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• Hi Laura B: Sounds like you're in a predicament that many a couple gets into at some point in their relationship. It's the, "I'm going north, he's going south" Syndrome. But you're in good company, and many have traveled this path before you. Your boyfriend is stuck in a victim mode mentality right now, and until he comes to terms with the truth about his situation at work, there is probably nothing you will be able to do to get his attention. Quite honestly it's his victimhood and he owns it. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. The more you try to force action the more he will probably react in defiance because he hasn't seen or created a vision for himself that things can be any differently than the way he sees them from his "woe is me" vantage point. So what can you do? 1. Decide if this is acceptable and if so for how much longer? 2. Become the mirror. In other words, be the example of things are not as bad as they seem without actually saying those words. 3. Never say to him, "I totally understand." Quite honestly, you don't and you can't. No one else can ever understand fully what someone else is feeling. 4. Ask him flat out in a loving way, "What can I do to support you," or "How would you like me to be with you when you feel down about work?" 5. Be honest with him. Maybe say something like, "I sense that your energy is totally being drained and you lack any motivation to do anything other than get through the day at work. It seems to also be really hard for you to have any energy or excitement about our relationship. So I am curious if what I am observing is how you also feel, and if so, would you like talk through this and see if we can create an plan to at least bring some joy back into your life around our relationship. Of course the other option is to just leave him alone and not say anything. However, this strategy typically only leads to both of individuals bottling up unending stress which then leads to an emotional explosion. I hope this was helpful and that it gave you something to think on. Cordially, Rick, The Coming Out Coach Step out, Step Up, Step Into Living Your Powerful Truth Empowering Gay Men and Straight Women with the Courageous Confidence to Create the Lives They Desire! Email – mailto:rick@rickclemons.com Web – http://www.rickclemons.com Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/rickclemons Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/LifeIncognito Truth Talks Blog - http://www.rickclemons.com/TruthTalks/ Schedule An Appointment - http://www.comingoutcoach.clickbook.net SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: How can I help my ...

• I just have one question for you? Why are you embarrassed? Do you see yourself as broken, weird, a freak? Or is it that a secret has been revealed? The key here is acceptance and love of self first and foremost. It's what I call being fully in your "I Am," and accepting yourself fully! As a recovering shame-aholic, I myself suffered from the embarrassment and secrets of being gay. The day I realized, "I Am," the whole game changed. Step into you, be yourself without guilt and shame, and permit yourself to thrive. And if you need more help than reach out. There's plenty of us on Your Tango to help! SEE MORE

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• So three critical questions you should be asking yourself at this stage... 1. What are you gaining from this relationship that you and only you believe you can't find in a new relationship? 2. If you don't see "eye to eye" on how much work it should take, what else are you not seeing eye-to-eye on that hasn't even surfaced? 3. Why do you desire to be in a relationship with someone that this is their first serious relationship? Sounds like you have been around the block an know what you want, so why are you settling to raise this guy? If you don't think you deserve to be in a more mature and advanced relationship then you are dis-serving yourself. Self-love will lead to self-care which leads to truly caring and loving someone else. SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Stuck in limbo!

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