Our Big Secret ~ When Couples Don't Talk about Their Abortion

By

Our Big Secret ~ When Couples Don't Talk about Their Abortion
When couples share an abortion together they usually don't ever talk about it. This is unhealthy.

"It's over, it's done and we won't ever talk about this again."  Those were the words of my  boyfriend when we walked out of the state hospital where my abortion happened.  Well, one thing for sure...we never did talk about that.

Even after we got married...not a word.  Never mentioned.  I wanted to talk.  But it seemed to be not important or too awkward.  As time went on it was absolutely too painful to mention it.  I felt so alone in it all.  I was so sad and he was happily going on with his life goals...one of the reasons for choosing abortion.  It simply wasn't the right time to be pregnant.  After all, we had goals for our life!

 

Now as I work with clients who "never talked" about their abortions I feel so sad that something this impactful has to be swept under the rug.  Just last week one of my clients who is seeing me for grief support after the death of her husband of 28 years just sat there stone-faced on my couch.  "We never talked about it," she said.  "We had an abortion after our first child was born because I got pregnant too soon afterwards.  We never talked about it.  Now he is gone and this is a conversation we will never have.  I will always wonder if he felt as sad as I did afterwards."

Not talking is deadly in relationships.  No matter how hard the subject is, couples simply must talk about their abortion experience together.  Secrets kill and keeping a secret together is even more hurtful.

It is my strong recommendation that you and your partner talk about your past abortion.  This will make you stronger together as a couple.  Talking after abortion is a must!

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson

Author

Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.

www.missingpieces.org

Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
Other Articles/News by Trudy Johnson:

The Painful And Surprising Secret Many Couples With Children Keep

By

For couples dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss, the news of an unexpected pregnancy can be thrilling. But when handling an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy, that news can be downright devastating to couples who already have their family established with two, three or more kids if the wife, husband (or both) feel entirely against having ... Read more

Early Age Abortion? Growing Up Doesn't Mean Getting Over It

By

The tears were flowing for this middle-aged woman with the perfect life. "I never realized how much pain and grief I was feeling over my abortion when I was 14 years old. I guess I just blocked things out and never looked back." I am amazed at women in their late 40's, 50's and even sixties experiencing the need to re-visit a time in their ... Read more

"I Had No Clue I'd Be This Sad," Part 2

By

Last week I talked with a 20-something woman about the grief she was feeling after her voluntary pregnancy termination. In her quest to find relief for her situation, she never dreamed she would be struck with an overwhelming sadness that she couldn't shake. Only a little less shocking than the news of the pregnancy (she was on birth control pills) was ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular