50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Is Safe Sex Boring Sex?

By

Is Safe Sex Boring Sex?
Add a little bit of adventure to your intimate life
Stepping out of your comfort zone is the key to better sex.

And that makes sense. The safer we feel the more likely we are to open up and let our partner in, both literally and figuratively. And yet the safer we feel, the less likely we are to feel turned on by our partner. Familiarity doesn't turn us on. It makes us want to snuggle.

I'm not talking about safe sex as in using protection from STDs or birth preventing unwanted pregnancy. I am talking about feeling emotionally safe; safe from getting hurt, being abandoned or betrayed. Initially when we are first in love or attracted to our partner, we don't feel safe yet. We don't know if they are trustworthy – do they really like us, will they leave us, do they want us and only us? And do we really want them?
When the relationship starts to feel safe – those first sexual encounters can be hot. They are charged with the intensity that comes from a new relationship.

More from YourTango: Want To End Your Marriage? Try Conscious Uncoupling

More from YourTango: Is Technology Ruining Your Sex Life?

Trust comes later, when you are in the later stages of a partnership and you feel more relaxed, more comfortable. The sex might even get better as you get to know each other and feel more comfortable asking for what you want, and being naked with the lights on. But the really hot, intense attraction phase happens when there is no sense of safety or trust. Emotional intimacy comes from working through conflicts and getting to know each other’s habits and foibles. Being comfortable with one another is great, but it doesn’t necessarily lead back to those earlier times when the sex was great. You might have a wonderful friendship, and be happy that you have found a good partner for life. But the risk is that the sex can become monotonous. The safe relationship that you have created can make the sex kind of boring. Keep reading...

More sex advice from YourTango

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tammy Nelson

Counselor/Therapist

Tammy Nelson, PhD, LPC http://www.drtammynelson.com/ email me at tammy@drtammynelson.com

Location: Ridgefield, CT
Credentials: LPC, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Sex Therapy
Other Articles/News by Tammy Nelson:

Want To End Your Marriage? Try Conscious Uncoupling

By

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin just announced their "conscious uncoupling" and it has brought up new questions for some people and a media conversation about what endings might look like in a long term, committed partnership. See Paltrow's blog Conscious uncoupling or what I call intentional divorce is more common than ever before. The ... Read more

Is Technology Ruining Your Sex Life?

By

Couples who lead happier, sexier relationships don't text. They don't gamble online, they don't pick fantasy football teams. They don't spend a lot of social network time on their hand held devices. They take the time instead to increase their physical and emotional connection with their actual real time partner. Not surprisingly, these same ... Read more

Who Has More Sex?

By

You're probably wondering if you should stay single to enjoy the partying, player lifestyle, especially after Miley Cyrus recently told Matt Lauer on the Today show that "old" people, those "over 40," don't have sex any more. She was referring to those "old" married people, right? Not to worry. Research shows ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
fishing

Single & Fishing For Love? Here's How You Can Rock The Pond

It's time for you to FISH with the hooks and bait that will bring you everlasting happiness.

Sad Dude

Is Being Scared To Be Alone Keeping You in Bad Relationships?

Getting comfortable with yourself will help you pick better and stop tolerating being treated badly.

Brain

Is this habit robbing you of a happy life?

Have you ever done that? Before giving someone or something a chance gone straight into judgment?

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS