Can't Let Go: How to Move On After Divorce
By Susie and Otto Collins posted
Maybe it's only been a few weeks or months or possibly even years since your marriage ended. Maybe your friends and family have been sympathetic and supportive, but now you suspect they are wondering the same question that is lurking at the back of your own mind...
“When will I finally move on after the divorce?”
It's likely that you've tried. Really tried.
But, the memories keep flooding in-- the good and the bad. A part of you hangs on to some expectation that your ex will call or walk back into your life and the two of you will pick up where you left off.
There may also be a part of you that can see the wisdom of moving on with your life. It could be clear to you that your ex is not coming back or possibly that it's for the best that your marriage ended.
There's no doubt that this is a confusing and difficult time.
What you might not be able to see right now is that it's also a potentially exciting time.
You are at the threshold of a new life. You are the one who gets to choose what you will do next. Even despite the stress and fear you may be feeling about this big life change, there is also the potential for you to make a fresh start in particular areas of your life.
The challenge is...
It can be so hard to let go.
- Let go gently.
A lot of people who have gone through divorce have a really difficult time letting go of their ex and their ended marriage. In some ways, it really doesn't matter if you still love your ex or if you can't stand the sight of him or her anymore.
The attachment is still there (even if doesn't make logical sense to you).
Having this other person in your life-- having a mate to share meals, your home and your bed with-- are what you are used to. You are accustomed to being part of a couple and that's what you lived for an extended period of time.
Now, your marriage is over and it can feel scary and sad. It can feel like a void in your life, even if you felt emotionally empty while you were still married.
Be gentle with yourself. There are a lot of reasons why you might feel averse to letting go of your ex and your marriage. Don't criticize or judge yourself harshly for any attachment you still have.
It doesn't have to make logical sense. It's just what you feel at this time.
For right now, just considering the notion of moving on and what that might mean for you is an important step.
- Let go with little steps.
As you gradually become more comfortable with the idea of moving on, you can start to make some choices. It's likely that you've already been making choices and changes.
This can be overwhelming.
When at all possible, take small and manageable steps instead of giant ones. For example, instead of buying a new home just after your divorce, consider renting or staying with a family member for a pre-determined period of time.
