What To Expect After Infidelity & 7 Ways You Can Cope

By Teresa Maples. Posted on May 31st 2012.

Heed these helpful hints to understand sexual betrayal, pornography and addiction.

You just found out your partner has a secret life, and has been sex chatting with men and women on several web "personals" sites. You feel devastated and alone, and wonder "how in the world am I going to deal with this?"

You thought your partnership was amazing; you were proud of the family you had created together. Now, you find out that you've been betrayed, and your partner has a secret double-life. Are You In A Healthy Relationship?

More from YourTango: What Is 'Honey Sex' And Why Is It Bad For You?

This information penetrates your heart to a much deeper place than you've ever felt before. As you search for more evidence, you indeed find more, and wonder, how could I of missed all of this? All of a sudden, you realize that certain things from the past that didn't make sense at the time are beginning to make sense now.

There was that time you were on vacation; your partner disappeared for an hour, and when he returned, he didn't have a satisfactory answer about where he was. You didn't question him further so you could avoid his anger. But now, you realize that all the little situations that didn't make sense at the time could have been clues of his infidelity. You trusted your partner and now, you can't comprehend a betrayal of this magnitude. You are in shock. Can Your Relationship Survive After Cheating?

What should you expect?

The beginning of this journey can be torturous. It is filled with ups and downs, and it feels like being on an emotional rollercoaster. It is akin to losing a loved one. In a way, this is a death: the death of the relationship as you perceived it, and you will go through a grieving process. This process happens in several stages. Let's look at the Kubler-Ross Model of grief stages:

More advice about cheating from YourTango:

Find an expert near you!

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

My passion is to encourage, nurture,and validate people, deepening their most important relationships to Live Life Abundantly!

If you would like to stay current with the latest and greatest relational research and thoughts, sign up for my newsletter. You may also subscribe to my Couples Thrive Blog, and visit my web site Woodland Pathways Counseling

Location: Gig Harbor, WA

Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC

Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction

Website: http://www.woodlandpathways.com

Why Emotional Intimacy Between Couples Leads To Better Sex

By Teresa Maples

Ask anyone who has been in a long-term relationship: The initial passion of their romance waned over time. Your beloved becomes a very human person with strengths and major annoyances that become increasingly challenging and difficult to ignore. We see the fairytale and Hollywood versions of love and wonder why we have failed in our own relationship to live ... Read more

6 Ways Sex Makes You More Attractive

By Teresa Maples

Our culture promotes sex everywhere from magazine covers to product advertisements. When sex sells, it sets us up to objectify ourselves and others. When we objectify someone, we really don't see the other person. We lose out on the most intimate loving parts of a relationship and we look to magazines, books and blogs to help us get the relationship ... Read more

Surviving Mother's Day When You've Lost Your Mom

By Teresa Maples

Mother's Day is a time to honor and cherish mothers. Whether your relationship with yours is nurturing or strained, all mothers have one thing in common: they love their children. But, what if your mom is no longer around? Maybe she has passed on or refuses to talk with you as an adult. Either way, you're feeling sad and lonely without her. Here are a ... Read more