Incorporate these five approaches and your relationship will be a dream come true.
When the romantic stage fades away and you're left with the real person you've bonded with, you might find yourself protesting the loss of the connection you experienced in the beginning. This protest is called the Power Struggle and each couple must negotiate it in order to find lasting love. Though the illusion of perfection is a bust, there are five ways to make sure your relationship survivies so it can thrive.
Here they are:
- Commitment: you must make the commitment to stay together and slog through the discomfort. Relationship ambivalence is deadly and will only prolong the pain. So, put away the suitcase by the door, declare that you will remain together, and work things out. To keep this commitment in place, you must learn to communicate with one another in a respectful dialogical way.
- Look at your early years: you must know the origin of the frustrations you experience with your partner. You might think that your loved one is the source of all the pain you experience when things are rough, but it's very likely there are other culprits from long ago. You've heard the phrase, "You're not my mother!" The truth is, s/he probably is your mother. So, you need to let go of the illusion that the past doesn't inform relationships in the present and learn a bit about how yours and your partner's does.
- Turn frustrations into agents for change: all relationships are frustrating because living with an intimate partner who is most likely different than you can be annoying and irritating when you don't agree. However, there is more to frustration than meets the eye. Underneath each frustration you have with your partner is an unmet need. You have most likely chosen a partner who doesn't naturally find it easy to meet your needs and the same is true for you. That means you both will have to stretch into new behavior to meet each other's needs. The misconception that if only your partner changed, you would be happy must fly out the window with your willingness to be each other's agents of change.
- Keep the energy flowing: the life force and passion that brought you together will fade and you, as a couple, will need to intentionally keep your relationship alive. Being grateful for the things that work is one way. Loving, caring behaviors and appreciations are another. Having fun is also a way to stay connected. We often hear that it's important to focus on the positive. Well, it is! No matter now frustrated or angry you are, there's always something positive to acknowledge, even if you have to remember as far back as the romantic stage.
- Create a vision: as a couple, you need to know where you're going and how you plan to get there. Designing a vision together will give you a road map to a future that might not happen if you didn't take the time to share how you want things to look in the years ahead. It's a must for couples who want to take charge of their partnership.
This path will 100% lead to relationship sucess. It can be further explored in a Getting the Love You Want workshop for couples. These workshops are international and if you're willing to do the work, there's nothing standing in your way to create a lasting love affair with your partner.
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