Forget about love being in the air, weddings are in the air! Which for me, means a LOT of talk among my beautiful clients about wanting to get married. And I get it. As a newlywed myself, being married is dreamy… but only if you marry the right guy for the right reasons. After all, we all know at least one unhappy married couple filled with regret, right? And although it seems sort of textbook 101, it happens every weekend—women (and men) say "I do" when they are thinking gutturally, "I'm not sure."
Whatever you do, don't believe the hype in starter marriages. Playing house doesn't provide a good dress rehearsal. And, despite how celebs make it how to be, you don't typically get a big payout from a first marriage. In fact, starter marriages take a huge toll on you emotionally, and an irreversible physical toll too (email me if you want to know more about that—its too clinical and depressing for this post—lol). Bottom line: if you are getting married for the sake of getting married, are bored in Vegas, need a green card to stay state side, or are thinking of saying "I do" for any of the other reasons below, don't.
1) Tick-tock, biological clock!
The baby machine in you could be overheating, I get it, but there are lots of wonderful ways to fulfill the dream of having a baby, without a husband. Sure, having one would make things easier and perhaps in your mind more ideal… but trust me, having the wrong father for your child not only disservices you, it disservices your future child. And you are not that selfish.
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2) You hit your magic number.
Whether your number is 25 or 35, you hit it or are years passed it, you need to erase the concept of it altogether from your mind. Commitment isn't about a timeline, it is about an experience line. Marry when you are ready and have found the right person who is also ready for the big responsibility of marriage, regardless of how old you are, or think you are supposed to be.
3) You found your dream dress.
Even if on a whim one day at a bridal sample sale you bought your fairytale dress and stored it away in the attic, that is no reason to rush marriage. If you properly store it, that dress isn't going anywhere and when you do finally slip it on, it will look even better than the day you bought it since you will be wearing the most important thing of all along with it, true love, inside and out.
4) Your current BF is the best guy you've dated so far.
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The as good as it gets syndrome usually perks up at the time when you are nearing your magic number... this is settling in its truest form. Don't do it. A better fit for you exists, so drench yourself in self-love and go find that better puzzle piece.
5) Financial security... or health insurance.
If you marry a man for money, his health insurance plan, etc, consider the fact that these things could evaporate at a moment's notice. There are no guarantees that bank accounts will stay filled, that jobs will stay secure. A marriage built on financial dependency, materialism, lust or any other non-solid foundation is like building a house on sand. When the wind blows, which it will, your marriage will crumble.