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Know when to lean in and when to (literally) step back.
By Rori Raye — Written on Apr 15, 2019
When you're finally ready to take your communication with a man offline and into the real world, you're no longer just words on the screen to each other; it's natural to feel nervous. Suddenly, reading body language becomes very important. He's getting a whole picture of you, so you want to make sure you make the best impression.
Picture this: you're getting ready to meet one of your matches. You're thinking very carefully about what you want to say. You want him to think you are interesting, so you come up with witty things that will engage him in deep conversation.
That's all good, but how to get a guy to like you is all about how you move and carry yourself in his presence. It sends a very strong message without you having to say anything at all.
Men find the softness in women attractive. When we fully embrace our femininity, this is very attractive to a man and encourages him to take the masculine role to lead the relationship forward. This is where body language really comes into play.
So, the next time you're getting ready for that all-important first meeting, remember these body language do's and don'ts for sparking a romantic feeling of attraction in him.
1. Don't lean forward.
When you lean forward toward a man while you're sitting or standing, it feels masculine and aggressive to him. It changes your physical and emotional vibe and subconsciously feels like you're chasing him.
What to do instead: To counteract this, simply lean back. Just tilt your body backwards when you're around a man, and see what happens. When you're sitting in a chair, don't lean forward when you're in discussion.
Lean back. If you're standing across from a man, put one foot behind the other and shift your weight so that you're leaning away, not toward him.
There is a subtle energy exchange that happens between a man and a woman when they interact. This is where learning back comes into play. By relaxing your body and "opening" it, you are signaling your affinity towards him and openness to his approach. In this way, we can say that a woman makes the first move by making it possible for a man to make his.
2. Do relax your hands.
When women manage and multi-task, their hands get very tight. So do their shoulders and arms. Have you ever caught yourself balling your hands into a tight fist when you're speaking with a man? This kind of body language feels tense and harsh to a man.
What to do instead: Practice letting your wrists go limp and opening your palms. Move your hands in front of your body and imagine they have no bones at all in them. If you're holding a glass or a fork, notice how tightly you're gripping, and allow your hands to soften.
This small change will make you feel soft, feminine and calmer. It will force you to slow down and drop tension off your body.
3. Don't have tall shoulders.
When we're nervous or uneasy, we tend to tense the area around our neck and shoulders. Do a check-in with your body right now, but especially when you're with a man. Chances are your shoulders will be creeping up toward your ears and you probably didn't even notice.
What to do instead: To a man, this looks like you're ready to pounce. It reminds him of his own tension, and he doesn't want to feel that in you.
On the contrary, what men love about us women is that we are soft and in touch with our feelings. He wants to feel relaxed around you, especially if he's a man with a lot of stress from his job. He wants to see you as his oasis. Keep a watch on where your shoulders are and consciously practice relaxing them and letting them fall.
4. Do step back.
If you feel a man pull back or lean away, it's not enough to just lean back. Standing too close means you need to soften your body language.
What to do instead: Actually take a step backward. A man will sense the open space, and he will intuitively feel the need to move closer to you without any control on your part.
Surprisingly, this will also make you feel more in control. By allowing yourself to move away from him, you keep yourself from appearing needy or eager to please, and the ball is now in his court to move closer or not.
If you soften your body language in these ways, he'll feel compelled toward you and get to know you. He will feel more affectionate and romantic toward you.
Remember, even if you don't get butterflies in your stomach when you first meet, it's always in your best interest to make the most of every date. Listen to this man. See what lessons you can learn. He is in your path for a reason.
Even the smallest shifts in your movements and gestures can make a big difference in the way a man responds to you.
Rori Raye is a relationship coach who’s helped thousands of women transform their love lives. For more dating and relationship advice, subscribe to her free newsletter.