How Patti Stanger's advice is great at producing ratings but ineffective at producing results!
Patti Stanger has done well at marketing the fact that as a third generation matchmaker she has a high rate of successful matches. She has successfully held her own Millionaire Match Maker show for 5 seasons on Bravo television as she runs a Millionaire Matchmaking Club in which she helps mostly millionaire single men come closer to finding love with women who are looking to be matched with a millionaire. Ms. Stanger admits that she does not sell marriage; she sells love and does not guarantee marriage will be the ultimate result of her matches.
Although, Patti Stanger claims to have a high matchmaking success rate, I question what standard of measurement she uses to gauge that success. It is no surprise that marriage is not Patti Stanger ultimate goal for her clients when she has openly rejected the idea of marriage for quite some time for herself. If marriage is not the ultimate goal for her dating clients, then what is the point? If these clients were interested in being lifetime daters then why would they need to pay her $50,000 to assist them in finding that special someone to love?
Patti is now 50 years old and unmarried but it appears that the public pressure of being unmarried has weighed on her because in her 3rd season she prematurely announced that she was engaged and planning her wedding only to eventually announce that the wedding was off. In her recent season, she is now playing matchmaker for herself! However, any expert in the field of love and relationships knows that this is likely a public relations move and it is unlikely that she is fully receptive to getting married when she as openly expressed that she is not ready to settle down and give her attention to someone else. She said on the show that she likes the single life and freedom that comes with it to travel and do as she pleases. With that mindset, she verifies that she has struggled with the same fears and hangs ups of many dating singles that stands in their way of finding true love.
The idea that marriage is not the ultimate goal in a dating relationship is a destructive idea to the African American community. With a rate of 42% of African American women not ever been married, the African Americans community can not afford to accept the mind set that it is ok to stay single for the rest of your life if this is what works best for you. If the Black community did not face a 66% birth rate of black children born to single mothers in poverty, 60% of African American boys who grow up in a single parent home more likely to end up in jail and 62% of African American girls who grow up without a father are more likely to become a teen mom than maybe African Americans would have the luxury to settle for staying single but they do not.
Never the less Patti Stanger commands over 30,000 views per show and never fails to shock us with the tough criticism she offers to her stubborn clients. Although the show has done well in ratings, it appears that her matchmaking skills would not be effective in the black community.
The selection process seems to be more like an escort service than a matchmaking attempt. The girls are selected based on looks and their ability to give the right answers to leading questions. Most millionaires share the fear that they are only being considered because of their financial status. Every man desires to feel secure in the woman he loves while knowing that if they ever lost all of their money tomorrow, will she still stand with him. I believe that it is very hard to give these love hungry millionaires the peace of mind to those concerns if the ladies are already aware that they are being considered for a millionaire. Not to mention that many woman will do what ever it takes and say what ever is necessary to secure their life long meal ticket. If I were the matchmaker, I would select women who authentically fit the personality type and compatibility profile of the millionaire. I would encourage him to take her out on a simple date and not reveal that he is a millionaire until after they have been dating for at least 30 days.
I would also alter the grooming process with the millionaires and potential candidates. I wouldn’t simply “prep” them for a good date but help transform their mind for a healthy love experience. In The Millionaire Matchmaker’s attempt to increase the attract ability of her clients she uses her biased opinion as she advises the single millionaires and potential matches to alter certain physical features about themselves to increase the possibility of a love connection. Often times her advice is very incomplete and does not fully prepare the couple for a successful relationship. Trying to change core behavior traits right before the date with out transforming the mindset is not very effective. She has even advised superficial changes such as “looking less Spanish,” a radical haircut, removing commonly worn jewelry, covering certain body art or even plastic surgery.
Even if the match falls for the millionaire on the date, once he lets his guard down and acts like himself, the new match is left confused and potentially disappointed with the ‘real’ person standing before them. Telling a millionaire who is full of himself to not talk too much during his date so to give his companion the opportunity to talk is like asking a dog to not bark when a stranger enters the room. If the dog is not trained to not respond when a person enters the room, he will do what he has always done.
Lastly, although I have seen some African American clients on the show, I have not seen enough. Her flawed system proves that the world is ready for the new Black Millionaire Matchmaker: Shay Your Date Diva. I am all people, no matter their racial backround, matchmaker and Dating & Relationship Coach but considering that the family dynamic of the African American Community is deteriorating, I believe that a Black Matchmaker would be a welcomed alternative. As the Black Millionaire Matchmaker, I would be able to relate to my African American clients and consider the African American dynamic when coaching my prospects. My drive to produce a match will be fueled by my hunger to change the single rate statistic of African American women and I would work to educate, empower and transform the mind-set of my clients so to increase compatibility that will ultimately lead to a long-term marriage.