"I Had No Clue I'd Be This Sad," Part 2

By

"I Had No Clue I'd Be This Sad," Part 2
Overwhelming sadness after a voluntary pregnancy termination can often catches women off guard.

Last week I talked with a 20-something woman about the grief she was feeling after her voluntary pregnancy termination. In her quest to find relief for her situation, she never dreamed she would be struck with an overwhelming sadness that she couldn't shake.

Only a little less shocking than the news of the pregnancy (she was on birth control pills) was the fact that she couldn't seem to stop crying after the procedure. Why? She thought she'd be dancing the happy dance with relief since her boyfriend was now long gone out of her life. She had made a clean break with him, but now this! 

 

I only knew the caller's first name, so I am calling her "my anonymous client." My "anonymous client" could hardly talk through the tears. She was so confused about the flood of emotions pouring through her body. What should have been the biggest sigh of relief in her life had turned into an extremely painful sadness.

As we drilled down through the events of the past week for her, I explained to her how many levels of dynamics she'd been through. The whole voluntary pregnancy termination was a reminder of the loss of the boyfriend and everything involved with that situation. She was second-guessing whether she should have been with him, given the news of the pregnancy. Additonally, "it wasn't fair." He escaped "scot free" and now she was left "dealing."

The voluntary pregnancy termination dug up all the past pain and heartache of the broken-off relationship. Instead of bringing closure, it was only a reminder of the past.  

By the time we finished our conversation, my "anonymous client" was realizing that the procedure itself did not take away the pain of the relationship. All of this would take time and was something she was unable to rush through.

She was working through a lot of loss tangled together and culminating in one event. I assured her talking with me was a good choice. Processing loss of any kind needs another person to make sense of it. I talked and she cried. She talked and I assured her what she was experiencing was normal and to be expected. Loss resolution takes time.

This call was an encouragement to me as a reminder of the "why's" I do what I do. Being there and walking with someone in the depths of their pain is a privilege granted to very few. Grief after abortion is real. Talking about it makes things better.

More Life Coach advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson

Author

Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.

www.missingpieces.org

Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
Other Articles/News by Trudy Johnson:

The Painful And Surprising Secret Many Couples With Children Keep

By

For couples dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss, the news of an unexpected pregnancy can be thrilling. But when handling an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy, that news can be downright devastating to couples who already have their family established with two, three or more kids if the wife, husband (or both) feel entirely against having ... Read more

Early Age Abortion? Growing Up Doesn't Mean Getting Over It

By

The tears were flowing for this middle-aged woman with the perfect life. "I never realized how much pain and grief I was feeling over my abortion when I was 14 years old. I guess I just blocked things out and never looked back." I am amazed at women in their late 40's, 50's and even sixties experiencing the need to re-visit a time in their ... Read more

"I Had No Clue I'd Be This Sad"

By

The voice on the other end of the line was hesitant. I could tell this was a woman who wasn't sure she could trust her own instincts, much less trust me. I tried to re-assure her that I am a safe person to talk with about unexpected grief after voluntarily terminating a pregnancy. As we talked, I realized how many times I'd heard this ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular