Loving yourself is the first step towards finding a quality romantic partner.
Your self-esteem is directly related to the quality of people you attract into your life. High self-esteem = your best romantic match. When you’re in top form, you radiate beautiful positive energy, making you irresistible to the highest quality partner.
Feeling like your confidence could use a little jumpstart?
1. Give yourself a makeover. When you look your best, you'll have a boost of confidence and make a great impression on your first date. First impressions are made in 5-10 seconds. Your appearance and body language are of vital importance. When you are comfortable with your appearance, you will naturally act with more confidence on your date. Update your wardrobe, hire an image consultant, or go to a department store and get a makeover. It doesn't take much for an instant makeover, and the results will help you radiate beauty wherever you go.
2. Find a Cheerleader. This doesn't mean you should hire someone dressed in a short skirt with pompoms. Find a personal cheerleader, someone who's in your court, a good friend or family member who can give you encouragement, especially when you are down about your romantic status. Dating is filled with lots of "failures" — dates that don't work out, relationships that peter out, people who break your heart. Sometimes it's hard to keep a positive perspective as you seek that special someone. Have a cheerleader on hand that you can call or visit when you need a boost. It will make a huge difference to your attitude about your love life, and the added bonus? It will add value to your cheerleader's life too. People love knowing they've made a difference in someone else's life.
3. Visualize your goals. Simply visualizing your romantic goals will give you a clearer idea as to what type of person you want to attract and how to find him/her. When you have clarity about what you want and change your dating patterns, you release "feel good" adrenaline into your body, which will trigger a boost in your confidence. If you are unhappy with some aspect of yourself, visualize the person you want to become. Then take the steps to work on those traits. Be specific and clear in your goals and visualization. If visualization is not your thing, try writing, drawing, or recording your goals.
4. Change your perspective on failure. If your dating "failures" (bad first dates, no dates at all, etc.) bring you down, your self-esteem can suffer. Change your perspective. View failure as a learning curve, a natural part of life, and you will be so much happier. It is common to experience rejection before you are successful in any area of life. Dating is a journey, a learning experience, something to evaluate and draw new skills from. After every date, keep a journal. Analyze and articulate what went well and where you need improvement. The quicker you learn from your mistakes, the quicker you will succeed. Failure means you're out there dating. You're taking risks and opening your heart. And that's the only way you're going to find love.
Get out there and date. Try new ways to meet your romantic match. And if you're feeling down, follow these 4 tips and boost that self-esteem. Because confidence is über sexy!
What works for you when you need a boost in self-esteem?
"From my mom and dad, because they're happily married for a long time: Just listen. Listen to him. I'm so independent and driven and stubborn. Just let him talk. It's about not being so stubborn and having to win every argument. My parents set a great example. They love each other and take care of each other so much."
"It's kind of cheesy, but my mama, who you all have seen on the show, says to cook for your man. She's Southern, so when he comes home, be pullin' a pie out of the oven. That's always been her advice, and you know what? It works. Your man wants to see you in the kitchen, puttin' some love into some food; it works for Eric, that's for sure."
"The best advice I've ever been given is being handed a Bible. That's the blueprint for marriage that we go by, and that's what our marriage is grounded in. We also have other married couples who are examples in our lives. My parents have been married over 40 years, and both sets of grandparents for over 65 years. When you see couples in long-term relationships and you see them go through good times and bad times, you realize it's about being committed enough and loving your partner enough to hang in there regardless."
"My mom told me, "It shouldn't be that difficult." My parents had their moments for sure, but the majority of their relationship has been really great. It shouldn't be that much work to make love work."
"You've got to be good to each other … it really comes back to respect. I was raised in a very Catholic, Italian family and it was all about respect. Don't talk badly about [your partner] the second they walk out the door; really preserve your relationship and be good to each other. Treat it like gold."
"Don't lie to your partner. Ultimately the expression on your face gives you away, and they feel betrayed by the lie. If this is the person you're going to be with—forever and ever, for better or worse—they will love you for all of your good and all of your bad. They'll love you for you. So open communication is key. I have no secrets and no skeletons in my closet with my husband, and I love that. I feel comfortable and at ease with myself when I'm around him. I love the woman that I've become with him."
"I think the best love advice I've ever received is really about understanding that communication is key, of course, but also that there's not one perfect person for you. You kind of have to accept what are the things that are negotiable for you and what are not."
"My mom always told me, "Whatever happens, will happen" or 'Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen." I've learned you'll know when you find the right person. When I found the right person, I knew it immediately."
18. The Five Love Languages Author Dr. Gary Chapman
"Before I discovered the concept of the 5 love languages, a bit of advice I was given was to become a student of my wife and to take time to learn what makes her feel loved. I soon learned that what makes her feel loved may not always be the thing I want to do because it may not come natural to me. But learning to love her in the way that makes her feel loved is a greater demonstration of my love for her, because I've chosen to do it with a goal of pleasing her."
"Pay attention to the girl, instead of myself. A bunch of people [told me that]. It's terrible. I'm very into myself, so people are always like, "Pay attention to the other person. Don't ever separate yourself." It's a good lesson. I'm learning. I'm doing good."
"Don't get divorced after your first argument! I have a lot of friends that have one fight and that's it, they get divorced. I go, 'Wait a minute! Oh my gosh, you guys! Calm down! You'll forget in three days what you were fighting about. I promise. So just let it marinate a little bit—that's my best love advice."
21. The Real Housewives of Miami's Adriana de Moura
"When I was about 15, [my grandmother] said something I will always remember: 'Love comes before money.' I will never let anything like greed come between us when it comes to love. She was married to my grandfather for 70 years. It's very hard to have a long-term relationship and if you're not sure, it's not going to last. Make sure that you truly love."
"If you're looking for love, focus on something you love to do and work hard. Love will find you. Basically, love yourself before you love anyone else. A lot of girls have such insecurities nowadays that you have to be comfortable with who you are before you can really have a good relationship with someone else."
"Love advice is like life advice, so there are so many elements of that. I think humor, patience, admiration are really important love elements. Love and respect. You have to respect the person that you're going to love, and you have to be confident in yourself and love yourself."
'Think about how much you'd miss that if he were gone tomorrow.' This is my senior producer's advice in my ear during our news show if I'm grumbling about my hubby, whether about his habit of leaving dirty clothes around, or the way he goes into la la land while I'm talking with him, or that he wakes me up being loud overnight. How true! Heaven forbid, but if something ever happens to our loved ones, oh how we'd long for them to be back, and their little aggravating habits would be something cherished.
"On the other hand the best love advice I've ever given is: Gals, don't marry someone for their looks. Sooner or later we all age and start to droop. Don't marry someone for their position and don't marry someone for money. Money comes and goes, and since when is that love? Marry someone because they make you laugh. Humor is always sexy. Besides, it's awfully hard to get mad at someone while they're making you laugh."
30. The Real Housewives of New York's Heather Thomson
"Well, it's one of the oldest. It really is paradoxical, but it's true: You just can't go to bed mad. You have to make up, because there's only one alternative, and that alternative is not being together. So, my husband and I always decide we might as well make up, whether we agree to disagree or not. We understand we are individuals and that together we're unbelievably powerful and that we have a family that is the most important thing, and that I wouldn't trade him for the world. So, love is about give and take, and love is about understanding that you're individuals and together as a couple, you're the strongest there ever is ifyou're in the right couple."
"I was going to say, 'It's work, relationships take work,' but that makes it sound like relationships are hard, that they're work. Rebecca and I have always gotten along really well. We've always had a really strong connection. I'm the last guy that should be giving people advice on love, that's for sure. But I have a great marriage. I just got lucky, I guess."
"I lost my dad back in the fall, and my dad said something to me a long time ago. He said, 'Are you happy with who you are now?' because we just had a real serious talk. And I said, 'Yeah.' He said, 'Then you can't regret what got you to where you are. So whatever you do and whatever mistakes you make, learn from them and grow. And just always treat people with kindness,' which I've tried to do."
"My mom always used to say, "You can't say I love you before you can say I." And I think that sort of makes sense."
For a copy of my FREE guide, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.
If you are serious about finding love this year, there’s nothing like group coaching to keep you accountable and give you solid dating tools that work. In the Last First Date Inner Circle, you'll have access to two monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40, and a private forum for you to connect and share your experiences. All calls are recorded and transcribed, and you get a free chapter a month of my upcoming book. If you're a woman over 40 and want ongoing coaching support at an affordable rate, check out the LFD Inner Circle today.
Location: Stamford, CT
Credentials: ACC, CPCC
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Online Dating
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