Mothers want to see their children succeed. Newlyweds believe their love is special and will last throughout eternity. Best friends make declarations that they can weather life’s storms together , forever, come rain, sleet, hail, marriage, children, and cross continental relocations.
We’ve all felt the kind of certainty about our relationships that leaves no room for doubt, but sometimes the best laid plans, wrapped in the noblest of intentions , simply don’t work out and the only move we can make… is to move on.
A father was teaching his son how to play chess. The father said, “son it’s your turn. What are you going to do? The young boy said, “ I don’t have any moves left. I’ve got nowhere to go. “
“Then the game is over” , remarked the his father.
“But I still want to play, “ the child insisted.
“Then you have to stop wasting time, complaining, scratch this game, and start a new one”.
When you’re out of moves spending days, weeks, and months lamenting what once was can eventually cost you years.
I’ve seen it happen all too often in my practice; clients spending untold amounts of time, money, and resources dissecting the anatomy of a broken marriage or busted relationship, at the expense of their sanity and joy. Client’s like the red-head, who hadn’t been on a date in ten years, after her boyfriend cheated with her best friend. Or the bread-maker. This guy owned one of the most successful bakeries on the east coast and stopped enjoying his life after his wife left the business , divorced him, and opened her own shop. I’ll never share names to protect the innocent, but what a shame these people spent needless years in a self-imposed prison.
They freed themselves by using three simple steps. You can too.
The steps are easy and only complicated if you choose to make them so. We were not put on this planet to waste time lamenting the pain of the past. When we make mistakes or things don’t turn out as planned, we suffer… because that’s what human beings do. We get hurt, feel the bite, and move on. If there was a gatekeeper of life collecting tolls for the mistakes and disappointments of life that we endure, he would collect the toll ONCE and send us on our way. Yet many of us want to pay the toll TWICE, even THREE or FOUR times. It’s time to end that cycle and outdated way of thinking.
1) Accepting responsibility for the role we have played in a relationship failure or disappointment.
2) Identifying the great lesson learned as a result of the relationship failure or disappointment.
3) Incorporating that lesson into your life in a meaningful way that makes a difference for you.
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