support, such as parent support groups in her town. They also suggested that the mom structure her week with activities outside the home, so she doesn’t feel so alone. Many libraries have free, accessible story times, which would provide a good outlet for her kids and let the mom meet other parents, so she’d feel more connected.
As far as not yelling goes, the act of recognizing that she wants to behave differently is the first actionable step toward change.
The therapist advised the mom to take small, manageable steps to calm down, like counting in her head and taking deep breaths before responding to her kids. Practicing mindfulness techniques is one way for the mom to center herself, so she feels more able to care for her kids.
The other parents who commented on her post recognized how real parental burnout is, and how scary it feels to be at your wit’s end.
As one person wrote, “The way you're feeling can happen to anyone who is drained beyond their resources for months and years on end.”
They all recommended she put her son in daycare, despite her worries about his behavioral issues, as it would lessen her stress and provide other adults as support people for her son. Another mom suggested, “Let daycare decide if his behaviors are too much. They are qualified to handle toddlers. You need a break.”
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Another parent offered emotional support, saying, “It's not too late to make a positive change and even if you can't reverse what's already happened, you can definitely change trajectory and things will be significantly better than if you don't… I want to reassure you that it's not a lost cause.”
The other parents gave the mom the grace she seemed to struggle to give herself. By recognizing and naming what she felt as burn-out, they provided her with language to use to understand her incredibly difficult situation.
Hopefully, she’ll be able to offer herself that same grace and realize that she’s doing all she can with the tools she has available.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.