4 Reasons You Might Want To Date A Criminal

By The Rev. Christopher Smith. Posted on Sep 19th 2012.

Don't write off a date just because of a pesky criminal record. He could be the one!

Many people would say that there are dangers of dating a criminal and even advocate checking criminal records of online daters. In many situations where your potential date is a criminal there is reason to be cautious. Sometimes this fact will be a good reason to not pursue a relationship or even a date. In other situations, you may still be interested in dating the criminal, but you will need to exercise certain precautions.

However, simply deciding that there is a problem based on the single fact that the person is a criminal is a form of absolutist thinking. It does not take into account that there are people that have committed crimes or been convicted of crimes that you might want to date. In fact, there are even felons that you might want to date because of the fact that they are a criminal. Here are four reasons you should consider dating a criminal.

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1. The crime is in the past. We have all done things for which we need to be forgiven and have had to find ways to start over again. You may believe that when someone has done their time that they have paid the price for their crime. If you hold to a belief that a person should not have to continue to pay for a mistake after they have already paid the price for that mistake but operate differently around a potential date you will be questioning your integrity. This does not mean that you may not need to have certain cautions but then you are also not likely to be talking about a more recent crime. 3 Questions To Ask Before Dating An Ex-Con

While recidivism is a real problem for those who have been incarcerated with a majority of released prisoners being re-arrested within three years, many criminals are not involved in crime after their release. There are programs that attempt rehabilitation of criminals or for some just the experience of dealing with their crime is enough to make lasting change. For example, Judge Mathis (of Detroit and now television) was incarcerated as a juvenile but turned around his life based on his mother's interaction with him there. He cites this experience as generating his lifelong commitment to redeem himself and to work for change in the lives of street youth.

The person you are looking to date may not be a better person because they are a criminal, but they could be a better person because of the way addressing their crime has made them to become.

2. They don't have a criminal mind. There are people who commit crimes who do not know that they are committing a crime at the time. This can occur because of complexities of laws or situations where the person does not have the background to understand the situation (such as copyright infringement or technical investment laws). There are also cases where someone engages in an act that may not be the wisest or most appropriate, but where the legality of the act was not really thought about (such as teens sexting teens violating child pornography laws or engaging in adultery in New York).

In these cases, you might want to take into account their basic judgment but do you want to consider such a person a criminal? Their actions certainly speak differently than someone who intentionally commits a felony. 4 Tips For Avoiding Dangerous Men

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The Rev. Christopher Smith

Counselor/Therapist

The Rev. Christopher L. Smith, LMFT has served as a national leader around mental health issues both within the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and in professional counseling organizations. He works directly with individuals, couples, families and supervisees as the Clinical Director of Seeking Shalom in New York City. He also brings his insight to help a wider audience through writing, speaking and consultations.

Location: New York, NY

Credentials: LAC, LMFT, LMHC, MDiv, MS, SAP

Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Forgiveness, Spiritual

Website: http://www.SeekingShalom.org

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