Dear Mom: Thanks. Love, Your Gay Son

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Gay Kids: A Letter To Mothers Of Gay Kids
Here's to the women who raised us to be the unique (and fabulous) people that we are.

Dear Moms of LGBT Children:

It's almost your day. That one-day a year that we celebrate you and all that you have done for us. In spite of your good, your bad and your ugly, you still gave birth to us and you deserve all of the flowers and chocolate that you will receive. Ok, we also couldn't have made it without Dad's little swimmers, but we'll acknowledge him next month.

Mom, we want you to know you rock, even if sometimes our relationship is rocky. It's not easy being you, a mother of a child who's not considered to be exactly normal. But after all, who is actually normal? Quite honestly, all of us are.

Of course, if there was something we could do to be normal in a way that makes it easier for you, we LGBT kids would probably do it in a heartbeat. A heartbeat that, incidentally, we wouldn't have if it weren't for you. While we were cooking inside of you, some interesting twists and turns happened. In some cases, HDNA (Heterosexual DNA) got switched to GDNA (Gay DNA). In other cases it developed into LDNA (Lesbian DNA), BDNA (Bi-sexual DNA) and TDNA (Transgender DNA).

Now, stop your tears. You should not feel responsible for our sexual orientation or gender identity. You did nothing wrong, it just happened. In fact, most of us whose wiring got beautifully crossed in the womb don't even blame the Big Guy/Gal upstairs or evolution for who we are in our own skin. We are Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, and Transgenders and there's no one to blame. It just is what it is.

With all the challenges and finger-pointing that goes on in this world, it seems apropos that this Mother's Day, we let you know there is no one who should be blamed for LGBT children. That would just be wrong. In fact, if we were to blame you, then it would mean there's something that could have been fixed.

You conceived, carried and birthed us. You protected us through our childhood and were shocked the moment you realized that we were not what you expected us to be.

We're sorry to disappoint you, mom. Even if you're fully supportive of us being part of the LGBT world, we know it wasn't easy to hear the words, "Mom, I'm (Fill in the LGBT letter of choice)." We do get it, more than you might think. It wasn't easy for us either the first time we fully admitted to ourselves who we really were. You see moms, whether your child's LGBT, the school band geek, a Nobel Peace Prize winner or sitting on a corner begging for money, you should be proud to have brought a beautiful, unique, one-of-a-kind specimen into the world. Carrying us for nine months in your not-so-easy-bake-oven makes you a star, an Oscar winner and a Diva. Motherhood ranks supreme, even if you're not a Supreme!

The bottom-line is this. Everything you have done for us — including wiping our dirty bottoms — helped each of us become who we are in our own right. You didn't teach us how to be LGBT, because there's nothing to teach. What you did do is bring another unique heartbeat into this world. A heartbeat that lives, breathes, is covered in skin, and dances to the beat of a different drummer. Not only were you the vessel; you raised us in the best way you could so that we could be the best we could, so that we could help the next generations be the best they could. There is no magic formula except for the formula of love.

On this Mother's Day, even if you haven't been able to fully embrace us as your LGBT child(ren), we want you to know it's ok. You've got a lot of stuff that's weighing on you, the same way we have. It's not easy or pretty at times to be a parent of LGBT children, no matter how old they are.

What we want you to know is that we're patient — even if it doesn't seem like it at times. In fact, if we ask you to change your values and beliefs to accept us, that's really not fair. That only opens the doorway for you to ask us to change our values and beliefs. If we both follow that idea, then we're continuing the destructive pattern of being what we feel we need to be for others. Which really just means we're all pretending to be someone we're not.

Instead, let's embrace the fact that we all have different values and beliefs about sexual orientation and there's no need to change those beliefs. We just need to realize that we're all skin, bones, blood, muscles, veins, cells and souls, who some lucky woman carried in to this world to have a human experience. When it's all said and done, it's the love we share that trumps everything else. Whether we are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, the human experience is the human experience. Thanks Moms for giving us, along with a little help from Dad and that higher power, the opportunity to be a unique and special human.

Because without all of us unique humans out there, the world would be a pretty drab, black and white, silent movie. If you did nothing else Moms, you brought us to life. For that we are forever grateful — even if we're not quite normal. But quite honestly, what's normal got to do with it anyway? The more important question is, "What's love got to do with it?"

Want more of the uniquely gay, Life Coach Rick? Ready to embrace your kids, yourself, your life at a howl new level? Give yourself the perfect Mothers Day Gift, a complimentary life coaching session if for no other reason to say, "I'm worth it!"

 

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Article contributed by

Rick Clemons

Author

Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

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Location: Riverside, CA
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