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Affairs happen every day, but there are ways to protect yourself.
By Natasha Ngonyama and Sherri Nickols and Chidi Asika-enahoro and Cindy Holbrook
Last updated on Oct 25, 2023
It seems impossible to be in a relationship without worrying about infidelity. Everywhere we turn, a politician, celebrity, or friend is having an affair.
So, what can you do to ensure your lover won't cheat on you?
Our experts have some practical tips about what you can do to infidelity-proof your relationship.
Here are 21 ways prevent cheating in your relationship, according to YourTango experts:
1. Become their mistress.
Let's face it, routine will take the thrill out of any relationship. It can make you feel like something is missing. So, add a twist! Rev up your love life by bringing mystery, intrigue, and romantic adventure into your relationship as "the other woman." Why not let them cheat with you?
— Sherri Nickols, Relationship Coach
2. Tell them they are your hero.
People need to feel appreciated. They get a hormonal rush if they think they've saved the day. So, give them the glory and gush all over what they do for you. Remember how you stroked their ego when you were dating? Do it again, again, and again, and watch them puff up like a peacock looking for more ways to please you and only you.
— Sherri Nickols, Relationship Coach
3. Embrace your essence.
Most accomplished people are competent, capable, and independent, which brings dominant energy into their relationships. When their partner is in their space, they might not feel needed and will go where they are needed instead. It could be best to flip to less dominant energy when you're together, making them feel like an equal lover before someone else digs their way in.
— Sherri Nickols, Relationship Coach
4. Receive with happiness.
Anytime your partner gives to you, whether it's an action or physical gift, receive it with joyfulness. Your lover is not likely to look for another person if they know they can win with you.
— Sherri Nickols, Relationship Coach
5. Reclaim your playful spirit.
If you've lost your fun side, it's time to get it back. Laughing and playing are the key elements to emotional intimacy, helping you build that safe and solid relationship you crave. Make the time to be playmates so they won't be tempted to play in someone else's sandbox. Then, put it on your planner!
— Sherri Nickols, Relationship Coach
6. Choose your partner wisely.
Be honest with yourself about what you're looking for in a partner. Do not make excuses for issues such as wandering eyes, flirting with co-workers, friends, and so on during courtship. Once you overlook potential problems and settle because of other attributes, you can't complain when the potential problem becomes a big issue.
— Chidi Asika-Enahoro, MA
7. Focus on maturity.
Is your partner ready to settle down and be in a monogamous relationship? Age does not always signify maturity. Have they had enough relationships to be sure they want to be in a committed relationship? Be mindful that some people are greedy, always want to eat their cake, and eat other people's cake as well.
— Chidi Asika-Enahoro, MA
8. Open, honest communication helps establish the tone of your relationship.
Discuss infidelity to know how you want to handle such things. Establish under what circumstance(s) it is acceptable or pardonable, and review all the possible scenarios.
— Chidi Asika-Enahoro, MA
9. Sharpen your listening skills; learn to hear your partner out completely.
People love new relationships because everyone is into each other, listening intently and gazing into each other's eyes. Be attentive.
— Chidi Asika-Enahoro, MA
10. Be mindful that everyone loves variety and freshness.
Each partner should endeavor to spice things up by doing the following: (1) whatever pleases the other person in and out of bed, (2) take time out for each other to go on dates, (3) take short and long vacations alone, (4) show each other appreciation, (5) give each other massages, (6) cook for each other, (7) notice little things, (8) be considerate, (9) be thoughtful, (10) be kind, (11) be understanding and (12) compliment each other.
— Chidi Asika-Enahoro, MA
11. Discuss your fantasies.
Your partner may have fantasies they are scared to tell you in case you freak out. Unfulfilled fantasies can fuel a desire to act them out, and if you're not willing to listen, they might do that with someone else. Encourage them to talk, be open-minded, and non-judgmental. If some don't disgust you, be willing to consider trying them. They'll thank you for being such an understanding lover.
— Miss Natasha Ngonyama, Dating Coach
12. Break the routine.
Boredom can make cheating exciting, but most people tend to settle into routines eventually. Spice your relationship up and bring back the excitement. Skip the cozy Friday night with yet another Friends episode and go out dancing or to a theme park instead. Remind your partner there's a reason they fell for you.
— Miss Natasha Ngonyama, Dating Coach
13. Show your appreciation.
It's not uncommon for people to feel under-appreciated. They pay for dinners out, help with the chores, give you regular foot massages, put up with your many moods, and they hardly get a thank you. Cut down on the nagging and try showing your partner you appreciate them; maybe even throw in a little unexpected gift, too. If they know they have a lover who cares for them, it gives them one less reason to stray.
— Miss Natasha Ngonyama, Dating Coach
14. Solve the little problems.
Pay attention to moods and solve petty arguments quickly. Let them know you're there to talk and are willing to talk through the issues; otherwise, they may decide to escape their problems by running into another attentive person's arms. Don't let little problems turn into big ones.
— Miss Natasha Ngonyama, Dating Coach
15. Be a friend first.
They feel more loyal and are less likely to risk hurting you if they see you as their lover, partner, and friend. A lover can easily be replaced, but good friends are hard to find.
— Miss Natasha Ngonyama, Dating Coach
16. Keep romance alive in your marriage.
The big question is: what is romance to you and your spouse? Discuss what it means to each of you. One person may want a night of dinner and dancing, while to another, romance is cuddling on the couch while eating popcorn and watching a chick flick.
— Cindy Holbrook, CDC, CPC
17. Listen to what your spouse has to say.
You may be thinking about your day, what is on your to-do list, or wish you could have some peace. These thoughts mean you are not listening to your spouse. When your spouse feels unheard, they will feel unhappy, unloved, and disrespected. Set up a few times during the week when the two of you can talk.
— Cindy Holbrook, CDC, CPC
18. Discuss what infidelity is to you with your spouse.
One person may feel being good friends with others is okay, while the other feels it borders infidelity. Emotional affairs begin with sharing intimate feelings, needs, and challenges with a person and often lead to a sexual affair. If your spouse is uncomfortable with your friendship, be willing to end it.
— Cindy Holbrook, CDC, CPC
19. Make daily habits that show your spouse you love them.
Habits include kissing each other regularly, holding hands, hugging, saying, "I love you," and cuddling before you drift off to sleep. Another good habit is to give gifts to your spouse periodically. This could be a note in his lunchbox, a card, or surprising him by washing and waxing his car.
— Cindy Holbrook, CDC, CPC
20. Always be honest with each other and ask for your spouse's advice.
Honesty and trust go hand in hand. If you need to hide things from your spouse, ask yourself why. This is a warning sign that something is amiss in your relationship. Tell him if an old flame contacts you on Facebook. Ask their opinion on how you should respond to the old flame.
— Cindy Holbrook, CDC, CPC
21. Remain friends.
The foundation of a good marriage is friendship. The only way to be friends with someone is to spend time with them. Besides having date nights, there are several things you can do together. Join an activity you both enjoy, such as golfing, fishing, bowling, or hiking. Other ideas include taking long scenic drives, picnics, walking along the beach, or sitting on your porch watching the sunrise or sunset.
— Cindy Holbrook, CDC, CPC
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