Why Women Who Dump Nice Guys Are WRONG (And End Up Alone)

Photo: WeHeartIt
Nice guy or bad boy?

Are flowers and love SO bad?

You recognize you're dating a good guy. But you’re unsure if he’s your guy. Frankly, you’re a little overwhelmed by his enthusiasm for you.

A man who thinks you’re the most wonderful woman in the world will feel like he’s won big. He’ll work harder to keep you happy, and you’ll be less likely to stray. That’s not to say he’s sitting there and feeding you chocolate bonbons forever. Eventually, you’ll have to make him a priority too. 

Mentally, you might not be there yet. So, should you stick around to see how it plays out?

A relationship in which the man starts out more zealously than the woman can bode very well for the long-term success of the relationship. I’m living proof.


Once upon a time, I dated a guy who sent me a teddy bear after our third date. It was wearing a superhero costume, and on it was printed the nickname he had given me on our second date.

Was this too much, too soon? It kind of freaked me out.

If I told him I was free, he would drop his plans at the last minute to come see me. He always called and texted, even though I’d wait hours (or sometimes days) to get back to him. I thought, “Whoa dude. Pump the brakes.” I even went on one or two dates in an attempt to cut things off, but each time, I found myself enjoying his company immensely.

But our timelines were off. I was newly single, and he was 100 percent available.

Because I liked him, I decided to be upfront that he was moving too fast. I told him I could see it going somewhere, but I was not ready for an exclusive, boyfriend-girlfriend title. We agreed to be open about our emotions as we continued getting to know each other.

I was used to boys playing games. But now, I was dating a real man who could talk about his feelings. Finally!


Within a few months, I was completely smitten. I found myself giving back equally. I’ll fast forward to the end of this love story ... we got engaged on the anniversary of our first date, and now, we are happily married!

I’m sharing my experience with you so you can keep an open mind that your new, unbalanced relationship is not doomed.

What’s really holding you back or turning you off? Is it something about him, or is it something about you? If it’s him, talk about it — even if it’s uncomfortable. If it’s you, you may need to change your attitude.


How do you truly want to be treated? You likely have not been allowing yourself to feel the love you deserve. If you’ve ever chased a guy before, you’ll know what I mean.

Here’s some breaking news: The available guy is ALWAYS better than the one that's not. Have you ever lamented you hate playing games, only to be sucked into the thrilling drama of the guy who keeps you guessing?

While sometimes women say they want to be cherished and doted on, many continue to fall for the “bad boy.” It's fun and mysterious. But the excitement of landing the unavailable guy is fleeting — after you do, you’re just left with the boy (not a man) underneath all the games.


You deserve more. You deserve someone who makes you a priority, calls when he says he will, is excited to introduce you to his friends and family and happily makes future plans with you.

Have you ever really thought about what the hard-to-get guy would be like to date or marry? Once he finally decides to commit, some of those mysterious qualities just become bad boyfriend qualities.

Do you want to be with someone inconsistent, elusive, and emotionally inexpressive? I didn’t think so.

So before you close the door on a man who PURSUES you confidently and makes his desire for a committed relationship known, consider his core traits.


He’s going to be the one who can communicate his feelings clearly. He will always let you know what page he’s on. He’ll be the one to show up with flowers “just because” well after the honeymoon stage is over — and he will be your biggest fan.


If you’re still not sold on giving this nice guy a real chance, and you're wondering whether or not you should keep investing your time in this relationship — ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you enjoy kissing him, or does it repulse you slightly?

2. When something really good or bad happens, do you immediately think of sharing this news with him?

3. On the rare occasion he doesn’t call or text, are you disappointed or relieved?

4. Does he make you laugh?

5. Do you hop on the phone with the intention of just saying goodnight, but before you know it, you‘ve been chatting away for hours?

6. Are you continuously surprised by how much fun you have on your dates?

7. Do you feel lucky to have him?

8. Do things just feel easy with him?

9. Does he bring out the best in you? Do you like yourself around him?

10. Are you proud to have him on your arm?

11. If he ended things tomorrow, would you wonder what could have developed?


If you answered “yes” to these questions, you should stick it out and give it more time. 

I also suggest talking through some of your reservations directly with him. The way he handles these difficult conversations says a lot about how he’ll handle future conflicts in the relationship. These discussions can also increase your emotional intimacy — making you feel more connected.

If you don’t give it a fair chance and put both feet into this new relationship, how will you ever know the potential it has? It will either blossom or fall flat. If it fails, you can break up. That’s not the end of the world.

My take-home advice? Be wary of ruling him out too quickly. He may just be “The One.”

Talk through your dating difficulties with Samantha Burns, relationship counselor and dating coach at LoveSuccessfully.com. Follow her on Facebook & Instagram

This article was originally published at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission from the author.


Explore YourTango