Should I Tell My Children I've Had An Abortion?


Should I Tell My Children I've Had An Abortion?
Many women who have had an abortion wonder if they should share their secret with their children.

Should I tell My Children I’ve had an Abortion?

Many women who have voluntarily terminated a pregnancy wonder if they should share their abortion history with their children. There are a few things to consider before you make this decision. Here are a few suggestions to think about.


1).Is there a reason to share this information with your children?

Being motivated to tell your children about a past abortion because it serves a purpose for their life is one thing. If you feel like you need to tell them because you are feeling guilty or sad, then the motivation is to ease your own internal rumblings and is not really a good reason for putting this on your children.

If you are sharing publicly about your abortion and therefore do not want your children to hear this news from someone besides you, then this is motivation for sharing your secret. If this is the case, you want to be as open and as honest as possible with them.

If you are not speaking publicly, you should only share your secret if you are running into a situation where it would be helpful for your children to know. For instance if your teenage daughter is starting to use risky behavior in her own life, this would be a good teaching moment to let her know the consequences of such actions. While it may seem scary to share such a deep, dark secret, children want vulnerability and realness from their parents. This could actually then serve the purpose a wonderful life lesson and/or teachable moment.

2).Sharing your voluntary pregnancy termination should always be age appropriate.
I would not recommend telling small children, as they may not be able to understand on a cognitive level a procedure like this.

3). Even if you decide not to tell your children it is good to give them the message of the importance of them being able to come to you to and communicate in any life situation where they need advice and help.

Sharing with adult children is probably the best format. This gives them the time to have the maturity level for greater understanding. This can also be a time of connection to help them see that you also struggled with difficulties in your own life. This makes you real and again, that is something all of our loved ones need to see in us.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson


Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.

Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
Other Articles/News by Trudy Johnson:

The Painful And Surprising Secret Many Couples With Children Keep


For couples dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss, the news of an unexpected pregnancy can be thrilling. But when handling an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy, that news can be downright devastating to couples who already have their family established with two, three or more kids if the wife, husband (or both) feel entirely against having ... Read more

Early Age Abortion? Growing Up Doesn't Mean Getting Over It


The tears were flowing for this middle-aged woman with the perfect life. "I never realized how much pain and grief I was feeling over my abortion when I was 14 years old. I guess I just blocked things out and never looked back." I am amazed at women in their late 40's, 50's and even sixties experiencing the need to re-visit a time in their ... Read more

"I Had No Clue I'd Be This Sad," Part 2


Last week I talked with a 20-something woman about the grief she was feeling after her voluntary pregnancy termination. In her quest to find relief for her situation, she never dreamed she would be struck with an overwhelming sadness that she couldn't shake. Only a little less shocking than the news of the pregnancy (she was on birth control pills) was ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular