Do I Share My Abortion Secret With My Boyfriend?


Do I Share My Abortion Secret With My Boyfriend?
Women often wonder if they should tell their boyfriend if they've had an abortion.

Should I tell my boyfriend or fiance that I've had an abortion?

Women who have voluntarily terminated a pregnancy often wonder how widely they should share their secret. As they get on with their life and if the person they had the abortion with is no longer in the picture, they wonder if they should share their abortion history with subsequent significant relationships.


I believe a cardinal rule for life is that you can’t go wrong telling the truth. Obviously, you don’t need to share important details of your life with people you do not plan on being connected to in the future. However, if your partner and you are starting to have a serious relationship it is important that you let him know about all of your past.

Believe me, this can be scary! Our pride can really keep us locked into a place of not wanting to risk talking about a past abortion. I once had a woman asked me my advice on this. I remember her questions. “After all,” she said, “what if his opinion of me changes? What if he thinks I’m a monster or what if he shrugs it off like it was no big deal. Either way, his reaction could make me wish I’d never opened my mouth!” Trust me, I really got how she felt on this as I had once been in the same place.

The good news is that you can use this opportunity as a litmus test for your relationship. If this guy really loves you unconditionally, he won’t be judgmental. He will hear your story and be supportive and caring. If he responds any other way, you need to consider if this is really someone you should be with for the long haul anyway.

Keep in mind, he probably has no clue you’ve had an abortion. If this is the case, his initial reaction could potentially be negative. Maybe this is just because it might sound a bit shocking to hi,. Ultimately though, the best response should be one of caring support.

This article was originally published at Missing Pieces . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson


Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.

Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
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