You're probably wondering if you should stay single to enjoy the partying, player lifestyle, especially after Miley Cyrus recently told Matt Lauer on the Today show that "old" people, those "over 40," don't have sex any more. She was referring to those "old" married people, right?
Not to worry. Research shows that married people actually have more sex than single people. And married couples have more varied types of sex. Dr. Laura Berman, host of OWN's "In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman" says that "oral sex is also more common among married people."
A study in 2010 conducted by Indiana University, (think Kinsey) created by the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, statistics were collected on the sexual attitudes and habits of 5,865 participants throughout the life cycles — their ages ranged from 14 to 94. Over 60 percent of the single participants reported that they hadn't had sex within the past year, compared with 18 percent of married people. That means that more than half of single people arent getting any, and married people are doing it almost all the time.
Frequencey doesn't necessarily guarantee how hot the sex is, though. Real passion and eroticism comes from practice. Sex is like any good thing in life. You have to set aside time, repeat your positive behaviors, get rid of the behaviors that aren't working for you, talk about the problems, and communicate what you could do better. Watch my YourTango expert video with John Gray, author of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, on how to have great sex even if you dont have a lot of time.
On the Today show, Miley Cyrus admitted she doesn't think she'll be having sex after 40. She has no idea what she'd be missing. Sex gets better as we age. In her interview with Matt Lauer, the 20-year-old Cyrus reacted to Lauer when he asked her, "Do you know how old I am?"
"I'm going to guess 40," said Miley.
"55!" Matt corrected.
"55," Miley laughed. "Oh, well then, you're really, definitely, not sexual."
The New England Journal of Medicine reported in 2007 that 75 percent of middle aged couples ages 57 to 64 are still sexually active. Our bodies change, and we might get tired of the same old Tuesday night sex if we do it the same way every week. But if we keep it adventurous, try new things, and work on intimacy with our partner where performance isn't always the goal; sex well into our later years can be rewarding and wonderful.
Afraid if you commit to a relationship you're going to miss out on your single privileges — like going out partying or watching the game on a Sunday afternoon? Think of sex as a team sport — work together, move the ball forward, and celebrate your victories. Move on from those times that don't work, and make sure you show up for the games. Sex in a relationship can be one great party.
Dr Tammy Nelson is a Certified Sex Therapist and a Licensed Imago Relationship Therapist. She travels internationally working for global relational change. She is the author of Getting the Sex You Want and The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity. She can be found at www.drtammynelson.com.
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