Our Big Secret ~ When Couples Don't Talk about Their Abortion


Our Big Secret ~ When Couples Don't Talk about Their Abortion
When couples share an abortion together they usually don't ever talk about it. This is unhealthy.

"It's over, it's done and we won't ever talk about this again."  Those were the words of my  boyfriend when we walked out of the state hospital where my abortion happened.  Well, one thing for sure...we never did talk about that.

Even after we got married...not a word.  Never mentioned.  I wanted to talk.  But it seemed to be not important or too awkward.  As time went on it was absolutely too painful to mention it.  I felt so alone in it all.  I was so sad and he was happily going on with his life goals...one of the reasons for choosing abortion.  It simply wasn't the right time to be pregnant.  After all, we had goals for our life!

Now as I work with clients who "never talked" about their abortions I feel so sad that something this impactful has to be swept under the rug.  Just last week one of my clients who is seeing me for grief support after the death of her husband of 28 years just sat there stone-faced on my couch.  "We never talked about it," she said.  "We had an abortion after our first child was born because I got pregnant too soon afterwards.  We never talked about it.  Now he is gone and this is a conversation we will never have.  I will always wonder if he felt as sad as I did afterwards."

Not talking is deadly in relationships.  No matter how hard the subject is, couples simply must talk about their abortion experience together.  Secrets kill and keeping a secret together is even more hurtful.

It is my strong recommendation that you and your partner talk about your past abortion.  This will make you stronger together as a couple.  Talking after abortion is a must!

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson


Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.


Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
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For women who once made the decision to terminate a pregnancy, Mother's Day can be an emotional and difficult day. Particularly, if you never told those closest to you about your abortion. In such cases, you may feel like you have no one to talk to about your sadness because you are afraid of condemnation. Despite the fact that an abortion can weigh ... Read more

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