It is “the initial mystery” that is so exciting when you are first starting out with someone new.
It is “the initial mystery” that is exciting when you are first starting out with someone new. It is the lure that keeps your attention & wanting more. Being too available or too accommodating in the initial stages changes that dynamic, which inevitably causes new encounters to fizzle. People need to hold back a little piece of themselves in the beginning & let time take its’ course. Why are we always in such a rush to prove ourselves to the “new” person? Listening to them is important & will help you decide if there is a trust or bond forming before you divulge every sorted detail of why you are a great catch. Playing a “little” hard to get is not such a bad thing if handled correctly.
The main objective is to understand why some relationships do not develop past the first 3 dates.
Can you relate to this & are you a victim of this pattern? While it is great to be honest, giving “all of you” in the first few dates will quickly be the demise of a follow up date. No one is looking for your auto biography and if you lay out everything too quickly the mystique is gone & you are already predictable.
When purchasing a book, what is the first thing that draws your attention?
The cover and title correct? Would you go into the bookstore, pick up an interesting book and read the last chapter first? Would this be appealing? Where is the intrigue and story build-up? A quick beginning and hasty ending would be an unappetising read. The substance and the meat of the story are in the middle of the book, which is the same for a relationship!
A person wants to feel special, but not at someone’s expense. If they are living “for you” and giving up their own needs constantly to please you, how can you respect them in the long run? They are actually co-dependent because they need to make you “their everything” to be happy. No one wants someone who is a door mat. The couples that work well together have a natural balance. They make time for themselves & each other equally so there is no resentment.
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Here Are Some Suggestions For Both Sexes to Think About On The First Few Dates:
1. Don’t give them every contact number you have including your Grandmother in Idaho!
2. When they do contact you, be gracious but don’t drop everything you already have planned to see them.
3. Compromise but still make it on a time frame that works for you.
4. If you really can’t make the first few dates, offer them an alternate day or they may lose interest if it is too much work. ~Never be too busy that you can’t make time for them~
5. Keep them at a comfortable distance but wanting more of you!
6. Don’t jump into bed on the first few dates no matter how much you want them.
7. Make sure that the person you are pursuing is interested & not just looking for a stepping stone!
8. There is a difference between them playing a little hard to get & being cold and removed.
9. Never compete with anyone for this person ~!
10. Be confident ~ no ultimatums or “where is this relationship going” questions.
11. Keep things new and fresh & not overly predictable.
12. Do not make your friends or children a last priority, they were there 1st!
13. Never play #2! If they are not finished in a past relationship ~ walk away.
Needy or picky people will always be looking for a new date because they haven’t learned how to accept or appreciate love in their lives. (The grass is not always greener at someone else’s house, it still has to be mowed & taken care of) Learning how to really like yourself sends out a confidence to the Universe that attracts others towards you. If each partner has a full life & is doing what makes them happy, together they will achieve a healthy long term relationship. It allows each person to have their own life as well as sharing it with someone else.
Prioritizing your needs at the onset of a new relationship sets a precedent right from the start that says I’m interested but I have a life without you too.
It’s a good thing to have your own interests & goals. You don’t have to do everything together but it is important to have similar interests for the most part to keep your relationship flourishing. Remember ...Opposites attract but they don’t always stay together.
Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers
This article was originally published at The Examiner. Reprinted with permission from the author.