They seem terrifying, but your feelings are the key to healing.
If you suffered from childhood sexual abuse you probably land in one of two camps; those who have nightmares and avoid sexual experiences out of fear, and those that repeat the pattern of sexual trauma, justifying it in the name of freedom. Both behaviors are problematic and can deprive you of a fulfilling life. Even though you were abused as a child, it doesn't mean you need to live a life of self-abuse now.
Like all things in life, too much or too little of a good thing can be harmful to you. So it is with your sexuality, too much sex and you could be repeating a pattern of the trauma, unconsciously harming yourself. Too little sex, and you could be harming yourself by depriving yourself of a life giving experience. The key to healthy sexuality is to find where a healthy middle zone is located for you.
- Tune Into Your Feelings. A sure sign you have some healing to do is that you don't allow yourself to have feelings. If you feel scared to feel your emotions and acknowledge them, then get professional help. Counselors are trained to listen and help you through the feelings. Your childhood fears can't hurt you now that you are an adult. The worst thing that can happen is that you feel uncomfortable with an emotion, and you can work through that.
- Process Your Feelings. By telling your story to yourself and a trusted other, the shame of what happened to you will diminish. You will become stronger, and more able to face your fears today. You will develop a cohesive story about your experiences.
- Surrender The Feelings. After processing your feelings, you may wish to let the feelings of resentment, anger, hurt, and fear go. This may be a process of letting go or surrendering over and over again every time the feelings come up. Every time you surrender a piece of the abuse, there is a little bit less inside of you to cause you harm. You are closer to freedom from the tyranny the abuse held over you.
By choosing to heal from childhood abuse, You are choosing a life that is transformed and free to be what you want it to be. You are leaving behind the shackles, and chains that have held you down and kept you from your destiny. Choose freedom, Choose to heal.