A new study published by Christine Milrod and co-author Ronald Weitzer analyzes 2,442 postings written by people who pay for sex on an online discussion board that reviews sex providers and their services. Approximately one-third of the posts discussed emotional intimacy between sex workers and their clients. Many of the people who paid for sex expressed a desire to grow their relationships beyond the sex act and develop feelings and mutual love with the person.
Here are 5 Ways People Who Pay For Sex Lie To Themselves:
More from YourTango: 5 Things 'Awkward' Teaches About Cheaters & Why They Blame You
1. "I'm not doing anything wrong." The responders make excuses and do not obey the law. These comments were posted by people who are paying for sex. These people are a sub group of the population who are engaging in illegal activity. From a societal view, those who act outside the norms and rules of the society are not the norm for the culture.
Those who engage in paying for sex are breaking the law. Many of the people who engage in prostitution are also involved in a primary relationship like marriage or are living together. Usually, there is a social contract between the two people to be there for each other. In paying for sex, they are breaking this contract as well. In many ways, they are committing relational violence in their primary relationship. 22 Ways Couples Can Overcome Infidelity
2. "This could turn into a real relationship." The responders think they are getting a real relationship, but they are really seeking instant gratification. In one survey, 32% of customers arrested for soliciting a prostitute said they bought sex because they "didn't have time" for a conventional relationship. 28% did not want "the responsibilities" of a relationship, and 18% said they would "rather have sex with a prostitute than have a conventional relationship with a woman."
In other words, 78% of the people paying for sex did not want to bother with a "real" relationship and would rather pay for sex. An unspoken message here is that the transaction between the sex worker and the client is about money and control. The client is paying to have sex acts done to him, which help feed his fantasies. He gets to call the shots. The sex worker is providing a service to get paid.
More from YourTango: Taking Back Your Sexuality After Trauma Or Abuse
3. "I just do it for the thrill." The responders say they are seeking the thrill, but they may be setting themselves up for a full blown sexual addiction. Biologically, people who seek intensity and thrill by engaging in a sex acts are programming their brains to seek greater and greater thrills to get the same effect. The engagement of risky behavior leads to more risky behavior. Many of the responders might experience anxiety and withdrawal symptoms if they chose to stop paying for sex. 7 Signs Your Partner Is A Sex Addict
More cheating advice from YourTango: