Find out why many women try but most fail at trying to win over an unavailable man's heart!
One of the most painful things to experience is the break up from someone in which you were connected to and really loved. Many people have a difficult time getting over an ex and will do just about anything to ease the loneliness and pain that follows the end of a relationship. Some will even jump immediately into another relationship while still attempting to heal emotionally from the lost of their previous love. You will know if a man is not on the rebound if he does not speak of his ex in a negative way, doesn’t compare you to his ex or attempts to get to know you for you instead of turning you into his counselor whom all he does is talk about his ex to. If he is doing these things then although extremely tempting, let’s explore four reasons why it is very dangerous to attempt a relationship with a man on the rebound if you are searching for a healthy love experience.
1. He is still into Her
He needs a chance to go through the phase of attempting to win his ex back and fail and then mourn the lost of that relationship before he is ready to be receptive to loving again. Right now he is a bleeding heart and bleeding hearts have no room to accept new love. Many women believe that they can love and nurture a man back to life and that when he decides to get over his ex, he will see her and realize all along that she was really “The One.” Usually it doesn’t work that way. You end up playing nursemaid to a man who when he is whole enough to now be attractive to the ex, he decides to take her back or he simply looks for someone else. Leave this man on the shelf and search for other options while he is going through the rebound phase.
2. He cannot see you
You very well may be a dynamic woman with fire works shooting out of your ears but if you are attracted to a man who is on the rebound, you are setting yourself up for rejection. Right now all he is searching for is a lifeline in the form of a distraction to take his mind off of her. Many men will even have sex with you or talk to you about his deepest feelings, making you feel as though you two are truly bonded and that he is really falling for you. Most likely not! If you are the rebound, your relationship is most likely going to be short lived because he cannot see you for all the qualities you are. Single woman dating, you are being used as a temporary fix to help him get over the woman he is hurting for. Save your heart the pain and leave this one alone until he has blown out the flame to his previous love.
3. He is not emotionally available
If you broke both of your legs it wouldn’t matter if the best pair of stiletto heels were hand delivered to you. You wouldn’t be able to walk in them until your legs were totally healed. His heart is broken and tender right now. Pain has an interesting way of shutting down the senses from feeling anything including love. He is guarded right now because he doesn’t want to feel the pain he feels ever again which means that this man is gun shy and not looking for a commitment. You will do better taking your heart somewhere where it can be received then to hope, wish and pray for an emotionally unavailable man to receive it.
4. The drama from that relationship now moves into your new relationship.
The fact of the matter is that hurt people hurt people. He has not had a chance to heal, learn from his mistakes, evolve to become a better him and then be open for new love yet. This means that the same behavior and mindset that attracted his previous relationship is still alive and well when you come along. Not to mention since it is so soon after the break up, he will see through the lenses of his past relationship. For example, if his ex liked to party all of the time and cheated on him, you may decide one day that you want to hang out with your girls from time to time and call your best guy friend for his birthday in which it has always been a platonic relationship. A man on the rebound may only see that you want to hang out like his ex and cheat on him as well. The negativity that was present in his last relationship has now shifted to you and you will have to deal with the after shocks. You are sticking your hand in fire expecting not to get burned if you choose to date a man on the rebound.
By Shay “Your Date Diva” Williams, an author, speaker, TV personality and Certified Dating & Relationship coach and Matchmaker residing in Atlanta, GA