Without a doubt, having kids can be stressful, expensive, exhausting and it can put a strain on your relationship. You’re suddenly responsible for the care and upbringing of this precious little person (or little people) and that can feel like a heavy weight that only gets heavier as the years go on.
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Different research showed that after 18 or 20 years of marriage-- about the time kids have grown up and moved out of the house-- couples who stayed together were able to rekindle passion and connection. The time in-between the honeymoon and empty nest phases of life, however, wasn’t all that happy.
Of course, these surveys and studies don’t dictate what YOUR experience has to be. There are plenty of folks who create happy, close and passionate marriages and they have children too.
It’s not always easy to keep your marriage healty and connected when you have a family, but it’s most definitely possible. You may actually find that your relationship is better off because of your decision to have kids.
#1: Your focus shifts.
When you have children who need your care, attention and love, you have to shift at least some of your focus back to them. It can be too easy to become a workaholic or obsessed by your job or community status, but having kids draws you back home. No matter how busy you and your spouse are, home is what ties you together and reinforces your bond with one another.
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#2: You lighten up.
Yes, kids can sometimes be frustrating, irritating and even infuriating, but they can also be funny. Very funny! Whether it’s your baby blowing raspberries, your preschooler learning how to crack jokes or your teenager sharing an amusing insight, your children can help you lighten up and take life a little less seriously. The great thing about lightening up is you’ll be more fun and easy-going with your partner too!
#3: You think twice before making big decisions.
If you’re like most people, you cringe when you think back to some of the impulsive and not-so-smart choices you made in your young adult years. When you have children, you’re less likely to jump into a situation that may have lasting consequences and hurt your family. This is great for your marriage because you’re more likely to pause and consult with your partner about what you both think would be best.