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10 Hidden Ways An Ex Stays Embedded In Our Lives

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Free yourself from the trappings of an old relationship.
An expert list of the subtle ways we stay intertwined with an ex.

It's official. It's over. Actually it's been over for quite some time now. Then why are you still stuck with your ex? You may think you're doing your best to move on, but somehow you just can't shimmy away from him/her. Truth be told even if you aren't in physical contact you may be fooling yourself with lots of sneaky subtle behaviors that keep you connected and prevent you from meeting someone new!

Breaking up can be hard to do. We may be bonded to the other person and have a hard time letting go. Not having a clean break, however, may be confusing for either party. Keeping what seem to be innocent connections may send the signal that you want to get back together or they stand in the way of making a future connection with someone new. 6 Steps To Get Over Your Ex

More from YourTango: Is this habit robbing you of a happy life?

Here are 10 ways you may be sabotaging your freedom:

1) Online stalking — Are you playing super sleuth on facebook several times a day to find out what the ex is up to or if there is anyone new in the picture? Do whatever you can to avoid this treacherous trap. It will only rile you up or make you sad — neither of which are helping you achieve the healthy mindset you need to stay strong and move on.

2) He's still in your bedroom — Until you've not just removed him and his stuff from your bedroom but marked the bedroom as your own, his energy will permeate the bed, the sheets, the closets and the walls. This room needs to become your room, your space, your sanctuary, and the best way to do that is with some redecorating. 10 Signs You Might Need To Break Up With Your Ex

Even minor changes like new pillow cases and a bedspread, reorganizing the furniture layout, or a new piece of art can totally change how the room feels to you as they act as symbols of change and remind you that life is focused on the "new you" in the making now. Open the window and cleanse cleanse cleanse him out of your bed, out of your dreams, and out of your space. 

More from YourTango: Bored Of Sex? Here's The Surprising Missing Key To Better S-E-X!

3) Saving old messages — Are you saving and rereading past texts or listening to old phone messages? Reliving the past can take you down the rabbit hole fast. You'll start the whole vicious cycle of wondering where it all went wrong — blaming yourself, then your ex, then you again, totally enmeshed in a relationship that's over. Time to delete, delete, delete!

4) Socializing with his/her loved ones — Do you stay in contact with your ex's family and friends? Are you secretly hoping they'll put in a good word for you, or make him/her realize what a fool he/she was for leaving you. You'll find this tactic will backfire on you because any communication you have with them after the break-up just keeps him/her alive in your mind and heart. Unless there are children involved, do yourself a favor, and let go of those ties.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Sherri Nickols

Relationship Coach

Sherri Nickols

Sexy and Sparkling after 40 launched in April!

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Check out my articles for more tips

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Emptiness, Life Transitions
Advanced Member

Faith Deeter

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Faith Deeter, MFT

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Credentials: MFT
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Life Management, Parenting
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