Men’s and Women’s Sexual Differences - Part One

Love, Sex

What Women Wish Men Knew in the Bedroom

Ladies, please share the following with your men! Part Two - What Men Wish Women Knew in the Bedroom can be found here:

It is obvious that men and women are different physically, but we may not realize how different we are emotionally. It is only through understanding and accepting our less obvious differences that we can achieve sexual intimacy and great sex.

Below are just a few ways of how men can better understand their partners as well as improve their sexual and emotional connections.

• “You have to heat up the oven.”
a. A woman needs romance before she can enjoy any sexual intimacy.
b. Gifts of love are a good way to provide romance to your partner.
c. Listening to your partner can be a great gift of love. This is because when a woman knows her partner is listening to her, she will feel validated, understood, and she knows she can trust her partner.
d. Some other gifts of love that can be helpful are genuine compliments, flowers, or a nice date night to make her feel extra special.

• “This isn’t a race.”
a. The romance doesn’t have to stop when a man and a woman are becoming more physical. Romance is a crucial part in the stages of arousal.
b. A woman has a very gradual way of becoming aroused and foreplay is very important in ensuring a woman’s sexual excitement.
c. Foreplay should last approximately 20 minutes. This may feel like a long time for a man, but it is a great way to provide sexual satisfaction to his partner. Be sure to make her whole body feel special.

• “Variety is the spice of sex.”
a. Sex is like exercise. When the same exercise is done repeatedly, it can become less effective. If something brought her to an orgasm the night before it may not work again.
b. Variety is important and can make sex more exciting.
c. Spontaneity, different sexual positions, experimenting, role playing, or playing out one another’s fantasies are great ways to give things a rush.
d. It is crucial to discuss some of these before engaging in any of them. Couples must also be careful not to reject one another and not engage in any activities with which they are not comfortable.

• “An orgasm is not always the ultimate goal.”
a. A man may measure his success in bed by a woman’s orgasm. The female orgasm is important, but this is not how an orgasm should be treated.
b. Sometimes a woman can feel just as fulfilled without an orgasm. She may enjoy the emotional connection sex may bring to the relationship or she may simply find satisfaction in bringing pleasure to her partner.
c. A woman can experience sexual phases, wherein some nights she may want to have sex until she reaches orgasm and some nights she may only want to bring her partner to orgasm.
d. A man should not be seeking approval or feel rejected when his partner doesn’t reach orgasm. A man should focus on ensuring that his partner feels special when engaging in sexual intimacy.

A woman can certainly love sex as much as a man, but she may not feel a strong desire for sex unless her need for love and romance is satisfied first. When a woman feels loved, respected, and special to her man, it keeps her sexual ambers glowing.

Couples desire to satisfy their partners sexually, but they may miss the mark because it is difficult to understand and accept their partners’ different paths to sexual satisfaction. There are many couples who are suffering from the infrequency or absence of sex. If a couple feels sexually stuck, education through professional counseling is likely required to help a couple understand their differences, better meet their emotional needs, improve communication, and regain their connection for greater intimacy.

Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW is the Director of the first Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Northern New Jersey with offices in Teaneck, Oradell, and Ramsey. He has been a practicing counselor/psychotherapist for more than 25 years. For more information on Richard Drobnick and the Mars & Venus Counseling Center, please visit or call 201-692-0508.